Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask if you are nowhere near retirement and exhausted already?

93 replies

evaperonspoodle · 05/02/2019 07:56

We had a winter sun holiday over christmas and I was watching the retired couples who lived there playing tennis and looking really fit and healthily tanned and remarked to DH that that would be us in a few years. He brought me back to earth with a jolt remarked that I will probably not retire for another 30, in which case I'll be 70. I am exhausted as it is, my dc are either secondary school or nearly there and I am so much more tired now then when I had 3 dc under 4. I cannot imagine in 30 years time wanting to do anything other than watch TV under a blanket.

Does anyone else feel like this or AIBU?

OP posts:

juneau · 05/02/2019 10:56

I think mid-life is the most exhausting bit actually, because most people are working, raising a family, sometimes looking after elderly DPs as well, plus women go through the menopause at this time, and both men and women are often trying hard to save for retirement, pay off their mortgage, have all the expenses of having a family at home, may be studying part-time to improve their prospects, etc. I look at my DPs now (aged 75 and 70), and they're so relaxed! They potter about, see friends, go on holiday, socialise - they have so much more energy for going out than I do in my 40s. Hang in there everyone who is struggling - hopefully it will get easier as our responsibilities lessen.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/02/2019 11:01

juneau There's a lot of 65-70 year olds looking after elderly parents! "Mid-life" can go on for a long time. You may have got past the menopause, but adult children still need help, and then there's grandchildren ...

timeisnotaline · 05/02/2019 11:06

When I’m 50 my youngest will be about 10, it will be 60 before I’m not paying school fees and all dcs are adults. I am assuming we will have to work to 70 to build up the pension pot. Touch wood we can go part time.

juneau · 05/02/2019 11:12

MereDintofPandiculation true, but the vast majority of adult DC don't need to same level of input as young DC do. As for elderly DPs - you can get help with them in a way that is hard to get with DC. I know some people do have hard lives and lots of responsibilities that never seem to go away and not everyone is in a position to enjoy a wonderful retirement, but I do think that people in mid-life have a lot more on their plates than at any other stage.

THEsonofaBITCH · 05/02/2019 11:18

YANBU, given bills and costs for the future I figure I can stop working when I'm 75

MirriVan · 05/02/2019 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

speakout · 05/02/2019 11:39

I am not sure I could settle for such an exhausting dull life.,

I intend to squeeze every drop of enjoyment out of my life.

If you are not happy- change things.

EngagedAgain · 05/02/2019 12:02

Mirrivan- won't happen in my or my daughter's case, as she's not going to be the sort to 'get on'. Ideally good work ethic instilled early on. Make as much money as you can while young and healthy, buy your own property, get good pension. Retire early. That's the theory anyway! Passed us by though. I tried to get her to see, whereas things were different when I was younger, and like many women drifted into being a mum and 'housewife'.

Eliza9917 · 05/02/2019 12:17

I've got 29 years to go. There is no way I'm working for that long, I'm prepared to give it another 10 years maybe, at a push, and then I'm retiring early. I'd like to give up work by 45.

Omgineedanamechange · 05/02/2019 12:21

I don’t want to retire, I love my job. DH is always going on about retiring early (he’s 57 I’m 52) but I don’t think we can afford to retire and live the life we want to right now. We both have similar middle management jobs, although his is entirely desk based, whereas I spend more time in factories, auditing standards etc.

My mother still works at 75 on a farm shop lugging sacks of spuds in the freezing cold, by choice, she doesn’t need the money, in fact she often works for free (it’s owned by a family member). She won’t hear of retiring. My uncle is 80 and still runs his own business, my grandmother worked till a few weeks before she died doing my uncles books. I still say it was giving up work that killed her.

DHs mother on the other hand never worked, his father died very young, and both his much older brothers retired at 55. I suspect these opposite examples have a lot to do with our differing opinions.

user1471426142 · 05/02/2019 12:55

I would love retirement if I was rich enough to enjoy life. Retiring poor seems crap to be honest. I’m trying to make sure we save as much as possible into our pensions while we’re earning well to facilitate choices later on. Sadly I don’t think many people who are
In their 20s to 40s will have anywhere near the sort of retirement pensioners on good final salary schemes have today.

