To be annoyed with school for harassing me about the attendance?

[Avigeth]

It's more of a rant than anything else but I still need some insights on this.
DS is 10 and in year 6. He's been enrolled there since year 4 . He does not miss school a lot. In fact, he brought home 4 awards for 100% attendance so far - the last one was for the previous term. In 2 years he missed less than 12 days altogether and that includes this week.
There is a nasty strain of flu making rounds in the area and, despite it not being quite life threatening, it still made him feel really unwell.
I am not the one to leave my kid at home just because he sneezed twice in a row, just the opposite - I did send him to school good few times with just a cold because a) I knew that it wasn't serious and b) - he is actually quite proud of his attendance and enjoys extra treats that come with that i.e. ice-cream or bouncy castle time on Fridays.

Now he's been off since Monday. Each morning I dutifully called the school explaining he's ill and will be staying at home. That was followed by a call from the "attendance officer" asking if he's coming to school and why not. On Monday I patiently explained that his cough is really bad and it makes him chuck every now and then. But then yesterday and today she started demanding a doctor's note. I told her that I didn't take him to the doctors because it's just flu . It's been only 3 days and it's clearly viral, not bacterial, so since antibiotics are not needed I just treat him with OTC meds, just as my GP advised me in the past. DS is much better now and I was planning to send him to school tomorrow as normal, but after the rude phone call and a text I got this morning I really feel like keeping him in until the end of the week ( I most likely won't but I really, really want to).

AIBU to be really annoyed to be a subject of Spanish Inquisition each time I need to inform them about his absence - especially that he missed so very few days compared to other kids in his year? And with the fact that I've been badgered for the GP note 3 days straight even though the Department of Education clearly states that:

Schools should only normally ask parents to provide evidence if they suspect the illness is not genuine and the parent is failing in their legal duty to ensure their child's attendance at school.

Schools are advised not to request medical evidence unnecessarily. Medical evidence should not necessarily be a doctor’s note if the illness was not treated by a doctor at the time. Parents can provide prescriptions, a doctor or hospital appointment card as proof of illness.

I really feel like I'm being called a liar...
I do realise that the school's budget depends mainly on pupils' attendance but in this case it seems to me that they care more about the money than kids' health. I always get annoyed when DS brings plague home just because some parents get bullied into sending their kids to school when they're still clearly contagious...

Your problem is with the system. Write a strongly worded letter, they then have to respond, keep badgering them as they are doing to you. Either that or ignore/accept the attendance police and get more and more resentful. My son finishes school this year, he’s hated it in its entirety and has had a lot of time off, the school even worked out a reduced week for him (which didn’t really change much). Schools follow rules imposed upon them and have to tick boxes, it’s all a bit impersonal and ridiculous really.

We have had to send in letters for everything and constantly have to hetbup tk date general ones confirming life long conditions and also frequent viral illnesses and infections
We even have to take in medication such as antibiotics as proof
It’s absolutely ridiculous

Thanks for explaining about the ABs, sounds very tough.

Did your DS not have the flu vaccine?

My DS is 15, has ASD, anxiety & depression. He was of school on & off over 4 weeks at the beginning of the school year, his dad was seriously ill in hospital & he was having multiple panic attacks each day, he was tearful & not sleeping, when he is anxious, he has nosebleeds that are so bad they have warranted visits to A & E, due to his autism he has bowel problems including impaction & diarrhoea, he has had to be admitted to hospital when he is suffering from impaction that can't be moved with normal medication. We had the attendance officer & head of year knocking on the door multiple times over the 4 weeks, despite me ringing in every day he was too ill to go to school. One of the days I had to go shopping as we hadn't any food in, I left DS at home with instructions not to open the door to anyone, whilst I was out I got a phone call from the attendance officer saying they were outside my home & why wasn't I at home? I returned home straight away to be met by the attendance officer & head of year bombarding me with questions as to why DS wasn't at school. I told them DS had been ill all night, had been sick & was having to take his medication as his bowel was impacted & needed to be near a toilet. I was told that he should still be at school & they wanted to see him to prove he was at home. I called DS to the door, he was pale, sweating & in pjs, they threatened him about being off school despite me showing them the prescription medication he was on. I know that schools have to keep attendance up but harassing pupils who have extra needs when they can't cater for their illnesses in school is very wrong.

In a previous life I worked on school attendance but at the sharp end (30 or 40% attendance with no illness/other factors). That was years ago and the process started with calls and letters and ultimately led to prosecution. The contact was evidence put to magistrates of the help offered and opportunities for the parent to raise issues like bullying. However if schools don’t look at background, just stats then loads of parents get the letters.

At schools they have this NHS advice sheet whether the child needs to stay at home or can go to school. However, they're not always switching their brains on when it comes to seeing a bigger picture. They hear a cough and they think cough is nothing but cough can be very different.
As a mum you know how your child feels.

I've had exactly the same this week, DS has been vomiting since Sunday. School have demanded proof that I have seen a Dr. He didn't need a Dr, he's got a bug. I have rang Dr and explained situation and they've seen him - a total waste of everyone's time when the NHS is pleading with people to do exactly the opposite of this.

Oh I could have written this post! My DS has had 9 days off since sept. Mostly Asthma related and one D&V episode where I kept him off for 3 days to cover the 48 hour period.
I got a nasty letter telling us we had a final chance to see the school and discuss moving forward . I rang the school and gave them hell! He's not suffering in grades, we both work full time so don't keep any of our children off unnecessarily so maybe they should ensure their staff are equipped to deal with asthma and not telling children off for using an inhaler in lessons before sending out nasty letters!

