To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

[Reallyreallyreally1]

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

Thank you for all your messages of support and your own stories. I liked the article three truths about c section mothers- the bit about being left without your partner while approx a million staff members run around you rang very true.
It’s really interesting to read all your experiences. At the moment I can’t envisage EVER doing that again, especially as it would likely be a planned induction process (ds was 11lb 3oz ). But you never know. And as many of you have said, with time this all becomes less important!

Hi Reallyreallyreally1,
High five to all the c section mums out there!
I had a very similar experience to you. I'd like to point out that a c section is major surgery and carries risks. Healing also takes longer than with a vaginal birth.
So well done you for being a strong mum. Ignore your narrow minded so called friend, what a ridiculously stupid thing to say to you. For me the hardest part was not being able to pick my baby up when he cried or being in hospital for 6 days afterwards, not being able to pull myself up in bed due to having canulars in both hands Or for being under general anaesthetic and not witnessing the "birth" of my son. But hey!!! An emergency c section is NOT an easy thing to cope with so I congratulate you on bringing your child safely into this world.

NoArmaniNoPunani
You have the perfect description of this uneducated person
#bellend

Love it

You're friend sounds like a cunt.

Ditch her NOW before she has the chance to come out with more bullshit that might get inside your head. Honestly, what the fuck is the matter with some people. Get rid, your baby is bound to sleep/wean/walk/talk WRONG as well in the world according to her. Save yourself the strain of rolling your eyes.

Congrats on your baby!

Was a baby born? Yes? That's birth. Your 'friend' is a wanker.

wtaf? We've all earned our stripes during labour - doubt many of us just popped one out like a pea from a pod. It's not an Olympic event with perfect 10s for performance and 'text book' delivery! Two lives going through a difficult, painful and emotional process is a unique and personal experience and not something anyone can trivialise.

She sounds like a prize bitch.

Your friend is an idiot! I was in labour for 24 hours and spent another 8 hours trying to push baby out. Even after being put on the list for an cs i was still trying to do it naturally as i believed all the bullshit about cs being the easy way out and not doing it properly. I eventually got into theatre where they tried the ventouse first before having the section. Mentally it was the worst time of my life - not knowing what was going on, scared something could happen to baby.
Honestly anyone who says its the easy way needs their head checking! Sending hugs and hope those comments havent messed with you too much xxx

What an awful thing to say to anyone. Why, in this day and age is there still so much competition about childbirth? I know someone a bit like that...very old now ...but no-one's birth experiences were more traumatic than hers. In a way I can understand someone in their 80's or 90s being a bit like that. They often had narrower more home centred lives where childbirth was a massive topic of conversation for some women ...even years after they'd given birth. Thank goodness my own mother wasn't like that.

As for me ...aged 66 ...very long but very easy birth. I developed pre eclampsia so was in hospital prior to the birth. They thought pain would make the very high blood pressure even worse so strongly recommended an epidural. Well, in those days you pretty much did as you were told. I hadn't even heard of them and was terrified. It was absolutely amazing. 14 hours ...hardly a twinge. Did I bond with my baby? The second she was placed in my arms. She is 43 now. I have a great relationship and two marvellous grandchildren.

So long as the outcome is a healthy baby and mother it really doesn't matter how we arrive there. I have heard this competitive birthing so often. It doesn't do anybody any favours. Lets all make the choices which are right for us and not pull other mothers down.

induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs

As someone who had induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, but not the emcs, I can assure you you didn't miss anything except blessed relief that the baby came out without having to progress to a emcs.

I can sort of understand ignorant people calling cs the 'easy option' if it's the pre-planned calm non-emergency sort (I still don't think it is), but going through basically all of a vaginal birth and then having a emcs at the end sounds like a nightmare (sorry).

Your 'friend' is a twat. (And completely wrong about transition, which is before pushing). But childbirth fucks a lot of people up, so maybe this is her messed up way of dealing with her own trauma.

