DS had no choice to punch him

[carrywatermelons]

DS8 is a very gentle and peaceful child. He is never in trouble at school and rarely at home.
Dh collected him from school to be told there was an incident and DS lost his break.
Turns out 2 boys - one being the biggest in the school - were trapping DS in the playground and then in a shed in a alley next to the playground. Both blocked one exit each, The bigger one threatened to punch him. DS tried to push his way out where the smaller boy was - DS was very scared - but it didn't work so panicked and he punched the smaller boy (not hard).
DS got a red card and sent to the school office to do work - which is basically isolation - and neither of the other 2 even got told off. DS came home in floods of tears, being trapped and threatened has really shook him up.
Tried to call the school but received an email back saying how they were glad DS showed remorse and to talk to him about positive behaviour choices.

I am completely on your side, your poor son did the only thing he could think of to get him out of a situation that was scaring him badly.

When I was at school I had three girls that picked on me for some reason, I went to the toilet once then they happened to come in after me and walked round me in a circle like a pack of circling sharks, still scares me to think of it now, luckily I could get out the door, I can't imagine how terrifying it would have been to be totally trapped.

I would be hunting down the principal of my child's school until I got a satisfactory answer as to why these children were allowed to threaten my child in this manner and how they were going to prevent it happening ever again if I were you. Your child has every right to feel safe at school and right now your school is failing to provide a safe environment.

The bullies won this round as your son was punished for defending himself and they got off scott free. Personally I hope he clocked the other kid a good one.

Im a teacher and i wouldnt be happy with that at all.

I hope that the smaller boy has learnt not to mess with your son now! If this is the first incident that your son has experienced it sounds to me perfectly reasonable the way he reacted. Being a mum of a boy who's older than yours now I've been through what you're feeling right now and remember being steaming mad at the time. For what another poster said there are complete wind-up merchants but sometimes they do get their comeuppance. Ask school for a meeting and see what happens next. Where are the lunchtime controllers when all this is going on?

I'm a teacher and this has made me feel sick. I'd be absolutely fucking furious with the school for their blatant disregard of the others' behaviour.

I wouldn't be allowing my child to return until it was dealt with properly and I had assurances that both children had been reprimanded and it wouldn't happen again.

I'd be in that school the next morning demanding to speak to whatever teacher dealt with this. None of this is okay and your son should never feel frightened at school. I'd want to hear all sides to this.

I’m not saying that his response was unreasonable merely that it wasn’t the correct response in that he may have manipulated the situation better. Hitting out of fear (doing anything out of fear) is a stupid thing to do. This is a valuable learning opportunity. He is likely to come across people who bully or intimidate him in the future. He should have learned from this experience that, while taking offensive action is effective, it will make him look bad and he may come to regret it. The lesson here is not to panic and to consider all of his options carefully before acting. Making sure that he learns his lesson is most important here. If he doesn’t learn from this then it will just happen again next time.

This is disgusting. I hate it when schools only react to the last resort whilst conveniently ignoring the build up. Your son did right by punching imo! If someone trapped me down a bloody alleyway i wouldn't be stopping to hope someone would rescue me! Perhaps the two bullies will think next time.

I'd be livid with the school. How dare they punish your son whilst letting the other two scot free. My kids are taught as I was; do not ever start a fight. But if someone starts on you, you make them think twice about doing it again.

Just make sure that your ds knows you understand why he lashed out and that actually you think he did the right thing. Stuff what the school thinks. If the bullying continues get a copy of the school anti bullying policy and use it.

go speak to the school I would be furious if my ds was threatened then punished for defending himself.

I would be extremely unhappy about that and would complain. His actions were completely within the realm of self- defence, he feared for his safety so is entitled to act as he did, he is allowed to throw the first punch in those circumstances. Legally, he isn’t liable. Obviously he is under the age of criminal responsibility, but if my son acted in a way that is legally acceptable, I would be unimpressed by him being punished by the school.

I would outline this to the school. I would also acknowledge that there are two sides to every story etc and that they may be acting on different information received from the other boy. I would also query how the school deals with incidents of violence where the are conflicting accounts, how do they resolve it? Sounds like the teacher has gone down the route of punishing the child who admitted using physical force, but the situation is more nuanced than that and should be dealt with accordingly.

carrywatermelons ''Self defence is no offence''
Your DS behaved appropriately. No one traps you in a corner with good intentions.

I hope if this happened to someones daughter then some posters would think twice about their comments. They sound like victim blaming.

DS wouldn’t be going back there.

No way.

They have made no attempt to get to the bottom of it.
They have punished the victim.
They have let the bullies off
They have emailed you some utter shite.

No way would he be going back and I’d take it above the Head’s head.

I’d spend this week finding a better school & hopefully settling him into a new one after half term.

So basically other boys told this is acceptable?

I'm afraid I would turn into That Parent over something like this.

Damn right your DS did the right thing. Can't be doing with this 'violence isn't the answer' shit. Sometimes, just sometimes, it is.

I often think parents over-react but if the situation was as you describe the school is in the wrong.
Make an appointment to see whoever is dealing with it, ask for clarification and put your point over calmly but assertively.
The other children are sneaky bullies. That type get away with it too often.

Surprised the school told you what had happened to the other two boys-schools don’t usually do this.

I assume you’ve made an appointment with the Head?

I hope, @BertrandRussell, that @carrywatermelons comes back and updates here, certainly as there is still some info missing that could clarify what took place as I don't think we've got the whole picture.

I would be very concerned about him being trapped like that, awful bullying behaviour. I don't think punching was an ideal choice, although understandable if he was trapped for a long time with little hope of being discovered. Are there not playground attendants who would have seen?

Did you hear any more from the school OP? Hope your son is ok and has a good day today.

Hold on the teachers knew this was going on and did nothing. I hope you're going to put I'n a complaint.
That to me is a serious breach of safe guarding.
As a mum I can't sit here and write "Oh good for him for punching the bullies". However one thing I will say is They'll probably think twice about targeting him now.

I am actually speechless.
I had a meeting with the deputy head as the head is on leave. I explained everything that DS had said. I only put DS in school on the promise that they would investigate again, given what DS went through.
I received an email saying that they had all decided it was a misunderstanding. I was taken back but then she said that the teachers would be spoken with regarding the consequences.
When dh collected DS, he had been punished again and missed an entire break due to the original act of punching the boy the bigger boy also missed break and the small boy got off free.

Are you able to go in again tomorrow? I’m angry on your behalf. Did the deputy just not pass any info on?

It was the deputy head herself that set the extra punishment.

You don’t punish someone twice! Well not unless you set out the punishment the first time. This is unreal. I think you need to go in again if physically possible. Schools will punish both children in a fight I find, they do not want to encourage hitting back they are supposed to go and tell a staff member - doesn’t sound like an option in this case.

Well, at least big boy has been punished - but little one Scott free altogether?