Also, flu vaccine can make some people feel worse. I know a few people who have stopped having flu vaccination because they think it's crap.

Oh and to add the school expects 97% attendance and has just been handed it arse by offsted

Nat6999 - where you went wrong was engaging. Just shut the foot in their faces next time.

I hate attendance awards. I really, really REALLY bloody hate the things and I wish schools would stop giving them out.

We had similar where an automatically generated letter came home at the end of the term when DS1 has been off for five days with chicken pox. Apparently his attendance percentage was cause for concern. A big bunch of other parents would've had the same thing because CP had gone round like wildfire. I wasn't best pleased, but it wasn't entirely the school at fault at the time, it was a local authority requirement. This academic year, the new head has introduced attendance awards and I feel rage anytime anyone mentions them.

I know schools have to monitor attendance, but I really think the pressure from higher up is making too many of them target everyone without looking at individual cases. They are not making any difference to the families who need to pull their finger out and get their kids in to school, and instead end up targeting the ones whose children are genuinely off for reasons beyond their control.

@MitziK - majority of the days he's missed (9)happened in the first term of Y4 (we've just moved from another city and I presume it was due to his immune system getting used to new germs etc.) Once he was over it - his attendance was perfect. He did not miss a single day in Y5. Y6 looked also great until now ofc (3 days since Monday). I'm not sure if your numbers apply in this situation.

I've kids at different schools - at one, if they cough too hard they send them home. At the other the sent a list of acceptable illnesses they could be sent to school with, ew. The first is a caring approach towards their pupils, the second cares about their attendance percentages at the expense of the kids.

We had a frankly dim headteacher who sent out (very) rude attendance letters at the end of September one year. Of course, she should have realised - what with being in charge of my child's maths education - that if you calculate attendance when the denominator is low - even a day or two's absence will drop an attendance percentage below the dreaded threshold. And many children do get sick in September when schools return and they all exchange their bugs. Of course she would also have required a basic understanding science to have realised that. I stopped caring about the school's opinion at that point (but did worry more about educational standards).

Our secondary school is much better - they care about attendance but also about the students (and they can do basic maths). I think they may also be aware of the pressure on GPs and that GPS have so many more important things to do with their time than assess poorly children with non-threatening, short-lived viral infections.

The 48 hour rule only applies to germs, not if your child has eaten too much or vomits because of smells etc!

DD has genuine period problems, down to 77% attendance. I asked for homework as she’s 15 and this is really going to affect the rest of her life. Asked to produce letters from drs and hospital appts. Done that, but now they want a letter from the Gynae Consultant to say she can’t travel (vomits when moving, walking, shuffles about which is a massive improvement). We can’t believe the hoops we have to go through and the aggressive attitude of questioning. She vomits and passes out in school regularly (I send her in when she’s got any colds coughs and it happens), they send her home. Will it stop after the Consultants confirmation?

I argued with school that it was ridiculous to require evidence - a very heavy cold, vomiting, high temperature, do not need GP visits, but would be too ill for school. So they accept OTC reciepts for medicines, normally most of us have cough medicine or calpol from last time.
This approach doesn't tackle genuinely bad attendance or lateness.

Also, why does their demands for evidence trump my children's RIGHT TO MEDICAL PRIVACY.
I don't need to give the specifics, unless it's communicable/catching illness that has wider implications.

Idiots. Who cannot apply common sense.

Just refuse to play along with tbeir nonsense @OP

@NailClub
I actually think that's a huge invasion of her privacy. Surely they just need to know she's too ill to attend and confirmation of this can be done without specific personal details.

This gives me rage

I'd imagine they are probably close to the attendance monitoring limit which triggers a negative from ofsted and local authority. I wouldn't imagine it's "personal".

I have a relative who has had more time off than that this year.
Luckily his school understand about his disability.
Years ago I had to go to a meeting about one of mine missing a lot of school. When I turned up they didn't even know how to work the entry system in to let parents in
My doctor's surgery has a sign up, they do not issue sick notes for school children.

I'm going through similar too ATM. School in special measures panicking. It's irritating in the extreme

My son isn't at school yet, but I can't stand it when a doctor's letter is demanded to justify absence. Who goes to the doctor every time they are sick? Who takes their children to the doctor every time they vomit? There is no point making an appointment for the vast majority of minor/self-limiting conditions.

@Hiphopopotamous

I'm a GP and we hate this crap.
I have an arsey letter I send to the school asking what info they require (that is against the DoE guidelines anyway) in a report and the fee for a private report upfront since this is not NHS work. Weirdly no one has ever taken me up on it.

That's a great way to deal with these kinds of requests. Do your colleagues, GP friends, etc. do the same?

"He didn't need a Dr, he's got a bug. I have rang Dr and explained situation and they've seen him - a total waste of everyone's time when the NHS is pleading with people to do exactly the opposite of this", and probably infected loads of other people at the same time.

awishes - The 48 hour rule only applies to germs, not if your child has eaten too much or vomits because of smells etc!

Trouble is it's not always obvious at the time. My DD is a bit gaggy. She'll gag at things she doesn't like. She'll heave at funny smells.

When she threw her breakfast up on Thursday morning before school it was 2 days after we'd had a 'to all parents' email from the school to say 48 hours off please after any vomiting. What can you do? She was right as rain by Thursday afternoon but they didn't want her back to school till monday.

Then on Tuesday i get the bloody attendance letter in the book bag!

PP above was right. This sort of thing targets the wrong families. The one's who's kids are being failed just screw these letters up and chuck them in the bin. Or don't read them at all. The rest of us hand-wring over them and fret about it.

Can i point out that DD is in reception. She's 4 years old. Not even legally obliged to be at school yet!