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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with this nosey person?

63 replies

Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:22

Not sure whether to post in AIBU or weddings.

Was due to have big family wedding next year, but with certain interfering family members we have decided to go away at the end of the year with only our parents.

I have bought my wedding dress but not told anyone apart from my partner and DD who was with me at the bridal shop.

My DP relative looks after my DD one afternoon a week while I work which I’m very grateful for but she looked at my bloody wedding dress and it’s really annoyed me because my mum hasn’t even seen it. This relative is one of the reasons we aren’t having a big family wedding. The dress was in our spare room which there was no need to be in and was wrapped up in a bag which she opened. DD told me the opened the bag and took it out and said oh what a lovely dress (probably sarcastically)

Am I being a bridezilla... or do you just not look at people’s wedding dresses, especially if they are in a gown bag that you have to open to see!!!

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 10:47

Bluntness
I’m also confused. For me, you don’t have someone look after your kid and say to them or about them “btw you are one of the reasons why I’m not having a big wedding so I’m going away and you are not invited”.

I can’t get over the fashion show drinks and nibbles either.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 10:54

You asked people if you thought you were being a bridezilla. You don’t get to decide if we reply about just the dress or in general. Because, guess what? We are adults.

But in answer to your question, we don’t know who they even are so hard to know if you are being ott. All I know by the sound of it is you are in other areas.

81Byerley · 10/02/2019 11:00

Tell her you're going out wedding dress buying, because you can't wait any longer, since storing your friend's dress for her has made you so excited about finding your own...

CheddarAndCrackers · 10/02/2019 11:00

Fashion show? To show off your wedding dress?

Don't you do that, on the actual wedding day

lazyarse123 · 10/02/2019 11:11

Yanbu she shouldn't be snooping around your house. I would do as a pp suggested and just drop in the conversation that the dress is a friends and you are excited to buy your own. I don't get why you need to invite her to your wedding because she does childcare occasionally. We have so many threads were weddings are getting out of hand because every Tom,Dick and Harry wants an invite and the advice is always to either elope or go away with parents which is exactly what you're doing. Enjoy your wedding op, and put a lock on your door.

CallMeRachel · 10/02/2019 11:18

Don't worry threads involving free childcare always bring out the dragons @Lalarara

As far as most decent people are concerned, providing care as a relative does not mean they can do no wrong and definitely doesn't automatically grant a free pass to snoop around private rooms in your home.

The logic on here is really baffling, almost as though she has the right to look as you don't pay her ffs.

Here, bung her £4 per hour, that's the going rate for childminders in my area, that'll sort it

Enjoy your wedding.

Butchyrestingface · 10/02/2019 11:21

My DP relative looks after my DD one afternoon a week

Yeah well, you know what to do.

And yes, I've seen your other posts about this on the thread, but the fact remains you dislike this person to the point that you're having a scaled back wedding in part to avoid her, and yet she's good enough to care for your kids.

Playmytune · 10/02/2019 11:33

OP ”at what point have I said I’m using her for childcare?!? Can you please tell me???”

Here ”I cannot get alternative childcare until after summer unless I leave my job, which I obviously don’t want to do”

If you weren’t using her you would get rid, end of problem. However you are definitely using her for childcare, which given the way you talk about her is CFery on your part.
For what it’s worth I really don’t think she should be snooping, however you do come across as a bit of a drama queen, ”we had it arranged for me to do a “fashion show” and she would come round for some drinks and nibbles” Not going to be a long fashion show, with one dress! Why didn’t you take your mother with you when you were choosing the dress, that would have been a “fashion show” with all the dresses you tried on? Then you could have left dress to be picked up nearer to the wedding, meaning no one would have the chance to snoop, plus no chance of any damage either!

Jaxhog · 10/02/2019 11:36

You need to start locking doors when she's there. If she asks why, it will be because she tried to open a door and snoop. Just ask her why she wanted to go in that room. She won't have a good answer.

Chewbecca · 10/02/2019 12:55

I just feel more sorry for her than I do you. She probably thinks you are close and get on well since you trust her with your DC and she helps you out regularly. Yet you actually can't bear her and would rearrange your wedding plans to avoid her attending when I imagine she would very much hope/expect to be part of the celebrations.

headinhands · 10/02/2019 14:56

I can't get past the fashion show with drinks and nibbles.

Oh lord. Do some people think that others actually give a shit?!

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 15:25

headinhands, I look forward to seeing the Wedding dress, even just on FB.

I would certainly want to do what the OP is doing and have a drink amd nibbles and have an evening all about my DDs Wedding.

headinhands · 11/02/2019 14:36

I would certainly want to do what the OP is doing and have a drink amd nibbles and have an evening all about my DDs Wedding.

That's the reception isn't it?

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