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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that people are becoming too sensitive

102 replies

Whyisareallthenamestaken · 06/02/2019 13:56

Just that really.
I feel like people have become so sensitive that we are expected to constantly watch what we say and even how we say/phrase it.

I don’t like telling lies and would rather give my candid opinion, but I’m always stuck between being truthful and risking hurting people’s feelings, or lying and telling them what I think they want to hear.

I would rather you tell me the truth just as it is without sugar coating it, but no one seems to do that anymore these days.

Seems like it’s now considered RUDE to be truthful.

I’ve got some scenarios to use as example but they will be in the comments..

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 06/02/2019 22:08

How did you yourself not notice you were wearing dark glasses inside their house? Surely you wouldn’t have been able to see anything?

Original poster
Whyisareallthenamestaken · 06/02/2019 22:32

Unless you’re suggesting your boyfriend and his family think you’re so over-sensitive that you’d have gone into hysterics if someone had dared to ask why you were wearing dark glasses? Yes this...

The shades don't affect me as I see the same regardless. I just find it more effective for driving as I don't have to worry about sudden bright light/flashes.

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 06/02/2019 22:34

Facts don't have feelings

YANBU OP, people taking offence to opinions has got way out of hand

Parthenope · 06/02/2019 22:41

But why would they think you were likely to be upset by something as innocuous as someone asking about your dark glasses, unless they’ve seen you kick off over something minor in the past? Do you have a reputation for extreme sensitivity and drama-queenish tendencies?

Original poster
Whyisareallthenamestaken · 06/02/2019 22:43

You might find the scenarios irrelevant. Hence I didn't add any to the OP. I didn't want this to be about the scenarios.
Just the thought...are we becoming too sensitive?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/02/2019 22:44

Facts don’t have feelings - that is true, @mooncuplanding - but people do, and surely it is better to try to tell someone the truth in a way that doesn’t hurt them.

Kattyy · 06/02/2019 22:47

Yabu. People are not becoming too sensitive. They have crossed that bloody line a long time ago!😄

mooncuplanding · 06/02/2019 23:02

Facts don’t have feelings - that is true, @mooncuplanding - but people do, and surely it is better to try to tell someone the truth in a way that doesn’t hurt them.

I realise people have feelings. But why is there an expectation that you should never have your feelings hurt? Where has this come from? Why do so many people think they have a 'right' to never be upset?

Original poster
Whyisareallthenamestaken · 06/02/2019 23:02

@Parthenope, no it wasn't about me. I know I'm definitely not sensitive and not one for drama. They were probably just being too polite.

OP posts:
Thindragon · 08/02/2019 21:33

So someone might go round wearing dark glasses. I see them. I think "oh that's odd, wearing dark glasses indoors". I open my mouth to let this random brain fart out into the room.

Then I stop. I think "Actually there's lots of reasons why someone might wear dark lenses. Conjunctivitis. Abusive boyfriend gave them a black eye. Can't quite face the day today. Forgot to swap their glasses over. None of these are my business."

Me commenting on something unusual about another person is only me saying "HUR HUR LOOK I HAVE A NARROW BAND OF WHAT I CONSIDER NORMAL!" It's just not very cool.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/02/2019 22:03

I didn’t say that people have a ‘right’ not to have their feelings hurt, @mooncuplanding - but isn’t it basic human decency to do one’s best not to cause pain to another person? If you can use one form of words to tell a truth, and cause hurt, or a different form of words that tells the same truth but doesn’t cause hurt, why wouldn’t you want to use the non-hurtful words?

BackforGood · 08/02/2019 22:21

As has been said upthread, context is everything.

I don't believe in 'not being honest' if people have asked me what I think about a situation (so the childcare situation), however, I wouldn't go round commenting on someone's appearance (for example in your dark glasses situation). But there are ways of saying things.

I am inclined to agree that I often see posts on MN where people 'take offence' at the most ridiculous things. I don't come across that in my life outside of MN though.

Santaclarita · 08/02/2019 22:23

Yeah you are right. I know someone that recently actually sued people because of what they misunderstood and decided to be offended by. Can't really give more details, but it was laughable. They lost, badly. It kind of just proved what we all thought: they were stupid.

