I’m not sure if anyone remembers me from November time. I posted about my husband and his fish tank lights that were flooding the room neon blue, giving me migraines and he was refusing to turn them off and getting very nasty about it. There’s a long history of emotional and verbal abuse, as well as gaslighting.
Everyone here had amazing supportive advice, mostly to the tune of LTB. But I couldn’t. I was frozen with fear and my plan (until yesterday morning) was to stick out the next 13 years until the youngest was 18, and then go.
Yesterday, the abuse escalated to him stealing my phone to find proof that I’ve been having affairs with all and sundry (I have never) pushing me over onto the floor in front of our young children, swearing at me and trying to involve them in the argument by saying things like ‘mummy’s a bitch she’s been sleeping with other men she’s breaking our family up’.
Because I’m used to being gaslighted and verbally abused when the argument started I took a phone and began videoing the whole thing (albeit holding the phone against my side so he wouldn’t notice). There is over 20 minutes of footage of him swearing, pushing me etc. I called the police. They arrested him. I gave the footage to the police and they were optimistic that it would enough to charge him. They also took away his cannabis stash when they came back to take my statement.
After initially thinking that I had finally done the right thing by standing up for myself and not running scared, i feel a bit let down by everything.
They let him go after interviewing him because despite the video showing swearing and an obvious scuffle where I fall on the floor, it wasn’t enough evidence to charge him. So they let him go and he’s come home. I can’t get legal aid I’m not entitled. And he’s insistent that he’s not going anywhere. Now I’m in the house, I’m scared and I feel like this is why women don’t stand up to abuse because ultimately you’re on your own with it and it’s so scary. I have an appointment with a local family solicitor to discuss divorce and child arrangements, and I’m hoping it’s not going to cost the earth. We both own the house and I will not leave because I don’t want to walk away and make myself homeless. But having know what he’s like for the last 10 years, I’m fearful of what’s to come now I’ve finally said No More.
Sorry that’s long.