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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up on expressing

72 replies

WhiteWashGails · 12/02/2019 18:27

So
Baby is 3 weeks and spent a week in special care.
I’ve been expressing as he wouldn’t latch after the first week on NG tube then i said bottles as we would never leave the unit if he didn’t latch so bottles was easier.

I saw a lactation consultant yesterday and ordered a hire of a hospital grade pump as I get 50 ml per day and want to try and express again.
She said he had tongue tie so that cemented my idea of bottling the expressed milk and topping up with formula.

I’ve realIsed after spending all that money yesterday I get annoyed when he wakes up because I want to pump!

I’m obsessed with getting my milk inside him as family members who breastfed actually were adamant I should bottle feed (no faith in me) I want to prove them wrong.

If I give up on the idea I’ll have more time, I stay in his tiny room (for the future, he sleeps in a cot with us for now)

I’ve not been out in 2 weeks because I’m tied to this pump and the baby.

Consultant said to express 8 tines 24 hours to get supply up but I don’t know if I have th stamina.

I’m going it of my tiny mind and I’m wasting the precious newborn time freaking out.

I’m also still have bad feelings over his week in hospital (waters broke early hospital didn’t believe me as they trickled so I was open for a week before labour) and feel like I’m going mad / and feel a bit ‘suicidal’ IE I could do with not being here and feeling these emotions
Help

OP posts:

JasperKarat · 12/02/2019 23:21

Oh meant to add I used nipple shields when we were going from bottle to breast initially (HV and mw said not to, tongue tie specialist recommended them), until DS grabbed one and pulled it off and latched on himself one day 😁, so they're worth a go if you want to. Ultimately it's what will make you feel better , a happier healthier you is best for your DC , it's not about formula Vs breast add long association he's fed

SoftPlant · 13/02/2019 05:24

Have you tried latching him on using nipple sheilds OP? He may be able to feed on his own using them.

Have you had any professionals look at his latch since hospital? The health visitor ws super helpful for me, and after a tongue tie snip we could breastfeed.

Breastfeeding is sooo much easier than expressing. Your baby might be able to do it on his own with nipple shields already.

QwertyLou · 13/02/2019 05:53

I was in a similar position OP, couldn’t get baby to latch properly for 12 weeks. I then realised he had a tongue tand lip tie and got them snipped. From then on I was able to boob him no dramas.

It is ok to stop expressing! It is ok to move to formula! Your baby has already had more breast milk than many babies. Do whatever you need to, to start feeling better

Original poster

WhiteWashGails · 13/02/2019 05:59

Well I’ve slept for 4 hours last night and so has my dear sweet baby.

He’s eaten more this morning than ever, I’ve relaxed, not expressed, I can start looking at baby groups and actually parade him round th supermarket (haha) instead of hiding in this tiny room attached to a pump like a cow.

I’m happy.

Gosh that was a hard decision !

OP posts:

MiGi777 · 13/02/2019 06:08

You poor thing, stop stressing. I breast fed my eldest two then planned to when my youngest came along but because of meds I was taking I was unable to. It made no difference. I know breast is meant to be best and it probably is but not at the expense of your mental health. Like everyone is telling you here just feed the baby! As long as he's fed and happy it's fine. You need to look after yourself too and have a bit of a pamper now and again. Even if it's just a nice bubble bath and a chance to paint your nails, but this stressing isn't good for anyone.,

eurochick · 13/02/2019 06:40

I'm glad you are happier. If you were only managing a bowl of porridge a day that's probably why your supply was dropping. I needed to eat and drink loads when I was expressing or I would see a noticeable drop in supply very quickly. I eventually moved on to mixed feeding and wish I had done it sooner. Four years on and my back is still banjaxed (small boobs meant I had to hunch over to get the milk to flow when expressing).

MaverickSnoopy · 13/02/2019 06:44

I have been in your shoes 3 times.

DC1 - topped up and expressed until she was 3mo when she finally bf only

DC2 - topped up and expressed until the stress and anxiety got to me so much I felt like you do now - we moved to formula at 3mo

DC3 - still feeding now at 3mo but it's not working. No time to express and she's loosing interest. Really very upset as she's my last. Keep trying though. My friend managed to move to bf only at 3mo when her son was having hardly anything.

I have learnt that if you think you will regret giving up more than you are finding it difficult now, then it's probably best to try and continue. I found a one week at a time approach helped. I'd give myself permission to give up next Sunday and then Sunday would come and I'd want to try a bit longer etc. If you're feeling suicidal if strongly urge you to stop. I think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself (like I say I've been there and I know what you mean by hospital cocoon) and you need to find a way not to.

Practical advice. I have a friend who is a breastfeeding support worker and much of this is what she had told me. Try to express 8-10 times in 24 hours (conversely another support worker told me it was more efficient to express less but for 5 mins, stop and break for 10 mins and then express for another 5 mins - more stimulation and sends more messages for more milk). Do compressions when you breastfeed and when you express. This gives you up to 50% more milk. Switch feeding helps to increase supply - feed on one side and then the other and then repeat. Remember that what you express isn't an indication of what your supply is. Drink lots of water as it helps increase your supply - as does eating oats - Google lactation cookies.

