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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this nosey person?

63 replies

Lalarara · 10/02/2019 08:22

Not sure whether to post in AIBU or weddings.

Was due to have big family wedding next year, but with certain interfering family members we have decided to go away at the end of the year with only our parents.

I have bought my wedding dress but not told anyone apart from my partner and DD who was with me at the bridal shop.

My DP relative looks after my DD one afternoon a week while I work which I’m very grateful for but she looked at my bloody wedding dress and it’s really annoyed me because my mum hasn’t even seen it. This relative is one of the reasons we aren’t having a big family wedding. The dress was in our spare room which there was no need to be in and was wrapped up in a bag which she opened. DD told me the opened the bag and took it out and said oh what a lovely dress (probably sarcastically)

Am I being a bridezilla... or do you just not look at people’s wedding dresses, especially if they are in a gown bag that you have to open to see!!!

OP posts:
Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 10/02/2019 09:23

YABU you're complaining about her yet you're inviting her to your home to babysit and you are allowing her to control you and your life

Renster · 10/02/2019 09:23

Why, just because the relative looks after the DD at her home, should the OP accept them snooping around her house???? That’s just rude. I’d leave the most embarrassing stuff I could possibly get my hands on for her to find .......

Kintan · 10/02/2019 09:39

I'm confused, this person is good enough to look after your child (for free?), but not good enough to invite to your wedding. Yes the snooping is annoying, but this seems like an odd situation all round!

AWishForWingsThatWork · 10/02/2019 09:44

You need to ask her why she's snooping around your house and opening things that are absolutely none of her business. She's there to look after and play with your child, which you greatly appreciate, but that doesn't include an invitation to pry into your personal things, especially in rooms she has no business in.

Shocking.

Bluntness100 · 10/02/2019 09:49

I think it's a bit shitty to use someone for child care whilst slagging them off behind their backs. It's user behaviour and I think it's way worse than her taking a peek at your wedding dress.

converseandjeans · 10/02/2019 09:49

lalarara it's probably not something that would bother me - I only spent £250 on my dress so I suppose I can't empathize! However as others have said if she upsets you to the point you changed the whole wedding is she the right person to do childcare?

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 09:53

Kintan - she is not the sole reason we are now going away to get married as I have stated above. We can’t invite one person without the other so this is why it’s parents only.

Bluntness100 - at what point have I said I’m using her for childcare?!? Can you please tell me???

Converseandjeans - she’s not the sole reason we have changed it, people seem to be missing that point. She is a factor but not the whole reason. She’s perfect for childcare as she loves my DD and they love her

OP posts:
LilQuim · 10/02/2019 10:06

Oh ffs to the pps telling you you shouldn't have her for childcare if she's not invited to the wedding! Grin

She shouldn't be bloody snooping. If she wasn't family, I bet pps would be reacting differently.

Don't let her make you feel angry or upset, she's clearly got form for being a twat! She's good with your children, so ignore the rest. Or as pp said - leave out some weird stuff for her to "find", just for your own amusement.

Enjoy your day showing your mum your dress - that sounds lovely! Keep your focus on how amazing your wedding is going to be. ThanksWine

headinhands · 10/02/2019 10:07

Yay. Another thread about SIL issues. 🤷‍♀️

BeekyChitch · 10/02/2019 10:18

Surely your DD told her where the dress was though?? I can't see someone just wandering into a spare room for no reason especially when they babysit regularly and know it is a spare room. Even if she had snooped before she would know there was nothing in that room of interest. Just seems very odd to me your DD didn't say anything in this situation. How old is DD?

Godowneasy · 10/02/2019 10:18

I think it's a bit shitty to use someone for child care whilst slagging them off behind their backs. It's user behaviour and I think it's way worse than her taking a peek at your wedding dress.

I absolutely agree with this.

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 10:20

Headinhands - I don’t have a SIL for the record

Beekychich - she wouldn’t have, my daughter really isn’t interested in it. Even when I try it on around her she leaves the room she really couldn’t care! They are both 7 and under, don’t want to give ages

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 10:21

Godowneasy - like I asked bluntness100, please show me what I wrote to insinuate I’m using her??

OP posts:
EyeOfTheTigger · 10/02/2019 10:22

Have some locks fitted to the bedroom doors and make sure personal papers etc are locked in the rooms out of her way. If she tries to nose about again she'll get a very obvious message that she's been rumbled.

GB54 · 10/02/2019 10:22

I’d be really annoyed about someone going into a room they didn’t need to and looking at my things BUT I don’t understand why people try to hide their dress.

gamerchick · 10/02/2019 10:30

It's fine to be irritated and if it bothers you then you could pick a different dress.

Installing internal locks on doors is easy though if you want to stop her snooping.

BlueJava · 10/02/2019 10:32

I'd be worried about her snooping through my stuff. If she would look at a wedding dress she'd look at anything else. If you don't have any options at the moment I'd consider a lock on the door and put private stuff in there.If she asks why then tell her.

If I was looking after a child for someone and I happened to go in a room (e.g. looking for a toy) no way would I open a cover obviously with a wedding dress it nor snoop through other stuff. I don't think YABU and she's done something pretty low.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/02/2019 10:36

Err, she's a fucking nosey bint who had no need to be poking around your spare bedroom, let alone opening closed clothes bags!!

I'm not surprised you struggle to trust her - I'd struggle to have her back in the house, to be honest.

And yes, it might feel a bit "precious" to not want her to have seen your wedding dress, but an awful lot of brides prefer for no one (except maybe their mum or MOH) to have seen the dress prior to the big day, especially not some random relative who isn't even invited.

Still, it shouldn't really affect your actual wedding, so if you've no other issues with her, try to move on. But maybe start locking the spare room door!

StopMakingAFoolOutofMe · 10/02/2019 10:37

I can't get past the fashion show with drinks and nibbles.

Bluntness100 · 10/02/2019 10:38

I don't really understand the question.

You sate you use her for child care once a week, yet you're on here slagging her off, calling her nosey, someone who does shitty things, how you don't trust her, and how she's the reason you need to go away to get married,

How is this not using her? What part needs explaining?

HoraceCope · 10/02/2019 10:40

Did she admit she snooped?

converseandjeans · 10/02/2019 10:41

stopmaking no me neither. It's just a dress. Seems quite OTT.

HoraceCope · 10/02/2019 10:41

she is rude, does she have form for rudeness?
in which case just put up with it

Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 10:45

Last time I’m replying to this ladies as I’m away to repeat the same thing for the third time as some people don’t seem to read the whole thread before commenting.

The question was AIBU to be annoyed, and the majority have agreed yes which I appreciate as it wasn’t just me being a bridezilla.

Thanks for all who have commented x

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalarara · 10/02/2019 10:46

Meant to say the majority agree im not BU x

OP posts:
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