To want a baby?

[countrybutter]

I am 39 this year, and am single

I feel as if I would always regret it if I didn’t have a baby but it’s still a huge decision.

tbh brutally honest this sounds more like there's a gap in my life so i'll fill it with a baby,which obviously is your choice. go through a donor, again,that's your choice. but i do think you are being a bit unrealistic about finding a partner of a similar age with no 'baggage'as you put it.

minty your experiences are eye opening especially when you think of the number of dc born into chaotic and unsuitable households.

valentine I’m sorry - what?

Right, obviously there has been some confusion here but I’m not going to hang around for it to be explained. MN has been peculiar enough this week without these bizarre codes and cryptic references, on top of smug ‘well MY dh’ posts. Sorry to those who have actually been helpful.

Ok, clearly you're not who so thought you were, but I didn't mean any malice. You had an almost identical situation and a very similar posting style, I apologise.

I think everyone above was trying to help and I don't understand why you are going.

I'm sorry if this thread has upset you.

Well, clearly, because this is at least the third reference to it. I’m sure you didn’t mean any malice but it is quite peculiar for me.

I don't understand what you mean by the third reference. I've apologised for incorrectly 'recognising' you.

I'm off. I think you've taken offence far too easily and people were trying to understand and help.

See ya.

I’d be concerned that you don’t have much family support OP... what about friends? Do you have close friends that could help you out with childcare on occasions? I think support is the single biggest thing which shapes how positive people’s experience of having children is.

I wasn’t a single mother but my DH was less than useless when my DC were babies (he’s only marginally better now they’re toddlers) so essentially all the childcare comes down to me and it’s been very tough. The only thing that saved my sanity is my mum. She’s been an enormous help to me and without that I truly think that if I didn’t have her to give me a break my mental health would be appalling.

As rubbish as my DH was with their day to day care, he does work hard and is a good financial provider so I don’t have to worry about that side of things. I fear you might struggle if you have all the financial burden along with all the childcare burden. Of course you’d get through it because you’d have no choice, but it might be a real struggle...

Of course you might be absolutely fine depending on your personality/resilience and if it’s what you really want and you think you could provide a loving home for a child then you should do it. But just think hard about building some kind of support network for yourself first. If you were ill following the birth or at any stage of your child’s life, who would look after them? If you had to take time off work could you survive on benefits/pay your mortgage etc. work out all the practicalities first then go for it.

Best of luck

In your shoes I think I'd do it. Your situation is not 'ideal' but you wouldn't be the only single parent out there, and there are 2-parent families with more kids and a lower household income than yours. You've said you would 'always regret' not doing it, and I actually think that's a very good reason.

This is not a black or white decision, hence the questioning whether it is right or not. The only way you could be sure is if you could see in the future, clearly you can't.

You say you don't have much support, how not much is that. When you have a child, your biggest concern is what would happen to them if something happened to you. This is a bog consideration. However, should you give up the chance of being happy and offer a wonderful life to a child on the basis that something happened to you and your child be taken into care?

There are so many ifs. For one, you might not be able to concieve. On the other hand, you could have a child and then meet a wonderful man a year later who would be delighted to take on your child as theirs. Or you could meet someone tomorrow and have a child together. Everything is possible.

If you are realistic about how difficult it can be, in a good position financially and going in with your eyes open then you should probably go for it.

You should go for it. It's not as difficult as other people make out to be. If you can afford to buy help, you'll be fine.
Granted, there's two of us but I am out of the house 7am-8pm Tue- Thu and I travel for work. We have zero help where we live, we do not know anyone (literally, not a soul).
First weeks will be the hardest and it gets significantly easier at around 12 month mark.