Football before due date

[legalseagull]

AIBU

DH really wants to go watch a big football game about two hours away, which will inevitably involve hours either side of the game in the pub with friends drinking.

I am due our second baby three weeks later. We have 1 DC aged 1, who arrived 2 weeks early.

I know the likelihood of me going in to labour is slim but I don't want him to go, just in case. What if I went in to labour? I'd be home alone with our toddler as we have no family nearby.

I'm nervous about the birth (previously traumatic) so maybe IABU??

Should I 'let' him go?

Two hours away three weeks from due date: not bothered.

Spending the day getting hammered when he has a heavily pregnant wife and toddler: very much bothered.

Sulking at the prospect of missing out on a piss up: 😡

Assuming he's going at a weekend do you have friend nearby who could drive you and take care of your toddler until your MIL arrived in the very remote chance it happened 3 weeks early in those few hours he was away?

"Sure he can get back in time if you go into labour".

The issue is, he might not and what's the plan if the OP is struggling with the pain and toddler.

OP, these are what you've got to decide between you.

Is it two hours total time, or is that just the actual travelling time?

My sister came on my hen do three weeks before her DD 2 hours away from home - her husband was having kittens! Not helped by the emergency baby bag I made for her...

I agree the compromise is the best way forward - if you can have a friend to help, and if he can stay on the right side of sober, three weeks before should be fine.

My DH has just got back from a 2 week jolly on the other side of the world and I’m due in 2 weeks. Sure he can get back in time if you go into labour! hmm

Lovely for you. If DH had booked to go on holiday for two weeks when I was 36 weeks he'd have had to cancel it and potentially lost all the money.

If DH had played it even safer and gone on holiday for two weeks when I was 34 weeks he'd have missed the emergency C section I had at 35 weeks and had timings gone the way they expected once he was born, depending on how quickly he could get back he might have missed ever meeting DS at all.

Now I'm not suggesting OP won't go to 41 weeks and have a healthy baby but the point is you never know. She knows that because she's already had one emergency C sec.
This is a football mat h, nothing worth missing his child's birth for or actually just being near enough to reassure his partner.

Two hours is two hours plus how often. He checks his phone plus actually getting out and to the station and a wait for the train etc. It could easily be far longer

I wouldn’t be happy. I’m at a similar stage and also came early for my first. Although in theory an early first baby doesn’t mean the others will be, I know a lot of Drs and they’re all convinced I’ll be 2-3 weeks early again. You have to make plans for what you would do if you did go into labour while he was away.

My husband has to travel 2-3 hours away for a work conference at a similar stage but he called and checked first before booking (and would have tried to get out of it if I was anxious), will not be drinking, will have his phone on him at all times and is making sure I have contact details of the hotel and his colleagues so if he isn’t answering, I can get hold of someone.

He is probably fine to go to the match (although it would be nice if he chose not to) but you need reassurance and a big part of that would be him not drinking and helping to make sure you have some help if needed.

I agree with what Rhymes said, (and others).

3 weeks before my due date, I wouldn't be too bothered about my dh being somewhere 2 hours away. After all, many people are with work. It's just life.

However if I were 37 weeks pregnant, I would expect my dh to be putting in some shifts looking after our 1 yr old, not going out drinking for hours.

When I was 37 and 38 weeks pregnant my DH was on holiday in Turkey

I can understand why you’re anxious based on you’re last labour so can a middle ground be found? I.e he goes in the car and doesn’t drink so he can back to you in an emergency?

QueenofmyPrinces Were you happy with that? I can’t say that I know anyone that would have been relaxed about a holiday at 38 weeks.

I'm sorry but I don't get partners swanning off for a hiday, without their pregnant partner, so close to labour they're at risk or missing it but also when a lot of women want a bit of extra help practically

I would be ok with it, I'd maybe recommended a non/minimal drinking sesh this time?
Or even drive there so he can be back quicker

If my dh were on a holiday while I was 38 weeks pregnant, even without having a toddler already, I’d be questioning my relationship. I agree with the op I’d be a bit concerned as baby 1 came early (my two both came quite late, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if a third came late too). I would say I’m concerned about it and I would expect no drinking and phone on. I’d say your decision but... !

@Nomorepies I don't need to calm down thanks. Patronising. Just because you're not anxious about something doesn't mean that no one else can be. How wonderful that he got a holiday, you must be really 'cool'

I've told him that I don't want him to miss out, but I don't want him drinking. I've asked him to drive so he's no reliant on trains and won't be drinking. We're going to see if anyone local can be on standby to look after DD too.

Great plan Legal

QueenofmyPrinces Were you happy with that? I can’t say that I know anyone that would have been relaxed about a holiday at 38 weeks.

I was absolutely fine with it but only because he’d taken our 3 year old with him. It was our family holiday that we had booked before I fell pregnant and although I still couldn’t go I wanted DH and DS still to go. Our son was so looking forward to it and it was going to be the last big thing for ‘just him’ before baby number 2 came along and so I really didn’t want him to miss out.

There’s no way my DH would have just gone off on a random holiday whilst I was that pregnant and especially if it meant leaving me home alone with our 3 year old.

I would honestly be fine with it, as long as:

1. His phone was on vibrate or whatever so he definitely picked up an emergency call if there was one!
2. He drove himself there so he can drive himself home again, should I go into labour.
3. he brought a takeaway for me on way home!!

A little context does make a difference Queen
Was he not worried about missing the birth though?

Was he not worried about missing the birth though?

Not really. I was booked in for a planned section and it didn’t really occur to either of us that I may go into labour naturally before that date came round. It was a bit silly of us really to not even consider that, but we didn’t.

See DH will be bound to be from 34 weeks (if I ever get pregnant!!) but I had spontaneous labour at 35 weeks and an emergency C sec the day after so I'm allowed 😂 😂

I think your compromise sounds good OP.

Is he planning on coming home after the match? I think it will be fine.

Can you ask your mum or someone to stay with you that evening and make a night of it, takeaway and a movie etc?

I think the biggest problem with this is that you are heavily pregnant and will be left to look after a toddler alone.

Tell him how you feel and work out a plan between you.

@RoastOx if it was up to him there would be after game beers involved I'm sure. It would become an all day session. He really doesn't have big days out very often, it's just bad timing and location. I think he needs to stay sober if he goes.

@Nomorepies thank you x

You're both about to be very tired and very occupied. Why wouldn't you let him go?

I very much understand that you are nervous and with 3 weeks that's a pretty near deadline. Could come anytime soon! How exciting!

However, perhaps you can work something out between you. Could he limit his drink so he can come when needed? Maybe he could drive everyone there and be the designated driver?
Definitely needs to keep his phone charged and on AT ALL times.

That kind of thing?

You're both in this together. Allow each other a bit of freedom, time to enjoy something before it gets crazy. Hopefully you can find a way. But stopping each other from doing things will only create resentment, I think.