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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this nosey person?

63 replies

Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:22

Not sure whether to post in AIBU or weddings.

Was due to have big family wedding next year, but with certain interfering family members we have decided to go away at the end of the year with only our parents.

I have bought my wedding dress but not told anyone apart from my partner and DD who was with me at the bridal shop.

My DP relative looks after my DD one afternoon a week while I work which I’m very grateful for but she looked at my bloody wedding dress and it’s really annoyed me because my mum hasn’t even seen it. This relative is one of the reasons we aren’t having a big family wedding. The dress was in our spare room which there was no need to be in and was wrapped up in a bag which she opened. DD told me the opened the bag and took it out and said oh what a lovely dress (probably sarcastically)

Am I being a bridezilla... or do you just not look at people’s wedding dresses, especially if they are in a gown bag that you have to open to see!!!

OP posts:
Pinchycrab · 10/02/2019 08:27

It's a bit weird but I've never gotten the fuss made about who 'sees' the dress; it's not the crown jewels!
My dh came with me to choose mine as he has a really good eye.
Just forget about it and focus on the wedding you want.

MargotLovedTom1 · 10/02/2019 08:29

I'd be more worried about her poking around in your stuff on a weekly basis.

Berthatydfil · 10/02/2019 08:30

If she’s looked at that then I would expect she wouldn’t think twice about rooting through any thing else you might consider private like your post bank statements etc.
I’d be very pissed off.
How much do you need this childcare because I’d be seriously rethinking the arrangements and never letting her in my house again.
If not I’d be buying a lock for that dour and also a few lockable boxes for confidential or private post etc.

WhoWants2Know · 10/02/2019 08:31

Going through your stuff is out of order.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 10/02/2019 08:32

She definitely over stepped a boundary in a big way. Honestly since you and this person clearly don't like each other at all you need to find a new childcare arrangement. You shouldn't have someone you don't like or trust watching your child in your home.

Walkacrossthesand · 10/02/2019 08:32

I'm struggling to understand why this relative, who is 'one of the reasons you are not having a big family wedding', gets to spend a whole day every week in your home with only your DD around, so she can nose around to her hearts content. Surely you only give people you like and trust, that privilege - even if you do need childcare. Are you going to change the arrangement now? You won't change her.

CallMeRachel · 10/02/2019 08:33

Yeah that would bother me.

Childcare would be in her house from now on - and I'd tell her why.

Failing that, locks on the bedrooms she has no business going in and nanny cam in the living room?

Funkyslippers · 10/02/2019 08:35

Did your DD maybe tell her where the dress is being stored? Not that that gives her an excuse, but she might not have been nosing around as such, she might have just gone straight to the room if she knew the dress was in there

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:35

It’s not a whole day, only 4 hours one afternoon a week. There is no space for her at my eldest daughters nursery but there will be after the summer so I can’t do anything about childcare arrangements until then. My partner also works from home sometimes so it’s not every week, usually every second week.

Don’t get me wrong she’s great with the kids, but I do struggle to trust her

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:37

I have mentioned about her babysitting from her house but she said no because it’s easier here with toys etc, which is true

No, my DD has zero interest in the dress, even in the bridal shop! So she definitely wouldn’t have brought it up to her

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 10/02/2019 08:40

So for the time being you'll have to accept her snooping round your house unless you start locking doors

mummmy2017 · 10/02/2019 08:40

You could hav so much fun from messing with this person...
Leave some friends n clues for her,

GinandGingerBeer · 10/02/2019 08:42

Sounds like something my Mil would have done. Be careful said relative doesn't coincidentally 'book a holiday' in the the same place as your wedding at the same time OP............ just sayin'

I'd be livid and would be getting DH to have words.

converseandjeans · 10/02/2019 08:46

I think if you ask her into your house every week you have to accept her snooping. I don't think it's ok btw but she is obviously nosey. Just be grateful she helps you out.

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:51

Converseandjeans - as stated above, I’m very grateful.

OP posts:
Pinkbells · 10/02/2019 08:55

Not on! Can she look after your daughter at her own place? Nosey woman!

Nomdejeur · 10/02/2019 08:59

Show your mum the dress. I bet she’d love to see it.

supersop60 · 10/02/2019 09:04

The snooping is not on, wedding dress or not.
Show your mum the dress and sack this relative.

SingaporeSlinky · 10/02/2019 09:05

Did she tell you she saw the dress is was it your DD that told you the relative looked? I think it’s really out of order to look without permission, she’s gone into a room she had no business being in, and opened a bag clearly containing a wedding dress. She should have waited and asked you if you’d mind showing her.

If it was your DD that told you, I’d confront relative and ask why they looked.

SingaporeSlinky · 10/02/2019 09:05

*or was it your DD

cushioncovers · 10/02/2019 09:06

Wow I'd be seriously fucked off if it were me. She's snooping through your private things when you're not there that's completely out of order.

Chewbecca · 10/02/2019 09:06

I really don’t get how you are ok with someone looking after your DD weekly but wouldn’t want her to know about or attend your wedding. A very me, me, me attitude.

But she should not snoop around your house.

outpinked · 10/02/2019 09:08

It doesn’t really sound as though you like this relative very much so no idea why you’re allowing her in your house every week to care for your child.

I would find alternative childcare. She clearly has form for rooting through your personal possessions, I doubt this was the first time.

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 09:12

I’m showing my mum the dress next weekend, we had it arranged for me to do a “fashion show” and she would come round for some drinks and nibbles.

No she never told me she looked at the dress. I saw the gown bag looked different to the way I left it and I asked me DD if she looked at the dress and she said “name” did, she opened it and looked at it. I don’t doubt my DD for 1 minute.

Chewbecca - I am happy with her watching the kids because she is good with them and the kids like her... she does know when the wedding is but like I said we are only inviting parents, so she’s not the only one not invited...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 09:14

Outpinked - I do like this relative, but the does very shitty things sometimes.. and like I said above my children love her so why would I stop them seeing each other?

As also above - I cannot get alternative childcare until after summer unless I leave my job, which I obviously don’t want to do

OP posts:
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