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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off my dh has friend round while I'm ill in bed

98 replies

Mydietstartstomorrow · 11/02/2019 22:52

Both me and my ds (12) have this horrible lurgy flu bug thing and have been in bed since Friday night. Dh has come home from work this evening and has his friend round (regular visitor to say the least) and they have been drinking downstairs all night. Is it just me being a bit precious and maybe overly emotional as I feel like shit, but think that if your partner is that unwell it's a bit out of order to have friends over for a jolly sesh?! Dh brought him up earlier to help him bring some food up to us (very appreciative of food and waiter service) but not really appreciating him coming into my room when I feel so ill and not seen a shower in nearly 4 days! Also I have the bedroom door open as the room gets stuffy with the central heating on and he's up and down past my room using the lav! AIBU to be annoyed at dh for this?!

OP posts:

NineNine · 12/02/2019 09:46

The suggestion of flu does seem to get people riled up doesn’t it?

What gets me though are the ones saying ‘what is he supposed to do? Sit downstairs by himself watching tv?’ Er, yes! What’s so terrible about that for a couple of evenings?!

Janecon · 12/02/2019 09:53

I've had flu - once. I was very seriously ill and I've never forgotten it.

OP - I don't think you're unreasonable at all to still be in bed if you are unwell. But I do think it's unreasonable to expect your DH's life to be on hold. I don't understand why you'd be bothered that he had a friend round and he's not ignoring you, he's bringing you food etc. Totally unreasonable though to bring his friend into your room though! Close your door.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 09:58

I have had flu.

But honestly opp if you haven't even been able to leave the bed or shower for 3/4 days you probably should be seeking medical attention. Especially for your child.

If a woman posted here that her dh hadn't left the bedroom or showered for 3 days, people would be piling on to call him last and that he was milking it.

I wouldn't not expect my Dp to sit downs stairs waiting hand and foot on me and not having anyone over

I would air your room out. Turn the radiator off, open a window, ask dh to help change the bed, and get a shower and close the door

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/02/2019 10:09

Sorry you’re feeling so shit OP, hope it passes soon. In my opinion he wasn’t unreasonable to have a friend over, but aside from feeding you, they sound pretty inconsiderate (noise/smoke/privacy).

NutElla5x · 12/02/2019 10:34

Give the guy a break. He's come home from work,is waiting hand and foot on you and your child and is having a bit of down time. Shut your door and open a window if your hot.

Youseethethingis · 12/02/2019 10:54

Last time I was ill I crawled to the shower and had to sit down in it before I passed out. Should have just skipped the shower rather than put myself in that position tbh.
Would it really have killed your DH to forgo company for a few nights to give you space and peace? What a precious flower he must be if that’s the case. Honestly OP, YANBU.

BishopBrennansArse · 12/02/2019 11:29

"Especially for your child" would only be relevant if there was one parent - there are quite obviously 2 in this case so it makes no sense whatsoever

CurtainsOpen · 12/02/2019 11:31

You're ill and you're crabby. It happens, and it'll pass. Woman up and get well soon!

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 11:56

Especially for your child" would only be relevant if there was one parent - there are quite obviously 2 in this case so it makes no sense whatsoever

Eh? What does having 2 parents have anything to do with seeking medical attention?

If OP and the dc are genuonely that poorly they can't even shower, they need medical attention, even if op refuses medical help

bobstersmum · 12/02/2019 11:59

No shower for 4 days is rank.

Alleycat1 · 12/02/2019 12:11

Ok, I have had 3 major surgeries for 3 different cancers and every time I got out of bed for at least a couple of hours the next day However, I have also had flu and was completely pole-axed for about a week, just getting to the loo was a struggle. Cut the poor OP some slack for goodness sake. I suspect those of you moaning that she should be up have never had a severe dose of flu. As for the guest, ok you are being a tad unreasonable OP but so is your DH for allowing his friend into your room.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 12/02/2019 12:17

No shower for four days is indeed rank...but that's what flu can do to you. I doubt anyone enjoys lying there feeling crap and unwashed, but sometimes that's what you have to do because you don't have the energy to move. And heaven help any of you unsympathetic souls if you ever suffer from full-on clinical depression, because that can play utter havoc with the importance - or otherwise - you place on personal hygiene. It's often a part of being ill, and just because you climbed Everest the day after a triple heart bypass, three liver transplants and an empathectomy doesn't mean everyone is the same or anyone who doesn't is weaker or somehow 'lesser' than you.

