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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BBC breakfast feature about potty training

89 replies

Lizhd · 06/02/2019 08:24

Was anyone else irritated by the feature on BBC breakfast this morning about children still not being potty trained by the time they get to school?
I accept that if that is what the figures show then there must be an element of truth it however........they only spoke to mums on the issue suggesting that if you are a busy working mum or a mum to multiple children then it is YOUR FAULT if you children potty train late. There was no mention of a fathers in the feature at all. Clearly fathers hold no parental responsibility when it comes to potty training!
(I am aware that not all children have fathers present but in the same mind not all children have monthers present)

OP posts:

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 06/02/2019 10:08

Where I live - different country, nurseries and playschools can still refuse to take kids in nappies for their pre-school sessions for kids who are 3 plus so most kids are well out of nappies by 3

SaucyJack · 06/02/2019 10:10

I don’t think anyone is refusing to toilet-train compliant, NT school-age children simply because they cannot be bothered with a few days of damp pants and potties.

I am the laziest mofo on Earth, and all three of mine did it with very little issue- which suggests to me that there’s something else going on for the family involved.

EdwardScissorskills · 06/02/2019 10:11

PP - it's "Mr Poo Goes Home to Pooland" (Google it and you'll find a link, also lots of Mumsnet threads!)

Amused to see it's also an app now... www.eric.org.uk/news/app-will-help-thousands-of-children-with-constipation

x2boys · 06/02/2019 10:24

I think most kids are well.out of nappies by three (Ish) in the UK too Jebus ,if not than there is usually something underlying wether diagnosed or not ,my second son was the only child in mainstream nursery still in nappies he severe autism and learning disabilities he's still not toilet trained at 8 (although oddly dry at night ) .

Angelicinnocent · 06/02/2019 10:50

I've posted about my God awful BIL and SIL before but they are the people that these articles are talking about.

DN is 6, he is NT as far as anyone can tell but he has to go home from school every lunchtime to have his nappy changed, struggles badly with his speech and the only place he gets to read, practice writing and colour etc is school.

They will not do anything with him and barely speak to him. Same with the younger one who is 3.

They won't let anybody else look after him, even for a couple of hours and have turned down speech therapy and parenting classes. SS have been involved but seem content that they are not being physically harmed and left it at that.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 06/02/2019 11:31

My sis lives in America and loads of kids are barely potty trained going to primary school. She finds it really weird but a lot of kids there don’t go to nursery or Montessori so there is a panic to get them ready for school at 4 or 5.

SileneOliveira · 06/02/2019 12:03

Do you happen to remember the name of the poo going to pooland book? I'll try anything

www.ntw.nhs.uk/content/uploads/2016/08/Poo-Goes-To-Pooland.pdf

It's a PDF print out, written by a clinical psychologist if i remember correctly. It is a very common problem, and I completely understand your desperation. DS was the same, he knew he was holding on and knew it had to come out eventually, but did everything in his power to stop that happening.

It will pass. But that's no consolation when you're in the middle of it. Good luck!!

Geminijes · 06/02/2019 12:37

A friend of mine is a nursery teacher at a local school and we recently had a conversation about potty training.
She told me that this school year there are 24 children in her class and 17 of them are still in nappies. One special needs child but he is toilet trained.
According to her, each year the number of pupils starting school still wearing nappies is increasing. She thinks it's because parents don't want to train their children over a period of a week or so.
Parents will start potty training but if the child is still having accidents after a couple of days then they say that they are not ready whereas training should just continue and can take up to a couple of weeks.
I guess it's down to the busy life style of parents. Difficult to stay home for a week or say training their child due to work etc.

x2boys · 06/02/2019 12:42

Nursery ,s are taking increasingly younger children too, when my two where at nursery they could start the term after they turned three but even but even so there were limited places so my oldest started nursery in the September after he turned three at the xmas , there is also two years funding now.

hazeyjane · 06/02/2019 12:50

Geminijes
a friend of mine is a nursery teacher at a local school....
How old are the children starting?

hazeyjane · 06/02/2019 12:53

nurseries and playschools can still refuse to take kids in nappies for their pre-school sessions for kids who are 3 plus....

Early years settings are not allowed to refuse a child in nappies.

Geminijes · 06/02/2019 12:58

@hazeyjane

How old are the children starting?

The children are all age 3 plus. From the nursery class they enter reception class.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 06/02/2019 13:02

My DB and SIL waited until preschool could do it for them. She admitted it outright. I was slightly appalled, but also wondered why they just didn't get on with it so they could stop with nappies sooner.

GrandTheftWalrus · 06/02/2019 13:04

DD is 2 years and 3 months old and shows no signs of being ready.

She knows she's pooped in her nappy but doesn't know she needs to go.

I'm hoping by her 3rd birthday she'll be potty trained.