Fuck her OP.

Mother is ok. Child is ok. Fuck her!
My 'friend' told me I hadn't given birth due to my c-sections. Fuck her too!

That is a horrible thing to say and not in the slightest bit true. I was pregnant at the same time as 2 good friends, I had a natural birth on gas and air, they both had emergency c-sections. We have all given birth, albeit in different ways, and there is no way on earth I'd describe their sections as 'the easy option'. Ok, they had epidurals and didn't experience crowning etc, but I was up and walking several miles with week old DS strapped to my chest whilst they were laid up and one had an infected section scar which gave her months of trouble. Neither way is easy, otherwise we'd all do it that way wouldn't we!

I hate this culture where women are berated for accepting medical advice and pain relief, as if you deserve your baby less because you didn't go from start to finish with no pain relief. I didn't get a medal for running out of time for an epidural and I was begging for the anaesthetist to hurry up to get to me. My 2 friends will probably have elected c-sections next time and good for them.

Plus OP, there is nothing that suggests ' the easy way out' about episiotomy and forceps to me! Well done and enjoy your lovely baby.

Omg your friend is awful! First of all giving birth is giving birth, we have absolutely no control over how our body/baby reacts during labour & the experience you had is your birthing experience and nobody else’s. It sounds like you really went through the mill, to go through the whole labour part and still have a c section at the End is hard going. Your friend needs to get a life!

Your friend is an idiot. I've given birth vaginally and via emcs. There is no easy way. Don't take what she said to heart. She hasn't been through what you have or she would know better than to spout such nonsense.

Get these pondspawn out of your life, they're not your friends, they're horrible morons.

Your birth sounds hard. I hope your recovery (physical, mental and emotional) has gone ok.

BUT even if you'd had a dream of an elective c-section with smooth recovery, that's still giving birth and not exactly a walk in a park. It's not some kind of pain competition, FFS!

She’s not really a friend. That’s a horrible and bizarre statement to make. Birth takes all forms!

What an arse! Has she had contractions with a back to back baby? Easy?

Your friend is a bitch.

I’ve had 2 c sections, one for breech and one I was hoping for VBAC. I wish I’d had both babies the normal way.

Your friend is a knob and I hope you don't keep her as a friend!
One of DHs friends told me it was such a shame that I'd never experience giving birth "properly". My first DS was born just shy of 24 weeks and she thought it must have been easy because the baby was so tiny. Nope. Since then I've had 2 EMCS, and she also said they don't really count as giving birth because c sections are easy and I didn't have to do any of the hard work (hahahaha I fucking wish). She was promptly put in her place and we don't see her anymore. Absolute bell end.

She's a nutter - ignore - your experience sounds like you went through a lot to me! but regardless - its not a competition - don't engage with her.

When someone has had an emergency c section, it’s obvious they’ve had a hard time and been unable give birth vaginally.

What a bizarre thing to say to you. What were you supposed to do, refuse the emcs and die? Do these women actually understand what one of them was saying?

She sounds like a cow

Nasty nasty woman. Anyone who dismisses your experience like that is not a friend and I wouldn't ever speak to her again.

You've been pregnant and delivered a baby - no matter how the baby was delivered, you know exactly what it is like to give birth as your baby is out.

I've been extremely lucky to have 2 straightforward vaginal deliveries but that is luck of the draw. I am not superior to you in anyway for having my babies delivered that way and nor is she or anyone else.

Enjoy your beautiful baby and cut people like that out of your life - they are a waste of space

Sympathies, OP. What an awful thing to say.

I had a CS and had one remark from a friend of a friend at a dinner party that I've told on here before because it gobsmacked me so much. Someone asked me what hospital I'd had DS in, and I said I'd been planning on midwife unit X but ended up giving birth in maternity hospital y, and this woman leaned across the table and said 'I need to correct you there. You didn't 'give birth'.