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Original poster

School assuming things about my mixed race son

237 replies

TulipDragonfly · 04/02/2019 16:39

DS (5) has come home today. I'm white, his dad is British born Chinese (ie, his parents came over from China, he looks Chinese but was bought up in the UK has never been to China and can't speak Chinese)

Mummy did you know I can speak chinese?

No darling, you can't

Yes I can, my teacher told me I could

But you can't sweetie!

Yes, she looked in her book and told me I could! And so I can!

She got him to speak a bit of Chinese to the whole class - hes such a little people pleaser that he said" I tried to speak Chinese" (he just made some noises mi Ka la ta do hi sa - what he thinks Chinese sounds like) and then she said 'well done'

Wibu to go into the school tomorrow and clear up that he can't speak Chinese, and I'm slightly concerned that they've just made an assumption he can because of what he looks like?

OP posts:
Grace212 · 05/02/2019 22:24

well handled OP, excellent beginning there Grin

did she say anything about the entry in the book?

Emilyontmoor · 05/02/2019 22:37

OP Maybe this is something to build on? My girls spent 3 years in China, aged 5-8 and 8-11and though they are not ethnically Chinese, those years, and all they learnt, are an important part of their identity which they celebrated during what I look back on as the years in which the "cool" peers tried to exclude them and put their difference under siege. They gravitated to peer groups that were inclusive and from different cultural and ethnic identities, or has just like them, had experienced them. Sadly your son is going to experience far more insensitivity, and it seems at the moment that prejudice and stereotyping is being green lighted in wider society, but that positive experience of his other cultural background, and building pride in it, could help him build a hide. CNY lycee is a good start Wink Kung Hei Fat Choi / Gung Hei Fa Cai!

MyOtherProfile · 05/02/2019 22:55

@OrangeSunsets no it has been commented on several times. However, i have several chinese friends who all say they speak chinese rather than specifying which chinese language they speak so i guess lots of people think it's fine.

Grace212 · 05/02/2019 23:09

Emily "Sadly your son is going to experience far more insensitivity, and it seems at the moment that prejudice and stereotyping is being green lighted in wider society, but that positive experience of his other cultural background, and building pride in it, could help him build a hide."

I'm confused by this comment, so apologies in advance if I have totally got this wrong.

are you saying he will experience prejudice, therefore he should learn his grandparents' language?

I think it's up to him. I cba learning mine and I'm glad my parents didn't badger me either way. But if I had wanted to, it would not have been the prejudice of others that made me want to.....do you see what I mean?

tbh I think prejudice has gotten worse over the years - I'm 43 and we didn't have this kind of obsession over "heritage" and "ethnicity" at school - I was just accepted as British. I'm very sad that things seem to be going backwards.

Ghanagirl · 05/02/2019 23:17

@TulipDragonfly
Sorry just to clarify your DH doesn’t speak either Mandarin or Cantonese?
Chinese isn’t a language.

UAreMyMummy · 05/02/2019 23:20

When my DS started nursery, his well-meaning teacher tried to force me to take books, written in 2 languages, for me to read to him at home (I am from European country, his dad is british, we speak English only at home). After explaining that my DD does not speak my language, I still found bilingual books in my son's bag for some time, but eventually it stopped.
OP situation is a bit different, though. Her poor child made to speak chinese and trying to invent some sounds! Teacher needs to be told.

snowball28 · 05/02/2019 23:22

Sorry just to clarify your DH doesn’t speak either Mandarin or Cantonese?
Chinese isn’t a language.

That’s been covered, loads. OP knows.

My fiancé is from HK and he says ‘I want to teach the kids to speak Chinese’ instead of Cantonese. It’s just for ease.

aariah08 · 05/02/2019 23:24

Aarghkids, this sounds like it was an honest mistake. The TA was trying to be culturally sensitive. Yes she made an assumption. Yes she got it wrong, but I think her heart was in the right place. I think clearing things up would have been sufficient. Removing her from care seems a little excessive

Peregrina · 05/02/2019 23:29

The TA was trying to be culturally sensitive.
As my grandmother would have said - she's got a tongue in her head, she could have asked, instead of just assuming and stating something as a fact.

Butterfly84 · 05/02/2019 23:33

Did the teacher explain why she thought your DS could speak 'Chinese'?

Willow2017 · 05/02/2019 23:48

was trying to be culturally sensitive. Yes she made an assumption. Yes she got it wrong, but I think her heart was in the right place.

What by telling a child that they could speak another language when he told them he cant?

How the hell does that work then? Wish it had worked when i was at school I would be bloody brill at languages if it only took a teacher to tell me I could speak it!

Dont 'assume' it makes you look stupid. And arguing when you are wrong makes it worse.

Forcing a child to stand in front of his class to do something he couldn't do could have had disastrous consequences to his self esteem.

