to not allow teenager to disco for bitchiness

[dementeddemon7]

I am a mother of a 14 year old girl.I have no guidance or direction as far as teenagers are concerned and herein lies my problem. Its long and boring to explain the back story so I shall try to be concise.

My daughter and an aquaintance who are in a large social group do not really get on. They tolerate eachother for the sake of the group.My daughter broke up with a casual boyfriend, her acquaitance was asked out by him, the next day.Daughter was hurt and embarrassed by both moving in so quickly. I didnt really see a problem as daughter finished with him but understood , to a point, why she might be unimpressed that her aquaintance would agree to see him so fast etc.

Roll on 5 days later where my dd is at a disco.ex bf and acquantance snog in front of my dd .Dd is hurt and embarrassed.Transpires that DD's and her acquaintances friends have been goading the couple to do this!
My DD has since been getting messages and texts from their group of friends, telling her how awful her acquaintance was for getting together with the guy, how they'd never speak to her again if it was them, how shes broken the girl code (!)and plenty of other such nonsense. I was quick to tell her it was nonsense and to get over it and stop being such a drama queen, listening to these girls.
DD was invited to a party at the weekend.She got there and girls started on and on about her acquaintance getting together with the guy.....again, how disgusting it was, how awful and unbelievable etc etc it was. DD asked them to just stop going on and on about it but they kept at it. DD finally exploded and said ... yes girls,what she did was a nasty and whory thing to do, now can we just leave it...'
One of said 'friends' then messaged the acquaintance to tell her that my dd called her 'a whore.' Aquaintance told her sister. Her Mother naturally rang me very very upset. WE chatted. We got to the bottom of it and found out the truth. What had been happening was that the big groups of girls had been bitching about one to the other and adding fuel to the fire so to speak and basically enjoying the drama over the guy in question.

We have come down very hard on our DD. Talks into the night. No free time for the week.No phone/internet for the week and then reduced to half hou for next few weeks after that etc, an apology and a suggestion of a meet up for the girls to sort this out and deal with it for once and for all which theyare both anxious to do and are doing at the weekend.The aquaintance is naturally gutted to think that her friends were also bitching about her and encouraging the argument not to mention that her actions were called nasty and whory by my daughter. Needless to say we are disgusted and ashamed at our daughters behaviour and use of language. However, there is a disco coming up next week, usual once a term underage disco for 14/15 year olds. Would I be too extreme to ban her from it or have I done enough to discourage this horrible nonsense from ever happening again.Appreciate your advice please. Im really just winging it.

Did you post about this when it happened OP? Your DD had dumped him by text and barely knew the girl?

Did you post about this when it happened OP? Your DD had dumped him by text and barely knew the girl?

I'm glad it's not just me who was thinking this. The other girl was basically in the same year and that was it.

*@Bluntness100I'm not slut shaming a 14 year old fgs. I'm 20 & doing what the other girl did (snogging in front of OP's dd when she KNEW they had just broken up, regardless of who broke it off) is considered a 'whory' thing to do!

No decent girl does that*

Well I would expect a 20 year old woman to know better than to describe a 14 year old girl as being "whorey". Perhaps you still have some growing up to do yourself.

I agree very harsh!!

I’d have said to the mother that I won’t get involved and won’t be speaking to DD as it’s neither of our business. You need to nip that shit in the bud!!

To answer some questions, my dd and acquaintance have essentially grown up together, almost put together by circumstance ... schools, sports, activities , friendship groups. They are in the same year, yes , but their shared history is consistent . They socialise in the same circles . Faux friends maybe . They are not close as in confiding friends but move with ease In The same circles ... until now . Just to say I’ve had a lovely positive chat with my dd, thanks to you all and we both feel much better for it so I am truly happy with the outcome . I can’t thank you enough . I feel like a much more loving and effective mother , not to mention informed .

OP you are way too involved here, your DD is old enough to be sorting these issues out herself without you steaming in, you are overreacting. Girls this age are evil, but it won’t help mums getting involved, my DD2 age 14 would be mortified.

All very dramatic. I saw a very new stubborn side to my dd.She blocked her, refused to return a message about it, absolutely no way would she accept an apology or even discuss the whole issue with this girl

This was exactly the right thing to do. Rather than escalate the drama, she sought ways to minimise it. It's the type of advice that is mentioned here all the time when someone is dealing with a person whose behaviour is not acceptable.

I feel very sorry for DD. She's the victim here, but has been treated as the perpetrator. The punishments were/are way over the top. In fact, I don't think she deserved any sanctions at all. The trouble making mutual 'friends' on the other hand..... If my child had been acting like they have, I'd be ashamed beyond belief. DD, however, seems to have acted very well throughout. It was only when absolutely pushed to the limit that she responded with an unfortunate word.

There is a HUGE difference between calling someone a 'whore' and saying their behaviour is 'whory'.

I don't know about acquaintance's behaviour here, but the so called mutual 'friends' have behaved absolutely disgustingly. They sound like nasty bullies and frankly I'd be advising my DD to seek new/better friends than these ones.