I see people all the time on here saying they are so shocked by something, and it's silly stuff like a shop running out of milk or whatever. People are way more easily wound up now, or maybe we just know about it more thanks to forums and social media. Who knows, can't exactly do an experiment on it.

mooncuplanding · 09/02/2019 07:20

I didn’t say that people have a ‘right’ not to have their feelings hurt, @mooncuplanding - but isn’t it basic human decency to do one’s best not to cause pain to another person? If you can use one form of words to tell a truth, and cause hurt, or a different form of words that tells the same truth but doesn’t cause hurt, why wouldn’t you want to use the non-hurtful words?

I think this kind of sums up the problem we are talking about.

What constitutes ‘pain’?

It seems to me this definition has been extended massively in recent times which is why I was asking about this ‘right’ not to have your feelings hurt. Where is the line?

Personally, I prefer not to live in an altered reality where I lie (yes it is that) to save people’s feelings. I have faith that humans can endure a bit of hurt to their ego sometimes and indeed they usually grow from it. I don’t think it is kind to not tell the truth and ‘spare feelings’, I think it is quite the opposite, it’s patronising.

But anyway, like I said above, the line has shifted, what constitutes hurt is so much more, well, snowflakey, than it used to be

malificent7 · 09/02/2019 07:34

I disagree...people just realise that they don't have to put up with nastyness, racism, sexism etc.

Here we go again with the snowflakes comments.

AstralTraveller · 09/02/2019 07:41

YANBU. People are unrecognisable in just a generation IMO. I am wondering if they are emulating what they see on the TV or what is actually going on. No one can walk in a room without the occupants screaming and flapping their arms about and gushing. If our GGparents could come back they would be astonished at how the country seems to have collectively lost it's marbles.
At work the other day a colleague came in. I haven't worked with her for over a month and I know that she and her BF are buying a house together. I asked her how it was going and she said she is utterly traumatised. This was said with a hand on her brow but I reserved judgement lest someone had died or something. She was 'traumatised' because they had to leave their renter but the house they were buying wouldn't be ready for three weeks after that date and they were having to move in with his parents for that three weeks! I wanted to laugh but.....didn't. I do now see her as a snowflake now though there, I've said the S word
The thing is she isn't traumatised. She spent the entire shift chatting to people, humming and looking at curtain material on the internet so whilst I do believe that some people are so soft as be trumatised by something that to normal mortals is a major league pisser only, she was not traumatised. Traumatised is something you get after terrible news or a car accident or a terrorist incident. Not being pissed around by Redrow homes :(

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 07:56

People who talk about snowflakes or over sensitivity or political correctness gone mad are people who are pissed off they can’t say racist, sexist, homophobic, ageist or disablist things any more.

fitbituser · 09/02/2019 08:00

Agreed bert, although I would add that with that you have a new level of racism and sexiam and homophobia where people say something a bit "edgy" or controversial and giggle giggle giggle and push it ... A lot of it is underground.

Seline · 09/02/2019 08:03

I agree. I'm very honest and blunt and I prefer that way of communicating because it leaves little room for misinterpretation.

Seline · 09/02/2019 08:05

Bertrand agreed however you can be annoyed about people being easily offended without using those terms. I'm leftwing and I don't think it's my side who are "snowflakes", rather the right who complain about literally everything.

AuntieStella · 09/02/2019 08:05

You can be candid without being rude.

"Edgy" humour has be be really, really funny, and thoughtrng for it to actually be funny. It's incredibly rare that this is well done.

The local 'comedian' down the pub (whether on or off stage) who has to point out 'can't you thee it's a joke' is almost inevitably just being offensive but hiding behind the sacred cow of GSH

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 08:13

Anyone got any examples if this over sensitiveness? I don’t understand the OP’s......

SerenDippitty · 09/02/2019 08:16

I realise people have feelings. But why is there an expectation that you should never have your feelings hurt? Where has this come from? Why do so many people think they have a 'right' to never be upset?

So you feel you have a “right” to upset people because you can’t be arsed to be tactful/kind?

Janethevirgo · 09/02/2019 08:16

Yes, I call them the professionally offended.

Stardustinmyeyes · 09/02/2019 08:17

I'm just here waiting for the Brexit comments,