Op.hasnt mentioned removing the child from school at all!

MWestie · 05/02/2019 23:56

I agree with @snowball28 and others that the term Chinese is often used as a reference to t he language instead of the specific language itself...my DH is from a HK background and will often say such-and-such can't speak Chinese when actually he's talking about Cantonese/Hakka etc.

Hope things are straightened out with school in a way that's acceptable to you OP. Your little DS sounds lovely. My mixed race DS used to be confused by some teachers at his school with his friend, who also was similarly mixed race. Because obviously they looked the same. Hmm Used to drive me mad.

aariah08 · 05/02/2019 23:56

Willow2017, that comment was for Aarghkids post, not OP’s

aariah08 · 06/02/2019 00:04

And in that case the child was 3, so perhaps they wouldn’t have known that the quiche had pork on it @Perigina. I’m new to mumsnet so still learning how to post directly to a comment. But I’ve sure had a warm welcome here 😕
Perhaps I’ll just head on back to reddit 😂

caringcarer · 06/02/2019 00:21

You could have some fun and tell her you speak Chinese too...mi Ka la ta do hi sa!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/02/2019 00:43

(I know its like midnight but Ill forget to ask tomorrow) OP did the teacher explain why she thought he could speak 'Chinese'?

I know data error has been bandied about but I can hazard a guess which kids these data errors happen more to. Hmm

And this EAL thing sounds like its open to massive interpretation/assumptions.

Kokeshi123 · 06/02/2019 01:32

Most europeans cannot even see the difference between a Chinese looking person and a Japanese or Korean...

Well, Japanese, Korean and Chinese people also cannot tell the difference between Japanese, Korean and (Han) Chinese people. In the same way that most Europeans cannot distinguish between a white person from Germany, a white person from Denmark and a white person from Austria.

In Japan we have many people of 100% Korean or Chinese ancestry (and actual nationality in some cases). There is no way to "tell" who these people are based on their physical appearance.

Bellasorellaa · 06/02/2019 02:43

That teacher is an absolute bellend defo go to the school

PregnantSea · 06/02/2019 03:11

It's isn't shocking so I'm not sure why people are saying that? They've obviously just got their facts mixed up somehow. Maybe there's some other child who can speak Chinese who they've marked down as not being able to.

Just go in and tell them there's been a mistake. I don't think this is a racial issue in any way shape or form.

sashh · 06/02/2019 03:59

How the hell does that work then? Wish it had worked when i was at school I would be bloody brill at languages if it only took a teacher to tell me I could speak it!

Just to slightly derail the thread

My dad was always bad at maths, until, one day in school he got a test back, and the mark was 90%.

After that he was good at maths, even though the teacher noticed the mistake and he hadn't got 90%.

Sometimes an ego boost is all it needs.

OP

Do you think she might have been trying to include something about Lunar New Year? (I was told off by a student who was half Vietnamese for calling it Chinese New Year).

Back to a diversion

As for languages and what they are called, one Indian friend refers to her Punjabi as 'Indian'. another who says Urdu and Hindi are different languages.

As for Jamaican - it's probably a creole at this stage, but it depends on how you define Pidgin, Language and Creole which has as much to do with politics as linguistics.

If anyone is bored have a look at Tik Pisin, its an English based pidgin from Papua New Guinea with wonderful phrases eg:

gras bilong het - hair - literally 'grass belonging to the head
Holim! Raskol! - stop! theif!

QuickSharpSloe · 06/02/2019 05:05

Ignore the EAL comments above, we have an Eastern European surname and I’ve this issue twice in schools.

First my son was given a Polish child to look after and talk to, he doesn’t speak Polish and there’s no one Polish in the family.

Next I saw on the census he was Russian, he’s not and we’re not.

It’s a combination of lazy stereotyping and bumping up EAL numbers. Heritage and EAL are different things, if he has zero exposure to another language he’s not EAL. Many schools will try to bump up numbers for funding or to pad results, but it’s annoying when your child as a result is picked on for example like yours or mine. One day he may be upset or confused by it, just ask to confirm he’s not recorded as EAL

minisoksmakehardwork · 06/02/2019 05:28

Reminds me of this...

Glad you were able to speak to the teacher @TulipDragonfly.

BeenToHarris · 06/02/2019 07:30

TinklyLittleLaugh no.

Hokkien is based on a different interpretation of classical characters and therefore makes no sense when trying to read/write with Mandarin or Cantonese in mind.

MyOtherProfile · 06/02/2019 07:55

@minisoksmakehardwork that's briliant!

Peregrina · 06/02/2019 08:12

What I found irritating was that the teacher, and TA in the other case, didn't listen to what the child was saying, resulting in them acting on incorrect assumptions. This didn't affect OPs DS, but it could have with another child.