To suggest that your career is dead after pushing a baby out your vagina?

[VirginMama]

I really want to get back on the ladder but feel like the perception is that I shouldn’t be considering management roles while my youngest child is still a toddler. How do you get an old fashioned boss with their own prejudice about working mums to ‘lean in’? How did you reignite your career after taking a career break or working part time? Can working mothers ever compete with younger colleagues who have no responsibilities outside of work and are prepared to work all the hours god gives?
Apologies for the choice of words in the subject, deliberately controversial for traffic.

I wonder who the family freindly employers are

My progression has been good since having my kids - both internal and external promotions.

Key factors for me:

• Shared parental leave both times, so away from work for 6/8 months
• Absolute 50/50 split of parenting responsibilities with DH. No one’s job is more important. Making sure we are both flexible to enable the other one to do urgent things and go to necessary meetings/events.
• Seeking out the right bosses and workplaces - teams with a reputation for treating people well
• Relaxing my boundaries and being available, visible and responsive out of hours - replacing late hours in the office with responding visibly when not in the office, with an exclusion zone between pick up and bedtime except in emergencies.
• Investing time in my own learning and networking even when totally knackered.
• As a manager and leader, champion behaviours and practices that support people’s lives outside work and discourage presenteeism.

DH and I both do a 4.5 day week, with a bit of horse trading around the 0.5. I’m sure I could have a calmer, simpler life but I love what I do and I can give my family a much better life than if I’d stuck at the level I was before my first child.

My career has gone from strength to strength. I joined my company 4 years ago with 2 kids under 9 working 20hrs a week in an entry level role having stepped down in my previous company to concentrate on the kids. My new company encouraged me to step back up. I'm now full time and have had a £10k increase in my salary every year with repeated promotions. I work for IKEA, the Swedish culture does it.

I've been promoted twice since having my first DD 6 years ago. I have two children now. I think this has been down to a few things:
Hanging onto contacts

Going back when my pay barely covered childcare and gritting my teeth in the knowledge it would be worth it eventually

Having a DH who believes himself to be 50% of our parenting partnership and takes time off with kids if necessary, and has recently worked part time to facilitate a promotion for me.

Being lucky that my kids don't seem to get sick very often so i don't have to take time off

Living near two grandmas who are willing to help out - 1 regularly and 1 in an emergency but both helpful

I started a new career with a 1 year old. Granted it was a part time relatively junior position but my youngest is now 8, I’m a senior director and work 4 days a week. My career has never been better and I think I’m still 2-3 jobs away from my peak. I’m 43.

Most women around here who work take less than a year off mat leave, put in nursery and carry on. Especially scientists and doctors.

Mine isn't, but I suspect that is because dp was willing to share the childcare and flexible working requirements, rather than a single person having to take the full hit.

I think staying employed if at all possible is key. Employers really don’t like gaps on your CV and it’s a lot easier to negotiate flexibility from within a job.

My career took a massive nose dive due to going part time.

Still part time due to the cost of childcare so here I am stagnating while everyone else seems to being overtaking me. Suppose that’s the price of children!

Virgin I think mn in general and threads like this in particular attract more successful career women who have made it work. I don't think it is at all representative of the UK as a whole. I think very, very few women have dc then experience the multiple promotions and pay rises whilst maintaining the flexibility to do drop offs/deal with sickness etc (at least without their partners picking up the slack or other help)described on here. I'm not doubting them by the way, just that it's in no way common or typical!

I don’t have kids, but work for a very large and family-friendly company.

My boss has two kids and she’s never had to miss a drop-off, pick-up, Christmas concert, library supervision etc. that she’s been scheduled for. If she has to leave early to collect a sick child, she’ll login from home when she can and the rest of us will cover what we need to*

We have flexible working, parental leave isn’t granted in a way to be prohibitive, we pay full salary for maternity (and paternity!) leave.

*To be fair, we all enjoy flexibility regardless of whether we have children or not. I’ve been able to work from home when my dog was sick and I needed to bring her to the vet and then monitor her, or when my mother was recovering from surgery and I wanted to be with her, or when the washing machine repair man was calling. We all pick up the slack for each other when needed, because we all benefit from flexibility- nobody’s career is impacted (positively or negatively) by their family circumstance.

I think it depends on: your profession, your age and seniority at the time of having a child and how long you take off.

I was 36 when I had DD, director level and on senior management board. I took 5 months off. I've faced no issues with my career since going back to work, if anything it has got better.

I started my career after having my children.

I picked up my career where I left off after 6 years as a SAHM. Never occurred to me that it might not be possible and it never seemed to occur to anyone I worked for either. The same's true of almost all the mums I know, although most went back far sooner than I did, to be fair.

I think you can keep a good career and continue to get promotions after having children. But most importantly you need to apply for the roles irrespective of what the boss says. Otherwise you'll watch a stream of less able people getting the role and quietly fuming about it.

Simply ensure you understand and can evidence how you can make it work using good child care, dh's flexible ability to pick up sick children etc.

It's hard, but it's possible

I think I am probably about 6 years behind where i would have been (18m mat leave, 3 years treading water and 5 years part time) Have been fulltime since 2015 and now on 6 figures. I am just 43, tbh I will be working for another 24 years. It's a small price for having children young and enjoying their early years.

I applied for a couple of more senior jobs (internally) in my 5 years of treading water. I was asked about how I would manage travel when other candidates were not.

Already in a management role and have just been invited to interview for a promotion, I'm on mat leave with DS1, it friends who you work for I guess

Your manager's comment was massively out of order, that's discrimination and illegal. Can you ask HR about it? If women don't challenge this bullshit, men will continue to get away with it.

Nope I’ve been promoted twice since having a child.

Single parent with v little hands on support from family or other parent.

Started a new (though related) career when DS was 9 months old. Been promoted twice in two years, secured a 50% pay rise and managed to negotiate a flexible working contract in a previously very inflexible organisation.

I have to cover all of the sickness, and theres been a lot of it, sadly.

I make sure I am fucking shit hot at my job, I work through the night if I have to to make up hours due to absence for childcare etc, and I’ve made myself indispensable to my Director.

It’s a slog. Im in debt because my salary and tax credits still doesn’t cover childcare plus all the costs of living. I worry DS is missing out sometimes- I’m tired at weekends etc- but he is happy, secure, bright and well adjusted. He won’t remember these years, and I hope to be in a position by the time he’s 5 or 6, that the workload is more manageable, for considerably more money. Which I do feel is achievable- and these years of money being tight, and being shattered, are the sacrifice I’m making to give him a better childhood from school age on.

Having two children has had no negative impact for me - I have been promoted twice and my company ensures that there as as many women and men at the top. All out team mates get paid the same for their roles, male or female, we have virtually no gender pay gap. If anything - women are treated better than men I think!

Abso-fucking-lutley not! I have one DD and my career is better than it has ever been! Been given a pay rise, awards and now doing an MBA part time paid for by work.

It didn't kill mine, however I went back full time and had a support network behind me so I didn't have to scurry off for pick ups or be off when DC was ill. I was totally committed and no way would you have known I had small DC.

I work 0.6FTE, 8-2, Tues-Fri. Widowed young, my 7 and 9 year olds do breakfast club. They tend never to be off sick which helps, but I could work from home now and again if I had to. My full time equivalent salary is £50k so I’m bringing home £30k which is enough.

I’m really tired right now and I’ve not really had time to grieve yet. But things are stable for the kids, they get lots of time with me, and I get lots done at work too.