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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off my dh has friend round while I'm ill in bed

98 replies

Mydietstartstomorrow · 11/02/2019 22:52

Both me and my ds (12) have this horrible lurgy flu bug thing and have been in bed since Friday night. Dh has come home from work this evening and has his friend round (regular visitor to say the least) and they have been drinking downstairs all night. Is it just me being a bit precious and maybe overly emotional as I feel like shit, but think that if your partner is that unwell it's a bit out of order to have friends over for a jolly sesh?! Dh brought him up earlier to help him bring some food up to us (very appreciative of food and waiter service) but not really appreciating him coming into my room when I feel so ill and not seen a shower in nearly 4 days! Also I have the bedroom door open as the room gets stuffy with the central heating on and he's up and down past my room using the lav! AIBU to be annoyed at dh for this?!

OP posts:
Bryjam · 12/02/2019 00:54

I don't care if you have flu or not, you have been unwell and stayed in bed. That's ok. Sometimes when I'm unwell I just need rest.

But YABU to be pissed off at your DH for having a friend round. I don't see why that should be a problem? The works continues when we are in bed.

Stormy76 · 12/02/2019 00:58

YANBU, you are ill. I have to rest a lot when I am ill, it doesn’t make you a malingerer because every body is different. No he shouldn’t have his mate round when you are sick, he is being inconsiderate, him doing that means you can’t get up and go down to slob on the sofa with no bra on......I hate wearing bras at home.

You do need to wash though....... you must stink lol get in the bath, it will help you feel better and get steam will help clear your sinuses out.

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2019 06:49

Get your 'helpful' DH to change the bed while you have a bath.

Nothing nicer

He can do the same for your dd!

saoirse31 · 12/02/2019 07:05

You need to have a shower, change your bed clothes, get out of bed tbh. Unless you're seriously ill.

Nothinglefttochoose · 12/02/2019 07:25

Yuck. I’d have to be near death not to shower for 4 days. You’ve got the flu not meningitis! I got up and showered the next day after major surgery. Toughen up!!

Quartz2208 · 12/02/2019 07:31

Oh ffs it’s not a competition. I had (diagnosed) swine flu and was not sick once but did pretty much want to stay in bed for a week (tricky with a 9 month old) and it was awful
He is being thoughtless smoking and talking outside and having someone traipse around the house when his wife and son are ill

Cockycockerel · 12/02/2019 07:31

The flu is hardly major surgery. I showered daily after my c-section and walked the dog and baby for a couple of hours too, but when I had the flu (not a sniffle; the flu), I could not get out of bed.

I don’t know whether or not the OP has flu, but let’s not pretend that the flu is a walk in the park that you can just tough it through. Honestly, I despair on here sometimes.

Damntheman · 12/02/2019 07:52

Good grief you people are incredibly unsympathetic. You all don't know if OP has flu or not so don't speculate. It's perfectly normal to be in bed for 3 days with illness.

And YANBU OP, if DH wants company he can go out to have it where he isn't disturbing his ill family. The last thing recuperating people need is visitors to the house. DH is being very unfair behaving like this, particularly if his smoking is preventing you opening your window to air out.

Feel better soon!

CherryPavlova · 12/02/2019 07:53

I can’t begin to imagine four days without a shower. It does seem like a very long time in bed without getting up at all. I’d have thought if you can eat that you could wash.

Springwalk · 12/02/2019 07:53

I can’t understabd the replies on here. Obviously the pp have never had flu! Of course you need to be in
bed!
I would be beyond furious if my dh saw that as a drinking opportunity. Could he not simply have a beer downstairs and watch a film like everyone else?
The fact he brought his friend to your room?!!! Ew. I would HATE that! When you are properly ill you need peace and quiet and to not be disturbed.
Your dh is completely in the wrong. Their friendship sounds very teenage to me, following each other around. Get well soon op. Have a bath instead of a shower, the shower will be painful on your skin.

ShihTzup · 12/02/2019 07:55

A lot of posters are missing the point where the friend goes into the OP's room without anybody thinking to ask here whether she's OK with that.

OP, I’ve had similar situations with my DH's family appearing uninvited in my room when I am in there busy being unwell. It’s a horrible intrusion and it felt like I had no agency over my privacy in my own home.

Like you, I had to close my bedroom door (not that that kept them out after all) when I didn’t want to, and scrurry to the loo in my dressing gown hoping not to encounter any of them in the stairwell.

All I wanted was to be left alone and to have some peace to get better. I could just about tolerate the peace being taken away but the not leaving me alone was just awful.

Adversecamber22 · 12/02/2019 08:03

I had flu at the very end of November, I was in bed for four days, it took me a month to fully recover. It’s the second time in my life I have had it. I could barely shuffle about for a couple of weeks.

