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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To look at my child and cry with happiness

85 replies

Lightheart · 05/02/2019 19:17

He's 4 the only child I have and honestly I look at him sometimes and well up thinking about how much I love him. Even on the shittiest day when he's been hard work and a typical 4 year old I tuck him in and watch him sleep and it really hits me how much I love him. I know I'm not being unreasonable but does anyone else get this, I could just squeeze him he's just amazing. I'm fairly certain nobody has ever loved anyone as much as I love him 😍

OP posts:

CoastalLife · 05/02/2019 20:21

When I was pregnant I used to sob to my DH "what if I don't love her? What if I don't think she's cute??". I was so hormonaldesperately worried that I would just look at her and be...meh.
DH takes the piss out of me all the time about it now because I'm just absolutely head over heels in love with her. She's two now and she's my little shadow. She makes my heart sing and makes me proud every day. She's just everything I ever dreamt she would be and more. Funny, kind, loving, cheeky. I definitely didn't need to worry!

Original poster

Lightheart · 05/02/2019 20:22

@thinkingcapon my intention was never to upset anyone and my heart goes out to anyone in that situation I think part of my feelings of pure love are because I realise how fortunate and lucky I am to have this boy in my life and how so many people would do anything to have the same. Hopefully anyone reading that is struggling with fertility can see the thread in the good nature it is intended, just as a way of sharing the pure joy our kids bring. Sometimes Mumsnet can be a serious place so I think it's nice and important to share some of the love 💕

OP posts:

MBM18 · 05/02/2019 20:46

Haha I feel exactly the same I have a 5 month old DD and always say to DP how were we ever happy before she was in our lives. I'm due back to work in 7 months and the thought makes me want to cry, I just love her so much and want to be with her every single day.

jigsawmaniac · 05/02/2019 20:57

I feel like this. My 4 year old is adopted and several years down the line I still look at him sleeping and can't believe how much I love him and how lucky I am to have him. I couldn't possibly love him more if I'd given birth to him!

Believability · 05/02/2019 21:04

I’m utterly obsessed with my 3. I could literally eat my 16 old, I love and adore him so much it hurts. My 12 year old is everything I wanted in a daughter. I only ever wanted one girl and I worship the ground she walks on. My youngest is too divine for words. I call him my sunshine bonus baby even though he’s 9.

In real life they’re totally normal children who are sometimes wonderful and often less wonderful but to me they’re the most incredible children on the earth

Home77 · 05/02/2019 21:07

I think it is the Oxytocin.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 05/02/2019 21:08

*CoastalLife I used to sob to DH ‘what if I don’t love her?’ I used to do this too, although not with DD1, but when I was pregnant for the second time, I was terrified that I could never love another child as much as DD1. I used to sit on the end of her bed while she was asleep and watch her and rub my bump anxiously. It just didn’t seem believable that I could love anyone else that much. And then I met dd2 and I realised in that moment that I could have any number of them and there would always be enough of the mama love. I think it was probably a good thing for dd1 that I had another child. I think being the sole focus of my maternal—obsession— love, might have been hard to deal with!

ItsMEhooray · 05/02/2019 21:13

Yes, he's 1 and he's heaven to me. They're so extra adorable when they're all tucked up in bed in pyjamas ready for sleep. I love the smell of his little warm bed feet

choirmumoftwo · 05/02/2019 21:15

I just said to my 17 year old DD tonight that I absolutely adore her and I really meant it. She drives me to distraction sometimes but that changes nothing. Feel the same about DS 20. Can't quite believe I helped to create them!

probablynotrelevant · 05/02/2019 21:21

My DD is the best thing I have ever done. I adore her. She is the most beautiful creature in the universe as far as I am concerned.

elfycat · 05/02/2019 21:22

If I miss bedtime (rare) always pop into their rooms and tell them goodnight and that I love them, even if they're asleep. Last week DD2 (8) was still awake but very sleepy and I got the best quick-hug ever. Then I went to DD1's room (10) and she was seemingly asleep. I gave her a tiny kiss and her lips twitched up, but she still pretended to be asleep.

I usually check on them before bed, and they're just the light of my life. All those metaphors are actually true! But then I think of Tim Minchin's Lullaby and it all goes wrong

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 21:26

@elfycat that lullaby is amazin! And it's what got me through the awful "sleep is for losers" years.