SushiMonster · 05/02/2019 13:02

This expensiveness younsaw enjoying life mainly retired on a final salary pension scheme and potentially retired early with an enhanced incentive.

Not going to happen for most workers today.

Nofilter · 05/02/2019 13:11

Yes exhausted and be got it pretty good! Self employed business owner which isn't "that" demanding and a landlord so in one way I'm kind of retired but two year old and my horses is just non stop - literally.

Sleepless night last night. Guiltily in mumsnet when I should be having a nap because I REALLY need one!

And to look at my plan to pay mortgage off again soon so can get back on track but it's all so exhausting!

Winter blues?

Rel0cati0n19 · 05/02/2019 13:16

State retirement age expected to be 68. I hope to retire before that and I have some investments. However, I've known a few people who have only had 1 or 2 years retirement and sadly passed away due to illness. So I'm making the most of now , incase I don't make it to retirement, with a better work/ life balance.

Rel0cati0n19 · 05/02/2019 13:20

How many people can afford to retire at 40, 50 ? I know a couple of people with private work pensions accessible in their 50s. They are still working in another industry. We all need to pay bills, living costs

DorisDances · 05/02/2019 13:20

Hang on in there @KeepCalm and hope your treatment goes well

Original poster

evaperonspoodle · 05/02/2019 13:23

Can I ask - those of you who find working tiring and would like to stop sooner, and who have children: what do you feel when you think about their lives being the same i.e. having to spend their lives being exhausted by work?

It's even more depressing. I'm trying to instill within the dc to chose their degrees wisely and be conscientious with money so that they can make the most of things when young. I don't think I would encourage paying heavily into a private pension, god knows what their retirement age will be.

If you are not happy- change things

I agree in theory but a lot easier said than done!

OP posts:

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 05/02/2019 13:26

Will need to work fulltime until 67, got 2 aged and frail rellies to keep an eye on (POA), plus medically retired DH with life limiting illness, kids at Uni and a grandchild on the way.
Stretched so thin i'm transparent! Absolutely bloody knackered and only another decade to go until retirement!

babysharkah · 05/02/2019 13:28

At my age now I reckon we'll be working until we're 80. Who knows what'll happen to my poor kids. (caveat - i have a very decent pension provision and so does the husband but we've prioritised that). the state pension won't exist by the time i get there.

MrsMWA · 05/02/2019 13:35

I’ve got 25 years to go to retire but have a debilitating chronic illness so doubt I will make it. Most people have to give up work within two years of diagnosis but I am hanging on for as long as I can. So no looking forward to a golden retirement for me, which is a shame as DH and I started saving for it young. I have said I want to go to Dignitas and let him enjoy everything we worked so hard for and not have the burden of caring for a disabled wife. You never know what’s around the corner.

MirriVan · 05/02/2019 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArtisanPopcorn · 05/02/2019 13:47

My mum and her partner are retired and they live THE LIFE! Seriously they have hobbies, nights out, meals out, exercise classes, they binge watch tv shows, read lots of books, travel extensively and babysit their grandchildren. I'm so jealous! I only have one child and I hope that means both DH & I and DD will be financially comfortable enough to pay off mortgages early and retire early.

ArtisanPopcorn · 05/02/2019 13:50

Mirrivan - yes, one of the (many) reasons we only have one. We should be in a position to be able to give her a decent house deposit one day as well as having the time and money by to provide her with knowledge/experiences/qualifications that will hopefully enable her to find a job she enjoys.

EngagedAgain · 05/02/2019 14:43

Mrs, my sympathies go out to you... And to Mirrivan, yes I did and no I didn't! Didn't foresee how much longer we would have until retirement. It's almost another ten years.

caringcarer · 05/02/2019 14:53

I am Foster Carer but also worked part time out of home until 56 but was plagued with a recurrent health issues and a dreadful menopause. I was constantly exhausted and emotional. Since giving up work (can't claim my pension for another 2 years) I feel a lot better and generally revived. Now Foster Carer to just one teen child. The energy does come back once your body has had a good rest (and some sun).

Flip

1 2 3 4