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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BF ex GF went as his plus one to a wedding.

85 replies

ToKnowAnything · 08/02/2019 01:26

I've just found out and i'm in shock.

By this point we had been seeing each other for around 3 months and he had been finished with his GF two months before we started seeing each other. This was the wedding of his cousin as he doesn't even see her on a yearly bases.

Maybe she did get an invite before the wedding but surely she shouldn't of attended?

I've only found out about this 8 months after the wedding as I was late night FB stalking someone completely irrelevant. From the FB photos she's in the family photos + sitting next to him at dinner.

OP posts:

Juells · 08/02/2019 07:21

Doesn't sound like it's worth hanging in there.

But I just find it weird that she went, and that she thought her invite still stood. - how do you know the invite wasn't for her, and he was her plus one? The ex-GF may have been close friends with the bride or groom.

londonrach · 08/02/2019 07:33

Op..judging from your update id say this isnt a relationship thats going to go anywhere. You know deep down what you need to do.

MerdedeBrexit · 08/02/2019 07:36

Juells - more likely he would be invited to his own cousin's wedding with ex as a plus one, though.

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 07:51

how long were they together?
wedding invites often go out months in advance

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2019 07:57

"Maybe they are friends? I’m still friends with my ex. I can imagine going as his +1 to a wedding."

An ex invited me to a wedding as his plus one when we were already finished. I declined as I thought it would be quite embarrassing for everyone to think we were together. Obviously, he wouldn't have done this if he'd had a new girlfriend and I would have been even less likely to accept in that situation, even if he had.

You're presumably talking about exes who are both still single, which is completely different.

ShatnersWig · 08/02/2019 07:59

After 3 months I would expect you to be his +1

I wouldn't. And on most MN threads about inviting couples, most say they wouldn't invite someone's new partner, especially if they haven't met them themselves. These days, I hardly ever hear of generic "plus ones" at weddings - they cost too much!

I think there are way too many possibilities and questions to be asked and answered. How long had they been a couple? Had the invite (obviously received while they were still together) been to "Boyfriend + guest" or "Boyfriend and Name"? being the two most immediately relevant.

FiveRedBricks · 08/02/2019 08:01

More likely she had her own invite after they split and she was already next to him on the seating plan? That doesn't make.her his plus one.

anniehm · 08/02/2019 08:11

Perhaps she was a friend of theirs anyway, and of course seating would have been sorted before they split

deydododatdodontdeydo · 08/02/2019 08:12

She would have received a wedding invitation along with him when they went out, before they split.
After they split it would be her choice whether to go or not, she wouldn't be his +1.
He could probably have told her he didn't want her to come, but it would be her right to go as she received an invitation, and he couldn't stop her.
If she was friends with his family, she probably wanted to go.
But, you seem to have other problems anyway.

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 08:14

Perhaps the dates of the photos you stalked at not correct.

QueenieInFrance · 08/02/2019 08:14

He hasn’t got over her yet.
You are a rebound relationship :(

PositiveVibez · 08/02/2019 08:16

We've been having relationship problems since the beginning

That's shit. You haven't even been with him for a year.

So no honeymoon phase whatsoever.

Dump and move on. This has got disaster written all over it.

DoNotWorry · 08/02/2019 08:19

Maybe he just wanted to go with someone who knows the difference between "shouldn't of" and "shouldn't have"?
Yes! I could start a whole new thread on how much that particular error irritates me.

Springwalk · 08/02/2019 08:24

I also would finish it. It is too early for relationship issues, and there are now issues of trust. He has not been honest with you. It is not worth wasting your life with someone that has such a lack of judgement that he allowed the wedding situation to happen, and then didn’t tell you.

Trust, respect and honesty are the cornerstones of all good relationships.

Floofboopsnootandbork · 08/02/2019 08:33

Surely if she was invited in her own right they bride would have moved her onto a different table

Her moving onto another table would mean someone from that table moving to the table she came from and not many people go to weddings completely alone so you’d end up having to move a couple of people and in the end you’re basically re-doing your seating plan. A few months before the wedding I wouldn’t be doing that.

gamerchick · 08/02/2019 08:34

We've been having relationship problems since the beginning as I never felt part of his life and this is the nail on the coffin that it's not all in my head

This isn't really a promising thing. You should have ended this ages ago OP.

As for the ex, if they ended things on a decent note and the invite was for the both of them then why shouldn't they go together. A new girlfriend of 3 month couldn't be expected to be invited surely?

HoraceCope · 08/02/2019 08:35

The fact that you stalked him, if you did, and you wont ask him, speaks volumes

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2019 08:43

"The fact that you stalked him"

Looking at photos of someone on the internet is not stalking.

Yulebealrite · 08/02/2019 08:48

Talk to him? You know- communicate!

DerelictWreck · 08/02/2019 08:51

OP you sound very, very unreasonable.

You've seen a photo of the two of them together at a wedding. From that you've assumed:

she was his plus one
he's kept that a seceret from you
the bride should have moved the seating around
the exgf should have realised she shouldn't attend (no idea why you think that)

LakieLady · 08/02/2019 08:52

I've been to a wedding with an ex, we were both friends with the couple, and we were still friends, so didn't see anything wrong with it. I did tell my new BF though, and he was cool with it.

I think the fact that he didn't mention it is a bigger concern, and it sounds like your relationship is in a bad way, tbh.

If I was in your shoes, I'd bin him and move on.

outpinked · 08/02/2019 08:52

If they were together a fairly long time she may have been close to his family. Also wedding invitations generally go out months in advance so in all likelihood she was invited way before they broke up. Doesn’t mean she had to go though obviously and I’d imagine it would be awkward actually. That is unless they’re still together and you’re unknowingly his side piece?

Either way I would be ending things.

Mookatron · 08/02/2019 08:54

You know deep down what you think and this has just confirmed it to you. There are lots of explanations that might make the situation OK but you've decided not to ask... Because you know what your instinct is telling you to do. Listen to it.

EverybodyLovesRaymond · 08/02/2019 09:04

Ironic though, that MidniteScribbler can't spell her own first name correctly whilst criticising the OP's grammar.

Not so clever now.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 08/02/2019 09:18

Could it be that she's friends with them, but they couldn't afford to invite another two people (his +1 and her +1)?

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