The key in this situation is stop stressing. So not easy. For me it was giving myself permission to stop. Once I did that I realised I had nothing to loose in trying. That's me though. Certainly fed is best. Every time. Mummy being happy is best too.

mummabubs · 13/02/2019 06:49

I expressed exclusively for a year (8 times every 24 hours for the first 8 months). During those first few months I was miserable with it to be honest, and it did affect my bonding with DS. People who haven't expressed can't understand just how intense it is- it's different from feeding from the breast. I'm not sure I could do it a second time around and would never judge anyone for deciding it's not for them. I think if you're feeling really down with it then there's no shame whatsoever in stopping OP- you've done amazingly well in challenging circumstances and deserve a break xx

ApplestheHare · 13/02/2019 07:04

WhiteWashGails brilliant news OP. So glad you are happier for making the decision to stop. You've done amazingly so now enjoy time with your baby

Sockwomble · 13/02/2019 07:05

I was in a similar position to you and stopped at 6 weeks when he was getting far more formula than expressed milk, I was having to leave him to cry to express and I felt miserable. Looking back I wish I had stopped after the first couple of weeks.

Oct18mummy · 13/02/2019 07:13

There is a huge amount of pressure but as long as your baby is healthy and you are too that is the main thing.

I had same thing, he was tongue tied wouldn’t latch expressing and feeding with syringe. I was really lucky to have good lactation consultant who suggested breast shields. The baby latched onto the breast shields perfectly which meant no more expressing. Have you tried this as an option?

We got tongue tie snipped and after a few months we are now without shields

loveskaka · 13/02/2019 07:32

I expressed for 4 weeks, my ds was in hospital for that time (premature) I stopped the day he got out as I wasn't producing enough milk anyway, also like pp said it's really hard as ur basically double feed! U need to feed baby and express and it does start to get to u. As long as mum is happy, healthy and you can eliminate the stresses u can, as there's enough with a newborn baby! Your doing great. Breast is obviously best but not worth you can baby being stressed.

BunloafAndCrumpets · 13/02/2019 10:21

Well done op! I stopped expressing far earlier with my second than I did with my first. It drove me almost demented with my first and what finally stopped me was looking up the evidence for 'breast is best' - yes it is def best if clean formula is not available. If however there are other safe ways of nourishing your baby (clean formula, sterile bottles) the advantages of bf are in my opinion hugely outweighed by the horror of pumping (when it's not going well) and the detriment to your mental health and time spent with baby.

Your baby has had colostrum and the early milk that a lot of our evidence of advantage is based on.

Carry on and don't look back now. You're amazing.

Original poster

WhiteWashGails · 13/02/2019 12:01

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Just to clarify, putting him to breast wouldn’t be a good idea til I had a milk supply as to get nothing would frustrate him then make it all worse.

Because we DID do bottles early, we have got used to th sharing and formula / expression was where we wanted to go.

However this morning after taking 60ml max at eash feed, he’s had 120ml

Oops that’s 4oz - as in hospital he was havibgb such small amounts it’s easier to talk in mls.

Anyway I know for a fact he’s probably happier and relaxed and taking a normal amount of food within 12 hours of me relaxing.

OP posts:

ApplestheHare · 13/02/2019 19:25

Great news, so glad it's going well!

Original poster

WhiteWashGails · 13/02/2019 19:59

Sorry I should clarify the above is fully formula I am not pumping again !

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 13/02/2019 20:05

Good decision OP. You will both feel better for it. Your baby needs his sleep to grow and develop so you are actually doing him a favour by making sure he can get a decent amount of milk in one go and stay full.

Can people please RTFT as OP has made her decision!

onemorego2019 · 13/02/2019 21:50

So pleased to hear your happy update xxxx

Geekster1963 · 13/02/2019 21:55

Don’t feel bad about stopping if you want too. When I had DD she lost too much weight and we ended up staying a couple of extra nights in hospital as my milk hadn’t come in.

I started expressing as I really wanted to breast feed. We had both ended up with thrush too and it was getting too painful to feed her. It ended up that I seemed to spend all my time expressing or feeding her.

I gave up when she was three weeks old and I felt so guilty about it.

I look back now and she’s nearly 7 and is fine, i don’t feel that guilt now.

RoboticSealpup · 13/02/2019 22:06

Oh my goodness, expressing is so bloody hard! You did great to keep it up for as long as you did and your baby has already benefited from it, but you've clearly made the right decision! Enjoy your beautiful baby now!

PeachMelba78 · 13/02/2019 22:42

Can I just say that expressing isn’t hard for everyone, but it’s very tricky to look after a baby and express.

Also it is possible to express when out and about - this week alone I have expressed in a taxi, cafe, waiting room and a train.

I certainly wouldn’t be solely expressing if I had a baby to look after but I do find it easy enough personally, not everyone struggles to express but similarly some people find it hard to get any milk out that way.

Pocketfull · 14/02/2019 13:50

Just caught up, I’m so pleased life is getting better for you OP

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