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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex and Ps still expect me to organise their lives!

93 replies

Bobblehatted · 05/02/2019 10:03

Ex walked out nearly two years ago. Needed space blah blah (other woman). That relationship has since gone south, there’s no one else as far as I know.

Sold the house and split the proceeds. I bought a tiny flat. Ex gave his parents the address and telephone number because he’s a twat.

When we were together I was the one to make all the arrangements for his family to visit. For some reason they don’t communicate with him. I don’t do that anymore and have told them yet they still ring and tell me to tell ex they are coming to town. They once turned up on my doorstep and I had to tell them to leave because I was putting DS to bed. They know ex walked out, I have no idea why they are hassling me. If they want to see DS they can see him when ex has him.

Ex has now sent an angry text. He’s annoyed that I didn’t tell him his parents were coming down 😂. He’s in his 40s, nothing to do with me anymore, and he expects me to tell him stuff about his parents?!

I might send a cease and desist letter to them. Is that U? I know they are older and might not know any better but I’m not putting up with angry texts because they won’t speak to their own son.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 05/02/2019 15:55

Not it isnt so just say that and let him deal with it. Bringing in some woman who he isnt even with anymore is unnecessary

Lweji · 05/02/2019 15:58

His sister doesn’t speak directly to him, she does everything through her mother.

One more reason to deliver the message to her, if she's likely to relay it back to her parents. With any luck it would go around in a circle. You could count how many times and we could have bets on it.

Legohell · 05/02/2019 16:01

Why is the op dragging it out? She has told them all not to do it and they ignore her. She is abused for not passing messages when she ignores them.

I say do what you like be it legal letter or passing on the ex’s ex’s details. They do it to you, you do it to them. Add a few of your ex’s friends numbers in there as well.

Mmmhmmm · 05/02/2019 16:04

Just text him "They're your family, not mine. 🤷🏻‍♀️" every time he sends texts about his family.

Quartz2208 · 05/02/2019 16:05

because its unpleasant to send over other peoples details without there knowledge and involve them in things that involve your child

MoonxSafari · 05/02/2019 16:20

I had this problem too, years ago until I stop engaging and replied to every stream of abuse with a message similar to ''the way to a relationship with your grandchildren is through a better relationship with your son''. Sent a version of that text about 10 times before they gave up and stopped trying to drag me in to their melee.

Twisique · 05/02/2019 16:29

Tell them you have a new number. Give them xh’s number. Then block them 🙂

^^ This! Perfect!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/02/2019 16:30

Indeed, Merde

As I was reading the catch-up, I realised that I had been sabotaged!

Grin
Jux · 05/02/2019 16:35

Just send whichever of them the other's details each time, using whichever media they contact you on each time. I'm sure you can set up automatic responses on email, probably on text too.

My MIL used to use me as a go-between for her and dh on things she knew dh would say no to. In the end I refused to be involved, told her to ask dh himself "here he is now, dh your mum wants ask you something", when she actually had him there she'd make conversation but not actually ask him at all. I felt slightly sorry for her but dh was being even more difficult to me so I really didn't have head space to sort out her & her son's relationship, could barely cope with him myself.

You really don't have to play their silly games.

Holidayshopping · 05/02/2019 16:39

Every time he texts you about them-just text him their phone number and do the same to them.

How bizarre!

Mewslife · 05/02/2019 18:25

OP I hope he’s furious because his parents turned up and caught him in flagrante 😁

They could have asked for the woman’s details there and then!

crosstalk · 05/02/2019 18:36

I'm with holidayshopping - just reply every time and say contact your son. And contact you ex to say your parents have been in contact, talk to them.

Do this for a couple of months before telling both parties to FO. Sorry if I haven't read the whole FT, but does your DS like seeing them?

Lucked · 05/02/2019 18:48

I do think it would be funny to share his parents contact detail with him but the sensible thing to do is to ignore them all.

Teaandcrisps · 05/02/2019 18:55

I would delete every text they send without reading or responding.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 05/02/2019 19:13

Personally I wouldn't send them a cease and desist letter, I'm not sure that's even a thing in the UK.

If they only visit around every 3 months could you suggest that they come on a certain date and take the DC out for the day?

You'll get some time for yourself, the DC will get some time with their DGP and you can plan things better.

Just make it plain when you next see them that you don't have much to do with your ex so if they want to know anything about him, they'll have to ask him Smile

Mewslife · 05/02/2019 19:31

I think it’s a great idea giving them the ex’s ex number. She’s closer to him than you are in the timeline!

Mewslife · 05/02/2019 19:35

Does your ex have children with his ex?

TowelNumber42 · 05/02/2019 19:43

"I think you meant to send this to ex"

Reply with this to every message.

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