Dreamingofkfc · 06/02/2019 13:06

Nursery isn't school though. By primary school age a NT should be in pants/knickers in the day and get that they use the toilet. Aged 3 it really varies, alot of children I know have been potty trained within 2 days between 2.5-3.5. I thought my middle boy would be trained sooner but he's 3 next month and hopefully we are cracking it soon. Tbh though that's not me being lazy, but busy as I have the school run plus a baby

OllyBJolly · 06/02/2019 13:12

My 2 DCs (born early 90s) were out of nappies by 18 months. That was pretty average for their age group - not early, not late. This was before disposables were vacuum packed , and not having a car, I could only manage one bag from the local shop. I also used terry nappies. Total faff- huge incentive to get them out of nappies.

Nappies now are so far advanced. They are much lighter, and never feel wet. I don't understand how children can "feel" they need to go.

x2boys · 06/02/2019 13:35

When people say their children were out of nappies and toilet trained at a young age do they mean their children were independently asking for and using the toilet or are the parents regularly trying them on the potty/toilet? Because the latter whilst they maybe out of nappies they are not really toilet trained.

OllyBJolly · 06/02/2019 13:43

in our case it was asking for and/or using the toilet or potty.

hazeyjane · 06/02/2019 13:52

Geminijes
The children are all age 3 plus. From the nursery class they enter reception class.

School nurseries are not 'school' they are still preschool/nursery age and many children this age are still learning to use the toilet.

I find there is a lot of hyperbole around this topic whenever it comes up. Yet another thing people can throw their hands up in the air and despair over how feckless and lazy modern parents are (mostly mothers...obviously).

This hysteria seems to mostly be based on vagueness and overblown anecdotes.
What are the actual figures for...

the number of children starting reception in nappies?
How many of these children have additional needs or health issues?
How many of these children go on to have additional needs or health issues in the future? (This one is important because many children will not have a diagnosis or an identified health need at this young age).

theredjellybean · 06/02/2019 13:57

Slightly off topic but related.. Radio 4 yesterday had a programme about increasing numbers of children with poor language development. And numbers starting school with poor vocab and language... Linked to increase in use of screens for entertainment for young children and decrease in number of parents speaking and reading to their children.
It followed some parents who had accepted interventions and their delight in how quickly their children progressed was palpable.
Lots of parents interviewed said they put very young children to bex with the TV on.. Didn't read or talk much to children.
Lazy parenting most definitely evident, and as the children whose parents changed their behaviour progressed very quickly with speech, I'd say the theory was proven... Parents need to stop abdicating responsibility to screens, devices, nurseries and teachers

TheFairyCaravan · 06/02/2019 14:02

DS1 was out of nappies by his second birthday. He was taking himself to the potty/toilet at home and asking if we were out. DS2 was 2 and 2 months. This was in the late nineties and it was the norm. They had to be reliably clean and dry when they started play school at 2.5.

I worked in a nursery for a few years and we took children from 2yrs9mths as long as they were out of nappies. Then the rules changed where children had to be allowed to attend regardless of whether they were potty trained or not so our managers put the age they could start up to 3. We rarely had a child start in nappies tbh.

FiveRedBricks · 06/02/2019 14:03

At 2 and a half yrs old, forgiving any sen or hormonal issues, your child is ready to be potty trained.

Whether you think they are or not - they are. They can hold their bladder, recognise when they need a wee/poo and should have enough communication skills and understanding to be able to do it.

Not doing it IMO is somewhat lazy parenting because it's to avoid several weeks of stress for you rather than your child 'not being ready'. It not being easy does not mean they are not ready to do it.

And if you start little by little as they grow up (from when they can squat and stand) rather than just throwing a potty in the living room and going all gung-ho it really isn't all that stressful.

We have done that and my 20m is using his potty to wee, sitting on it, playing with the seat etc when we let him run around naked. Now if we can just get him to aim better and learn to pull his nappy down we'll be on to an early winner 😂

hazeyjane · 06/02/2019 14:10

At 2 and a half yrs old, forgiving any sen or hormonal issues, your child is ready to be potty trained.

At 2 and a half years old, you may not know that your child has any sen. There may also be health complications that make toileting more difficult, in order not to lead to further complications a gentler approach may be necessary. Some children may be physically ready at 2 and a half, but the arrival of a new sibling or famithaty difficulties mean that pushing toileting at that time may be counterproductive.

All children are individuals and should be treated as such.

x2boys · 06/02/2019 14:12

Most children a toilet trained between 2 1/2and 31/2 does it really matter in the great scheme of things wether it's the later end of the age range ?

x2boys · 06/02/2019 14:15

Well.quite hazey with ds1 I tried from 2/12 and he would see in the potty but w would wet himself if I put under pants on him at 3 years and 2 months it just clicked .

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