I would have hated his friend coming in the room that’s the only actual thing that should not have happened.

NameChangeNugget · 12/02/2019 08:05

I think YABVU

BeanTownNancy · 12/02/2019 08:54

The flu is hardly major surgery. I showered daily after my c-section and walked the dog and baby for a couple of hours too, but when I had the flu (not a sniffle; the flu), I could not get out of bed.

Exactly. Last week my family got a cold. Not the flu, just a cold. Each of us had to spend at least a day in bed with it because it kicked our collective arses. The guy who sits next to me at work has the same cold and has developed pneumonia (and is obviously now signed off work) - I'm pregnant and I didn't. After my open surgery where the surgeon literally removed my intestines and cut them up, I was walking around within a couple of hours - didn't need a day in bed.

Different people have different reactions to the same illness and the same person can react differently to different illnesses. It's just luck, it's not indicative of character or weakness. Hmm

I'm sorry you're feeling sensitive OP - I'd not be up for visitors either when feeling disgusting. If you can manage to struggle to the bath you'll feel worlds better. But do cut your husband some slack, and maybe just ask tell him you want privacy - he doesn't understand but that's not his fault. Get well soon! Flowers

Glitterblue · 12/02/2019 08:56

Oh my, some very unsympathetic people on here! Getting at OP for being in bed since Friday and saying she can't have flu if she feels like being on mumsnet...

I was hospitalised with flu once (I have asthma). I almost died yet after 3 or 4 days I did feel like being on my phone etc..

OP feel better soon, I would hate a random man coming into my bedroom like that. It would be different if they stayed downstairs or if you could have the door shut and the window open.

Messyisthenewtidy · 12/02/2019 09:03

Jesus people are unsympathetic. I’m recovering from labyrinthitis which developed from a viral infection which put me in bed for weeks.

YANBU OP. On a side noteI would look up on YouTube some exercises for the bedridden as you don’t want problems from low blood circulation.

Hope you feel better soon.

dashitauntagatha · 12/02/2019 09:07

Usual hilarious responses of people thinking they can diagnose flu (or rather definitely not flu) over the internet.

Also a weird inability to realise that:

A) not all flu viruses are identical so can have different symptoms e.g. some are more likely to cause gastro symptoms than others.

B) not all people are the same either! So react and respond to the virus in diffent ways.

C) most people who say they know because they've had the flu probably don't actually know because you can only know for sure if you have a swab to confirm.

D) all of this is actually irrelevant, the op has an illness which has rendered her bedbound for a few days, flu or otherwise.

Op I'd be mildly pissed off if I was you too. It wasn't massively kind of your partner to bring a friend round for a session when you were laid up in bed. Equally it wasn't the biggest of crimes either so maybe best to let it go. Hope you feel better soon!

Aenn · 12/02/2019 09:10

This place is horrible sometimes. Flu puts you in bed for a week. Nothing wrong with that OP.

I agree it’s weird to have guests round when your partner is in bed with flu. Even weirder to have that guest help him bring food up. How uncomfortable. It’s very reasonable to want privacy when you are ill!

BishopBrennansArse · 12/02/2019 09:19

This place is fucking ridiculous sometimes with all the competitive hard arsery.
Oh yeah well I had a head amputation and I didn't even go to bed, so why flu would make put you there for FOUR WHOLE DAYS I do not know.

FFS.

Not enough of these emojis in the world 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Travisandthemonkey · 12/02/2019 09:22

I had my leg amputated and a brain tumour removed and I still did iron man the day after.
You’re being precious

poglets · 12/02/2019 09:28

It's nobody's fucking business how long she has been in bed for. I assume you all have Harvard medical degrees to back up these convictions.

I would have told my husband's friend to fuck off out of my room. But then I am nice like that and my DH wouldn't invite anyone upstairs to my bedroom in the first place.

Meralia · 12/02/2019 09:29

Actually no I don’t think yabu at all.

It’s basic consideration really. Doesn’t take much to phone friend and say ‘ ‘mydiet’ isn’t feelin well, she’s been in bed ill since Friday, can we give this week a miss?’

I really wouldn’t want dh’s friends lurking about my house when I’m so poorly, especially them coming into my room, even if they do bring food. I like my privacy when I’m ill.

Meralia · 12/02/2019 09:32

And there’s nothing wrong with being in bed ill for as long as you want to be or need to be. You don’t get a medal for hauling your arse out of bed, and running marathons or securing world peace when you’re ill.

Take as long as you need OP. I was laid up in bed for a week with swine flu a few years ago. Horrible! Hope you feel better soon.

2019Dancerz · 12/02/2019 09:37

For future reference, flu jag is a tenner from many pharmacies.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2019 09:41

..... and it doesnt always work and it doesnt work for all variants of flu. But apart from that.....