My heart says I love you, but my brain's thinking fuck you,

CoastalLife · 05/02/2019 21:30

@thinkingcapon have you considered that some of the people commenting on this thread may well have endured years (decades maybe) of infertility prior to having their DC?

It's heartbreaking for those who are struggling with infertility, but that's not a reason for everyone else to not speak about their children on a thread that's completely unrelated to fertility issues.

Lemoneeza · 05/02/2019 21:31

Aw lovely thread 💕

GummyGoddess · 05/02/2019 21:33

@Lightheart I worried that about DC2. However what actually happened is that I attached to him much quicker than DC1 who took until about 4 months for me to feel that I loved him. I love them both the same but in different ways, they both inspire the same feelings of amazement.

thundercats192 · 05/02/2019 21:33

I fell head over heels in love with my DS the moment he was born. He's 2 now and I just absolutely adore him, everything about him is just so incredibly cute, he's so affectionate, and I love his cheekiness and his giggles. When he's sleeping he looks so perfect I can barely believe he's real. I literally can't imagine possibly loving anyone more.

Lymphy · 05/02/2019 21:36

I get it the other way round as well, my DS is unwell atm he looks so pale and is lethargic, while cuddling him on my knee I could feel myself welling up feeling sorry for him. Numpty.

RiddleyW · 05/02/2019 21:37

I felt really nothing for DS until he was about one then it turned on and now he’s 4 I absolutely recognise my feelings in your OP. We now have an ironic reversal of the “touched out” feeling when DS will announce that he’s had enough cuddles thanks!

WonderTweek · 05/02/2019 21:42

My little two-year-old has chickenpox and he is whingey, mucky and covered in crusty spots and I still think he's the most gorgeous and wondrous thing. Makes me feel like a right sucker as he drives me up the wall sometimes, but I'm crazy about that tiny creature. 😍

UnderHerEye · 05/02/2019 21:48

Parenthood is a gift

Such a simple statement, but so beautiful. It really is.

sometimessometimes · 05/02/2019 21:49

My heart sometimes feels like it's literally about to explode with love for DD (13 months). I feel so lucky to be a sahm and watch her grow everyday and spend all my time with her. Pregnant with another DD and worried my heart can't take all the love!

RoboticSealpup · 05/02/2019 21:50

I'm reassured to see that those feelings are still there for many of you at a later stage. I think my parents definitely loved me a lot less around the age of maybe twelve onwards, and I just can't imagine ever losing those feelings for DD. She's four and she's just the most amazing, magical little person in the world to me. An added bonus is that I can see that DH loves her as much as I do, and it makes me love him even more than before. (Though not as much as DD!)

silkpyjamasallday · 05/02/2019 21:56

I had to go and peek at sleeping DD after reading this thread. Funny how they are always even more perfect when soundly asleep

KoshaMangsho · 05/02/2019 21:56

I feel like that about my two. My 7 year old is cuddly and sweet and full of back chat. But the sweetest and kindest boy and my heart hurts for him sometimes in a world where he is a bit unlike other boys (dreamy, musically talented, not into typical ‘boy’ things). My 2 year old is nuts. Just nuts. But has the smile to melt a million hearts. Every morning I get ‘Good Moming Mama. Mama give kiss.’ Followed yesterday by his new thing: ‘Give me kiss now. Please. Okaaaaaayyyy?’ Actually what really melts my heart is when the two of them are snuggled up together and the big one is reading to the small one. And the small one said to the big one as we dropped him off to school ‘Mees you. Todaaaay. Meees you. Come back soon.’ Awwww. Although I asked him if he missed me in nursery and he looked amazed and said: ‘no meees Mummy. Meees X’. X is the cat.

Believability · 05/02/2019 21:58

I'm reassured to see that those feelings are still there for many of you at a later stage

They really are. DS is about 4 inches taller than me, slightly grouchy, often smelly but I can’t put into words how much I still adore him. It hasn’t changed a jot from when he was a tiny baby. All the things that make him so wonderful just magnify in time. I often tell him that he has to go to university in our home town so that he can stay with mummy. You can imagine how that goes down 😂

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