AIBU to think that people are becoming too sensitive

[Whyisareallthenamestaken]

Just that really.
I feel like people have become so sensitive that we are expected to constantly watch what we say and even how we say/phrase it.

I don’t like telling lies and would rather give my candid opinion, but I’m always stuck between being truthful and risking hurting people’s feelings, or lying and telling them what I think they want to hear.

I would rather you tell me the truth just as it is without sugar coating it, but no one seems to do that anymore these days.

Seems like it’s now considered RUDE to be truthful.

I’ve got some scenarios to use as example but they will be in the comments..

I like “professionally unoffended” personally.

Examples?

It’s perfectly easy to be honest without being rude. There’s really no need for it.

Seems like it’s now considered RUDE to be truthful.

The increase in narcissism is to blame, fragile egos. People who aren't narcissistic feeling inadequate with imposter syndrome.

Advertising encourages smug consumers. Influencers on social media, cosmetic surgery normalised, selfie obsession encouraged.

Fake news.

Poor and limited family interaction.

State and society gaslighting, compelled speech, expected to go against beliefs and faith.

No wonder we have a mental health crisis.

People who talk about snowflakes or over sensitivity or political correctness gone mad are people who are pissed off they can’t say racist, sexist, homophobic, ageist or disablist things any more.

That is the classic virtue signalling response to this.

Racism for example has been totally reclassified for such virtue signalling. Racism in its actual true definition is judging someone to be inferior due to their race. Now, it is deemed racist to point out the colour of someone, it is racist to wear your hair like a black person (appropriation etc), it is racist to say you don’t want open borders, the list is endless yet when you look at these accusations of racism they aren’t in actually racist. What they are is virtue signalling

I'm one to fully agree with OP and I'm at the end of many comments, being made fun of all the time for one particular attribute of mine. I don't mind, I've long learn that being able to not take yourself seriously and being able to laugh at yourself, accepting you as you are, the good and not good, is the road to self confidence and self confidence attracts people.

It is one thing I've taught my kids. Laugh at yourself and accept yourself as you are. I find it so sad that nowadays, the slightest comment, often nothing but the truth is taken as a the other person being mean or selfish.

My OH will tell me when I've put on weight and make a joke of it. He is right when he does and it helps me to realise that I do need to do something about it. I also know that he loves me unconditionally and would never leave me just because I've put on weight. The irony is that those who keep quiet because they know they will get grief otherwise as those more likely to do things behind their partner's back!

You can be truthful but do it in a kind and sensitive way.

I think there are more people who are sensitive to things these days but many more people who have poor mental health due to the way modern life is

People who feel the need to tell the truth at the expense of others feelings are generally dicks. A little tact goes a long way in life.

@mooncuplanding, absolutely.

People love to claim that they are not racists because they don't say things to people's face, yet will make judgement about different cultures they think they know all about because they heard it on TV or read it online!

I have a friend who comes from a country that is known for a stereotype that people will bring up everytime she mentions where she's from. They wouldn't dare mentioning her skin colour but think it's OK to bring iup stereotypes about her country. She is much more upset about the latter.

mooncup someone online accused me of appropriation because my profile pic was me (white) in Indian head jewellery with a bindi on. They didn't bother to notice I'm married to an Indian man and this was at one of his families parties. Was I supposed to wear jeans?

People misuse appropriation. It's supposed to mean profiting off of people's traditions and culture without crediting acknowledging or sharing your benefits with them. Plagiarism if you will by passing it as yours. It's NOT every time a white person does something usually done by non white people.

Someone people genuinely struggle telling lies, I do. I have to keep quiet and cause internal harm to my because my welfare is deemed less important than another, I will not go as far as being compelled to lie.

@Swingofthings--that post made no sense.

@Femaleassassin, how do you define tact though? That's the issue, how tactful can you be whilst still being truthful without offending. It seems nowadays that the answer is you can't.

If your partner ask if you bottom is big, what would be a tactful response? For me it would be 'yes, these trousers are not flattering, you bum does look big but then again it is. But you know I love you just as you are'. For someone else, the only acceptable tactful response would 'of course not, you don't have big bum' as anything else would be taken in a hurtful way.

Yes, Bertrand, the OP’s scenarios don’t bear any relation to some new climate of ‘snowflake’ oversensitivity — in one, someone keeps asking if she’s put weight on, and as her colleagues have avoided answering her, no one is being over sensitive or offended. That is an entirely ordinary social white lie, not a new thing.

In the second, the friends are clearly bored with hearing about a childminder fallout which is nothing to do with them and are probably just saying ‘Whatever you say, dear’ (while the OP seemed to feel it was her job to point out what she perceived to be the truth). Again, nothing new or ‘snow-flake-y.’

And in the third, the OP seems to have felt that other people didn’t point out that she was wearing dark glasses all evening for fear it would upset her, but that seems a bit of a leap, especially as one of the people was her partner, and also manages the sleight of hand of blaming other people for something trivial she did. I don’t think people have stopped pointing out you have your skirt stuck into your knickers in case it ‘upsets’ you...

bertrand

I find the Bingo card approach that people like you use symptomatic of the problem we are talking about. You have a very fixed ideology in your bingo card of what constitutes racism, sexism, homophobia etc. A tribal stance to appear superior morally and you are so keen to place any slight into your bingo card and claim your moral superiority, failing to take into account nuance, intention, complexity at every opportunity

“failing to take into account nuance, intention, complexity at every opportunity”
Did you notice that I only ticked off a couple of your statements? The others are open to nuance and complexity. The open borders one for example. Some people say this out of straight racism -some have other reasons. My bingo card is very nuanced.

I dunno. Just be kind. Or keep away from other people.

Some people are repulsed by the rectum, it's full of germs, it's understandable. You can't stop people being repulsed in the privacy of their own brain by certain behaviors.

@Swingofthings--that post made no sense
I think you could have responded saying you didn't understand what I was trying to say with more tact :) No offense taken though!

Aibu is the very essence of this surely though and encourages it. "Aibu to be a little miffed...". No dear, maybe not but, equally, just chill.

Yabu

There’s no call for rudeness.

Also not everyone wants your opinion on something so don’t be offended if that’s their reaction.

YANBU

But the fat pregnant friend scenario - nothing is to be gained whatsoever by telling her. She is probably already very insecure and as pregnancy is a short term thing I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

However I see how sensitive people are by comments on MN! Someone posted a thread using the experience “soldier on” in a jovial fashion, and of course there was a poster somehow offended by it...

The other thing is that most examples of “snowflakery” are made up. All the “can’t celebrate Christmas/personhole covers” stuff is bollocks.

Agree with Bertrand there. It's invented hysteria.

One of my cousins is so sensitive you have to literally work out what you say to her each time you talk to her.

She's been through a lot, admittedy, but she can twist what you say in a different subject completely and then she blows up thinks you're digging at her and you get full on dramatics.

For example, I thanked a relative for a Christmas present as thwy hadn't been present when I picked it up. She overheard and flew off the handle about how she hadnt been invited to where I'd picked it up from (I had dropped in on passing to another family member for a coffee) and how she was always the outcast of the family and clearly we all hated her.

Simple truth is that if invited to this persons houise ten times, she'd only come over twice because 'reasons'. Yet she always cuts people out and is a proper fairweather friend.

You have to make sure it's as non-leading as possible in your head to avoid multiple blow ups over innocent things. It's exhausting and said person is very draining to spend time with.