To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

[Reallyreallyreally1]

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

I agree what would she know I had an emergency section and a natural birth and your still giving birth rude ain't the word

Similar experience to some PPs, I never went into labour, DS delivered by EMCS as he was small and had unexplained decelerations so never got that far. As far as I'm concerned he is no longer in my uterus so I gave birth to him. Luckily not many people have been stupid enough to tell me that I didn't have a "real" birth, or I would have told them that being rushed into emergency surgery without being sure if my child would live or die felt pretty damned real at the time. Tell your not-friend to do one.

It is indeed a bonkers opinion - you have a baby so you gave birth .

Your friend had said an idiotic thing... I hope it was a one off.

I've had both, one emcs and two vbac. All three times a baby was born, therefore I gave birth three times. (and for what it's worth, in my case the emcs was far more traumatic in every way!). Your friend is most unpleasant.

I’m sorry I only read your original post so forgive if I’m repeating other people... But... Fuck me! Who the FUCK does she think she is??!! That’s no friend or associate?!! Labour? Why is it called that? Cos that’s exactly what it is... hard work, arduous and a bloody nightmare at the best of times. Yes it’s so wonderful in the end but my god it’s not easy for 90% of us

I am a midwife for over thirty years and I have never heard such vile comments. Believe me you have GIVEN BIRTH!! You have had everything childbirth can throw at you and my absolute sympathy to feel devastatingly hurt. Shocking behaviour from so called friends - what is all this about transition nonsense? That's moving from the first to second stage of labour - which you achieved beautifully. Little bitchy comments are disappointing - kick these people into touch and join a new group of new mums. Bitches.

I've had an emcs and a vaginal delivery with zero interventions or pain relief. In my vaginal delivery, I had 3 days of intense labor for a first stage...and pushed for less than 30 seconds total; that baby was practically rocket-launched across the room before the doctor could even arrive.

It was the absolute least challenging bit of either of my births, and in fact felt incredibly good after so many contractions where I was helpless to do anything but agonize!

That isn't a friend. That is a twat!

Your friend is a b*ll end! Sounds like you had a rough time.

I had an awful experience, emcs whereby my baby ended up starved of oxygen and ended up in nicu for a week. It was really touch and go and what i would give to have had a relatively ‘normal’ birth. I still gave birth though and a emcs is not the easy way out. It was very scary!!!

Her comments have hurt me and I don’t even know her. I am sorry she has said this to you x hugs

Wow!
I cant believe she said that.

I did not have a C sec but your birth was far worse than mine! (1st was 17 mins of pushing and slid out - 2nd got stuck but consultant got "stuck in" and pulled him out - still not as bad as yours in my mind!).

You got all the way to pushing - thats everything! The pushing part is litrally the last bit - unless im remembering it wrong!

Yes you has emcs but thats cose after pushing/assistance etc baby didnt come out.
Thats not the easy option by any means!
My friend had a similar experience to you but she still gave birth.

Im just so wow at her comment!

I had an ecs because I had pre eclampsia. My baby was in scbu for a while and I was unable to breast feed as my milk didn’t come in. I was told by a couple of other mums in my antinatal class that I hadn’t given birth and I obviously hadn’t tried hard enough to breast feed. I cried for hours. But slowly I realised my life and my babies had been in danger due to the pre eclampsia and my baby was to young when he was born to suck, so formula saved his life. I was so lucky to have him and I wasn’t going to let those bitches put me down. Unfortunately, that one up a ship doesn’t really end. He’s 15 now and it still goes on with some mums. Hey ho!

Wow your friend sounds like a total arse. Giving birth isn't about who suffers the most trauma because of it. It's not like top trumps where you get more birth points depending on how the child exited 🙈

I wouldn't give it a second thought. You birthed a human. You know what births about.

These people are not friends.

I had a similar experience to you with baby 1 but didn't need EMCS. With baby number 2 I had 3 minutes of pushing (the bit you skimped out on lol)

In both cases I would take a vaginal birth over cs every single time. I can't even imagine how frustrating the recovery is and how scary it must be to have to go through emcs.

I’m so cross and disgusted about this on your behalf OP. No one in their right mind would say something so uncalled for to anyone, never mind someone they’re supposed to class as a friend.

I had an emergency c section, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life, as well as the run up to it, which was obviously problematic otherwise I wouldn’t have needed a section - much like you!

Some people are just nasty. You have a healthy baby and you’re both safe and well. That should be the main concern of your friend(s).

Push her stupid, ridiculous and thoughtless comments out of your mind. Concentrate on your yourself, your baby and your real friends.

Tell her you were cut open and risked your life for emergency surgery to put your child first as had labour carried on your child could of bern starved of oxygen and died. Ask her if her pelvis had been too small for her child to move through would she rather surgery or their death. Not to mention weeks of not driving or lifting your baby while having the same cramps and bleeding as her but worrying about popping a stitch or catching an infection. I think your afte4 birth experience was a lot harder as a person who had 2 natural births( it felt far from as also back to back) i know except for the mild pain from epidural site i was basically pain free after you no doubt were not.

I have personally had two virginal delivery and I have been a birthing partner for a friend who had back to back, drip, ECS.
My friend is a fucking legend who knows more about pain and endurance than I ever will.

Having had both, a section is definitely not the easy option. So many people see it as so. I think this is a really horrid thing to say to you. I always felt I'd not given birth properly when I had my section so it's a really heartless thing to say. Who knows what you might be thinking or feeling? I wonder if she resents that she feels you had the easier option. Sorry that is so garbled, I hope you know what I mean. All the best to you and your baby and I hope you're healing ok xx

I am so angry for you.
I too had a pretty painful almost got a c section then ended with forceps and episiotomy.
How f**ing dare she undermine your experience.
I was in tears due to tiredness and ‘shame’ when my dad came to visit me in the hospital because I thought I had ‘failed’ because I had to get forceps. My baby was facing sideways which is why was almost c section.
My family and health visitor were adamant I was wrong and too hard on myself.
Anyway!
YANBU
You’re friend is cow.

I've had both cs and natural birth. Also had forceps. I can honestly say I'd rather have natural than cs any day. No knocking anyone's opinions but the healing time after and the impact of cs was far worse than my natural deliveries even the delivery with zero pain relief was preferable. YADNBU...totally bonkers. Birth is birth and everyone's experience is their own

I thought transition was the bit in between contractions and pushing where there’s no gap between contractions anymore? In which case you have been if you got to the pushing stage.

Anyhow, your friend sounds like a nob.

What a nasty thing to say. I am sorry but I no longer would be in her Company. Every bodies child birth is unique to them. I remember being so upset after one of my DC when somebody said. “ oh a c section, how easy”. What they didn’t know was I had full labour and had problems while giving birth. So it was anything but easy. I never spoke to the woman again.
Don’t dwell. Move on with you baby.

Honestly, I’d have laughed my head off at her and said, “you’re right, YOU WIN! Here’s your Best Mummy Medal!”

And never spoken to the stupid cow ever again....

She is clearly batshit. You’ve had a baby - you’ve given birth, end of.

No method is easy. Must admit even c-section isn't easy, had to have one with my first son due to complications, the epidural didn't working so i felt everything. Refused to go under general as i knew there were risks to him with it and there were already potential problems but as soon as he was out safe they put under general. Then few 4 weeks recovery from memory.

The perfect opportunity to give her a Mrs Brown's Boys style "That's nice" if she says anything like that again. (Look up the clip on Youtube if you don't know what I'm on about).