I've had flu twice, and both times it absolutely and completely wiped me out for about a week. The first time I lived on my own and I literally had to crawl on my hands and knees across the room to the phone to ring in sick from work (this was pre-mobile days) because I didn't have the energy to stand up. Having a shower within the first few days was as likely as flying to the moon.

OP, YANBU to be in bed for four days+ with flu, nor are you BU for not wanting your DH's mate to come waltzing into your bedroom when you're ill. I don't think it's completely out of order for him to have a friend round though, so long as they're considerate of you (so don't get rowdy etc).

Celticrose · 12/02/2019 12:25

Jesus wept, patients having major surgery are up and about in 6 hours

The reason people are up after major surgery is to do with blood clots which can potentially kill you. After major surgery years ago yes I was up out of bed but that meant just walking around for maybe 15 mins and then back to bed. As I had had a DVT a couple of years previously I was a bit nervous to say the least.
When I went home 4 days later on Christmas eve all I was fit for lying on the sofa and and maybe potter about the house now and again. DH took me shopping a week later to get some ready meals and after 10 mins walking around the place I was totally knackered I felt like I was at least 90 (sorry I know some in their nineties are not like this) As I had been at home all this time I was starting to feel a bit better and stronger but being out of the house showed me I was not actually ok

Ohnonotuagain · 12/02/2019 12:28

In sorry you're ill but you're being unreasonable.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/02/2019 12:31

Why haven’t you had a shower? That’s grim. I don’t think he’s unreasonable in having his friend round, why would you begrudge him that?

peachgreen · 12/02/2019 12:45

I love that this thread is simultaneously saying "you don't have flu, if you had flu you wouldn't be able to post on Mumsnet" and "can't believe you've been in bed for three days, jeez, it's only flu". Oh, AIBU. Never change.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Original poster

Mydietstartstomorrow · 12/02/2019 12:47

Ok,ok, the hygiene police can step down now, I've had a shower!
My question wasn't about a diagnosis of my condition/whether i was a sloth-like malingering lazy cow or how hard core you are post illness or surgery, it was more to do with consideration when your partner is unwell and I have said I accept I was maybe a little precious about it. As I had also said, i had been feeling a little better so it would have been nice to have the option to have gotten up and come downstairs but that wasn't really an option when they here.
And I certainly don't think I'd said I'd expected him to wait on me hand and foot! And neither did he! He brought me a meal up, he'd hardly given me a bell to ring! That was the extent of being waited on. There was far too much rugby on and drinking to be done I can assure you! I didn't expect him to put his life on hold for me, jeeeeeze, I'd much rather he'd gone out!
Anyway, normality to resume. After coming downstairs to discover the shit pit that has been left, i have plenty to try to get on with, no more malingering for me! 🙄

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 12/02/2019 14:30

OP you joke but that is far worse that he has left a mess for you to clean

StopMakingAFoolOutofMe · 12/02/2019 14:35

Fucking hell, I've been bed bound for over a year. I don't have circulation issues and I'm not seen as a risk. I also sometimes go well over a week without showering as I physically can't.

Batshit Mumsnet again.

Nanny0gg · 14/02/2019 00:09

Have you had Words with him, OP?

MrMeSeeks · 14/02/2019 02:28

Yabu about your husband, but really, ‘people who have had surgery are up and about after 6 hours’ well good for them!
If you had flu you wouldn’t be on a phone/tablet posting on the internet and wouldn’t be able to eat!!
I’ve had the flu ( confimed by a doc when i was admitted into hosp) and i i was not throwing up and was still able to use my phone.
People are affected in different ways

MrsTerryPratcett · 14/02/2019 03:01

The competitive illness tolerance is really strange.

I've had a tropical that nearly killed me and I walked around with it for four days before being admitted to hospital. Period pains have me doubled over and weeping.

People tolerate different things differently. Oh and a mate of DH's drunk in my room when I'm sick? That's a hard no.

BlackCatSleeping · 14/02/2019 03:18

I can't believe the OP has been told to woman up and get out of bed.

Last year my kids got the flu. During that time no one was allowed friends over. Sick people need rest and quiet. Well people shouldn't be coming over and spreading illnesses about.

The only thing the OP is unreasonable about is cleaning up after her husband when she isn't well.

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