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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Football before due date

56 replies

legalseagull · 08/02/2019 13:49

AIBU

DH really wants to go watch a big football game about two hours away, which will inevitably involve hours either side of the game in the pub with friends drinking.

I am due our second baby three weeks later. We have 1 DC aged 1, who arrived 2 weeks early.

I know the likelihood of me going in to labour is slim but I don't want him to go, just in case. What if I went in to labour? I'd be home alone with our toddler as we have no family nearby.

I'm nervous about the birth (previously traumatic) so maybe IABU??

Should I 'let' him go?

OP posts:
PremierNaps · 08/02/2019 13:59

Hmm Since when did being someone's DW entitle them to "let" their husbands go any where. You can voice your concerns OP, say that you prefer him to stay home due to....give your reasons. However, whether he chooses to be kind and stay or go to the game is up to him.

Readytogogogo · 08/02/2019 14:00

YANBU, especially as your first baby came early. But really, your DH should know that without having to be told.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2019 14:03

Well how do you intend to stop him?

If you mean if you say you don't want him to he won't, then fine. Perfectly reasonable to tell him you're worried about him being hours away.

Will he be driving or is it a coach job? What would happen if he needed to get back?

Or do you mean you would tell him he isn't allowed to go, and shoit/scream /cry if he disagreed, in which case yabu

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:03

@PremierNaps that's why I put 'let' in inverted commas. I'm not actually going to tie him to the sofa. I'm asking whether I should argue my point or 'let' him do what he wants without a fight

OP posts:
Houseonahill · 08/02/2019 14:03

Could he go but not drink just in case? Also if it makes you feel better my brother was 3 weeks early do my mum was convinced I'd be early and I was 2 weeks late so this baby might not come early

JacquesHammer · 08/02/2019 14:04

Compromise is reasonable in these situations.

He goes to the game but doesn’t go out drinking afterwards.

Birdsgottafly · 08/02/2019 14:05

If it was two weeks before your due date, then he should reconsider.

But it's three weeks.

Are you giving birth in the hospital and do you have childcare sorted out?

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:06

@SleepingStandingUp he'd be getting trains. Not planning to shout and scream of course. But I would want to argue my point and tell him how I feel. The alternative is to just pretend I'm fine with it

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2019 14:08

Well if you tell him you aren't fine with it and you're worried about going in to pre term labour, what do you think he'd say? Because if he tells you tough, football matters more, you have bigger issues frankly

Oblomov19 · 08/02/2019 14:08

Shout and scream? Surely you can talk about this calmly and reach a compromise?

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:08

@Birdsgottafly hospital yes. Childcare is sorted with MIL but she's three hours away so I'd have to wait until she could get to me

OP posts:
Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:09

@Oblomov19 that's what I said. Someone else suggested I would shout and scream, which of course I wouldn't

OP posts:
ZanyMobster · 08/02/2019 14:09

Surely you can just talk to him, express your concerns and discuss how he would get back quickly if you did go into labour. No need for arguing your point really.

ZanyMobster · 08/02/2019 14:11

My DH is a huge football fan so if there was a chance he could go to a big match I would want him to. But then he would be happy to drive to ensure he could get back or make other arrangements to ensure that wasn't an issue.

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:13

The fastest he would be able to get home is two hours. Maybe IABU but I'm just scared of being alone and trying to manage a toddler. When I went in to labour last time contractions came thick and fast. It took 20 hours before having an emergency CS but the pain was instant when my waters broke and every four minutes.

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 08/02/2019 14:14

It wouldn't really bother me.

If I was really concerned that I could be 3 weeks early, I would have someone on standby (parents/in laws) for child care of DC1 and a lift to the hospital.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2019 14:15

So do you think if you said "DH I really would prefer you weren't so far away and so hard to get home to me. I'm scared of going into preterm labour and being alone with 1X month old toddler" he'd say tough?

Purplelion · 08/02/2019 14:15

To be honest I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think to go to the game but not to drink would be a good compromise.
I am pregnant and my OH regularly works 2/3 hours away so if he was that far away when I went into labour I would have to figure it out!
If he is 2 hours away and MIL is 3 hours away you will be waiting for childcare regardless of who gets there first!

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:16

@SleepingStandingUp no. I think he would stay but sulk about it and then I would feel guilty

OP posts:
explodingkitten · 08/02/2019 14:21

Ask some friends over to watch the footie at home?

SweetheartNeckline · 08/02/2019 14:25

I'd be happy for DH to be a couple of hours' travel time away but the drinking would be a no. Tbh most men I know stop drinking when their partner is full term (37 weeks). I'm 36.5 weeks and no DC born before 40 weeks, but nevertheless my DH will be having his last night out drinking this weekend.

I would also want him to have enough cash for the quickest route home (£150 or so, so he could literally jump in a taxi if needed). He'd also have to be fine not to go if I changed my mind on the morning, even if it was a false alarm.

We also have my parents and many many friends within 5 minutes so I am well supported by others and know I'd not be stuck for childcare or a birth partner should things kick off.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2019 14:26

So either be honest with him, accept he'll sulk, suggest he goes off to the pub / has free reign over the telly

Or don't tell him but ask Mum or a mate to come stay for the weekend. Tell DH it's just company in case anything happens

Original poster
legalseagull · 08/02/2019 14:31

Thanks @SleepingStandingUp and @SweetheartNeckline that's helpful advice

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 08/02/2019 14:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

diddl · 08/02/2019 14:49

If he would get to you before MIL, then surely the issue would be the drinking?

What if you need to go to hospital before either of them could get to you though?

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