To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

[Reallyreallyreally1]

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

Your other friend is also a dick. Section is the easy option? I really beg to differ.

Wtf 'didn't experience transition' mean?! So, if you haven't done that bit, it doesn't count as proper labour? Nonsense. I did 14h of contractions and then felt the need to push, didn't experience what is described in the books as 'transition'. Both you and I HAD A BABY.

I wa told I was lucky after my crash section. Some people just don't understand. Don't let her comments upset you.

To clarify, I was told I was lucky because I didn't have to give birth.

Just read your update about your cousin OP and it's made me very sad. My first DC was an undiagnosed breech baby delivered vaginally (with failed epidural) and I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. To lose your baby after all that is heartbreaking, and then to have people make such thoughtless and cruel comments, it's just unbelievable. Please give her a big hug from me.

Imagine policing birth and what defines as a real one!! Absurd. Ignore ignore ignore, she’s talking out of her arse.

I think births just vary so much that you can’t compare two or even put ‘vaginal birth’ and ‘c-section’ as two neat catergories

I gave birth vaginally but can still relate to giving birth in theatre, being without my partner whilst a big team of medics rushed around, the scary run to theatre and alarms etc. I also had an extremely painful recovery process.

Birth is birth, and each one is incredibly unique.

She sounds like a massive idiot.

Your friend sounds insane.

Really No way did you have it easy you sound like a trooper to me. Back to back labours are the hardest, then to endure a failed instrumental that obviously the doctor decided was safer for you and baby to proceed to lscs. Bloody hell if your friends think that is easy and dismiss your experience as not really giving birth then I'd drop them pronto as they ain't no friends. Why do women do this to each other when labour is physically and mentally one of the hardest things you will ever endure. I have had women with long birth plans that don't work out for whatever reason that feel failures to ask for any form of pain relief. I always think you could tell your friends and family you birthed in a teepee with candles and whale music egging you on but NOBODY will ever know the truth about how you birthed apart from you and your birth partners. Women need to support each other whatever birthing experience they had. You worked bloody hard be proud of what your body and mind went through to birth your baby you deserve the utmost praise. Well done and congratulations, hope all is going well with baby and you are enjoying motherhood

Nasty. Ignore her. I had 2 natural births took 8h or less. I always think Labour for hours followed by crash section is the hard way.

Even planned section not easy when you consider recovery time

There are lots of ways women give birth, no way is more 'proper' than others!

A lot of women who give birth vaginally have an epidural anyway so don't 'feel' much of it. Which is probably for the best, I still have nightmares about the ring of fire part and the sensation of tearing :-(

It sounds like you had a difficult, traumatic birth. There's sometimes a weird sort of competition between women discussing their birth stories, who had the worst experience etc, sounds like she was trying to minimise what an awful time you had!

I remember the pointed 'Oh, so you had it easy, then' when DC1 arrived through a planned section.

Well, if you discount the epidural not taking properly so I felt the cut and them putting their hand in underneath to free her legs and they stuck me on gas and air to get through it without screaming, the way there was nobody free to give me pain relief post op, the wound bursting open and bleeding profusely on the day they took the stitch out because I was in a broken bed that wouldn't adjust so I was climbing up and down from a height of four and a half foot and was left with so many adhesions, they still cause pain 28 years later - yeah, the sunroof delivery was a doddle.

What didn't help is that was also the opinion of the ex - apparently, I deprived him of his birthing experience and hadn't actually given birth, I'd had a little lie down and was handed a baby. Not a Real Woman, apparently. (I blame his mother - a Sheila Kitzinger devotee - personally).

In comparison, 26 hours in active labour, a massive baby, pre eclampsia, being stuck at 9-10 cm for 4 hours because I felt the urge to push with a sideways head presentation but she wouldn't budge, blood loss enough for a transfusion, failed ventouse and three attempts at forceps before she was hauled out and slammed on my belly (and it's alleged he had his foot against the leg of the trolley to give him enough grip) and breathing difficulties overnight, so I spent it on constant monitoring and oxygen, but I was up and in the shower first thing - piece of piss.

I suspect the female criticisers either popped theirs out like peas or were from a time when women were left for days. Either way, they and their misogynistic prick men can get to fuck.

TBH Op
I was lucky enough to have a perfect ELCS

When I got the odd 'blimey you had it easy' I'd just reply 'absolutely best choice I've ever made'

Also I never could abide hearing birth stories ....

No thanks

Your so called friend is horrible and ridiculous in equal measure.

Your birth sounds 100x harder than a normal birth and your "friend" probably had it easier. You did go through transition anyway - that's when you move to the stage where you're ready to push (though I'm sure ppl must have said this before me but reading the whole thread would take ages)

Your birth sounds like my worst idea of what birth is like - can't think of how it could be tougher than that??? But it's not a competition to see who has the worst experience wth is wrong with your "friend"?

Your friends a dick.

There are some weird attitudes to c sections out there, after my first(crash section) I was told I was too posh to push by a friend. It really upset me as I was struggling to deal with the experience anyway. Still winds me up now and ds1 is 8!

How utterly bizarre. You DID go through transition - you must have done if you had an episiotomy and forceps!

I genuinely didn’t know it was possible to have a section once you’d reached the stage of needing an episiotomy and forceps. I’d always thought that they couldn’t do sections when the baby was that far down. It certainly doesn’t sound to me like you had it easy - without meaning to sound insensitive it sounds like you had the worst of both worlds, you poor thing!

Your friends are anything but.

There are two ways to give birth - you can push a baby out or have the baby cut out.

Women and babies have been dying in childbirth since childbirth has existed. Pushed out is lower risk for the mother but higher risk for the baby, cut out is higher risk for mother, lower risk for baby.

Only idiots think the way your so-called friends do.

No buddy, neither did I. Apparently they can push the baby back up the vaginal canal. Not the nicest thought. Hats off to the nhs staff who got my little lad out
I think I’ve maybe seen that my friend is not necessarily as good a friend as I thought. Whoever said she will be funny about every choice I make is probably right. She was quite off with me that I didn’t breastfeed after the first two weeks (although I do agree breastfeeding is the ideal).

Mitzik! That sounds like hell!

OP if she or anyone else ever says anything like that to you again, give a little chuckle and ask them the mumsnet classic
"Sorry, did you mean to be so rude?"

To be fair, my C-Section was an absolute joy after 4 days of a failed induction, that fucking god awful drip and two failed epidurals. I wouldn’t wish my experience on my worst enemy. Yes my recovery is a bit harder than a straight forward vaginal birth might have been but if I could go back in time I’d have requested the section in a heartbeat!

How have I got a 3 week old baby in my arms when I didn’t technically “give birth”? Your friend is a knob!

And you know something? I cried because I felt a failure for needing a section (failure to progress - 3.5cm dilated and no further) and because I felt robbed of the birth experience that I’d been expecting/promised.

It’s people like your friend who make women like us feel so much worse about our choices and birthing needs. Dick.

Easy bit! Sounds like a nightmare to me. I had easy births, no pain relief and quick, thankfully never had a back to back labour. That doesn’t sound like a friend to me.