To suggest that your career is dead after pushing a baby out your vagina?

[VirginMama]

I really want to get back on the ladder but feel like the perception is that I shouldn’t be considering management roles while my youngest child is still a toddler. How do you get an old fashioned boss with their own prejudice about working mums to ‘lean in’? How did you reignite your career after taking a career break or working part time? Can working mothers ever compete with younger colleagues who have no responsibilities outside of work and are prepared to work all the hours god gives?
Apologies for the choice of words in the subject, deliberately controversial for traffic.

I read that title as saying 'after pushing a baby out, you have a dead vagina.'

As you were.......

It largely depends.

It never hurt my career, quite the opposite as I’ve New recently promoted and my post maternity year was brilliantly productive but... I was 39 when I had my first child so I was established already but in my case meant a longer and more stressful conception journey and a brush with IVF (we didn’t need it in the end). Secondly, I was in a position to choose the childcare that suited me - my job is rarely 9-5. It means to be in theory but if client wants to talk at 5:30 then you get on that phone and if they want an 8:30 meeting you do that too.

I’ve looked at women in the office who had that startled look if you approached them to talk at 16:45 because of potential childcare issues and I decided that I didn’t want to be one of them - no judgement at all. I just didn’t want to deal with the stress if I didn’t have to.

My mother lives abroad so that was out of question and DP’s parents are elderly so having a toddler for a day was not an option.

The childcare that allowed me that level of flexibility was a nanny. Couldn’t afford a whole nanny sadly (London wages) so went for nanny share. I chose a share in which the woman had a similar job to mine - we spoke and I felt understood. We have coverage 7:45 to 7 with flex either way if needed. DD is rarely in that long but if it’s needed it’s there.

Then DP had an offer of changing his work pattern to night shift and he took it on so he does all the drop offs and pick ups in the week so I can focus on work and if it’s a long day then it’s a long day. DP makes a decent wage but I’m the higher earner so it’s no brainer.

There are sacrifices. The childcare bill is sizeable. I can never go out in the week unless it’s Friday. If there is a work function, the nanny will take DD overnight as DP has to go to work, which can be expensive. And we are not having any more children. We can’t afford it without running ourselves ragged in the process. I made peace with that.

It can be done but the having it all thing comes at a cost. You decide what that cost is.

I’ve got 4DCs and always worked in an industry seen as well rewarded but not family friendly and its not been my experience that having children kills your career. I’ve been promoted while on maternity leave. I’ve seen people working a 4 day week get promoted to HoD level and nobody bats an eyelid at people coming in late / leaving early because they have a school or nursery run to go. They are assumed to be adults, who can decide to log on from home and catch up later if they need to. The key thing is continuing to take the work seriously.