To want a baby?

[countrybutter]

I am 39 this year, and am single

I feel as if I would always regret it if I didn’t have a baby but it’s still a huge decision.

You are more likely to regret not having a baby than having one. If you aren't quite ready then adoption is available whatever your age.

If you had the means i would go for it. I had a baby alone ( tje das left me.) It was fine. Love came later....but you don't have to find love with a man for a family.

Have you considered adoption, sperm donor etc?

The dad even..agggr!

You are more likely to regret not having a baby than having one. If you aren't quite ready then adoption is available whatever your age.

Is this statistically true?
(Genuine question)

Unfortunately I wouldn’t be approved for adoption. I’d have to have a child using donor sperm.

Are you getting out there and meeting people OP?

Can you afford a baby? Because life becomes quite complicated emotionally, practically and financially with a child so having money worries on top of that would make things very hard.

Why do you want a baby though? Can you bring up a child on your own? Having a newborn is hard work with feeding, sleepless nights etc plus there’s juggling childcare when you’re back at work. I know lots of single mums do an amazing job (including my mum!) but I couldn’t have done it (especially the early days when I’d be wanting to tear my hair out with a screaming colicky baby) without my husband

Affording the baby wouldn’t be a problem as such. In all honesty I already know childcare would be the killer (isn’t it always!)

While my child was in full time childcare there is no doubt things would be tight.

However that would be for two years, and I do feel that two years of baked beans is worth it, long term.

My friend did it at 45. She's lucky as she has a career that pays well. She brings her son on business trips to the US. It's tough but it's the best decision she has ever made.

OP have you posted before? This sounds very familiar, but I guess there are a lot of people in this situation.

My personal view is that if you can just about afford it (including the cost of fertility treatment if going down the donor sperm route) and have practical and emotional support available, you should go for it. If it's a choice between raising a child alone or no child at all, I would do it alone.

Its not just having a baby though is it, its having a person. People say newborns are hard work, they are, but wait until they get older. It gets more expensive and there is so much more to fit in. Also if you do want to meet someone further down the line, it will be so much harder with a child, going on dates etc will be nearly impossible. Obviously a lot depends on your work situation (ie do you have any flexibility,), how much money you have behind you and your support network. Sorry to be negative, but you do really need to think about this, its not just having a cute baby to cuddle and love,

I am not really expecting to meet anybody, to be honest.

I am aware that babies grow

In your position, if I was sure I could afford it, I'd be going it alone and getting a sperm doner. You could wait to meet someone, but there is no guarantee that they will stick around and it will all be happy families.

I agree with Octopus37. Wanting a baby / being a parent...
Is there not an age limit with adoption?

Wanting to be a parent, then. It is all much the same meaning to me. However, they start as babies. I would not get through an adoption panel.

Why would you not get through an adoption panel? Have you made enquiries down that route already?

Why are you so sure you wouldn't get through an adoption panel op?

One child is very manageable as long as it doesn’t have special needs / disabilities. In your shoes I’d probably take the risk though.

I know quite a lot about how adoption panels work - it’s not (in my view) to do with my suitability to be a parent, it is just that they do have a set list of criteria.

If you want to be a mother then go for it. Plenty of people do it on their own. It'll be hard but worth it.

They have a set list of a criteria for a reason, they look at the interest of the child, not prospective parents. Deciding to have a child is not just about what that child would bring to you but what you can bring to another human being. Some criteria might be strict and indeed not apply to have a baby of your own, others would, ie. If you'd fail for medical reasons, you do need to consider whether these conditions could seriously impa t on you being a good parent, especially as the only parent.

I’m sure this exact same thread comes up every couple of months.
Single woman approaching 40, no hope of meeting anyone, won’t pass adoption criteria, etc etc.

Go for it. You can spend a lifetime procrastinating. Everyone with a child can probably think of a reason why logically it would be better not to but at the end of the day feeling the need to have a child is not logic (otherwise I suspect the human race would quickly end) good luck

Not sure why people are suggesting you adopt as a first choice rather than have your own with a donor - which is what you’ve said you’d like to do. It’s not exactly the same!
I say go for it, if you’ve thought it through and can afford to. Sounds as though you’ve made your mind up but just seeking reassurance.
Why not make a couple of appts at some fertility clinics and speak to them about the logistics/ price points etc, then you’ll have all the details you need then to be able to move forward. Good luck.