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Original poster

School assuming things about my mixed race son

237 replies

TulipDragonfly · 04/02/2019 16:39

DS (5) has come home today. I'm white, his dad is British born Chinese (ie, his parents came over from China, he looks Chinese but was bought up in the UK has never been to China and can't speak Chinese)

Mummy did you know I can speak chinese?

No darling, you can't

Yes I can, my teacher told me I could

But you can't sweetie!

Yes, she looked in her book and told me I could! And so I can!

She got him to speak a bit of Chinese to the whole class - hes such a little people pleaser that he said" I tried to speak Chinese" (he just made some noises mi Ka la ta do hi sa - what he thinks Chinese sounds like) and then she said 'well done'

Wibu to go into the school tomorrow and clear up that he can't speak Chinese, and I'm slightly concerned that they've just made an assumption he can because of what he looks like?

OP posts:
Reallyevilmuffin · 05/02/2019 17:52

Definitely over the line, imagine if she had pulled a black kid up and said he can speak Swahili and got him to make some clicking noises...

MyBreadIsEggy · 05/02/2019 18:02

I’d go in and speak to the teacher - this isn’t ok by any stretch of the imagination.
I’ve got mixed race kids too - I’m white, born to British and Polish parents, DH is Thai. My DCs have been raised speaking English, Polish and Thai at home in a bit of a funky mixture - pretty much whatever language comes out at a particular time, we just go with it!
My kids do look obviously Asian, and I’m worried about them being treated differently when they go to school.

HellishBellish · 05/02/2019 18:08

My DC used to go to school overseas. An Indian friend of mine had a little boy. They had to make self portraits of themselves and the teacher went up to this little boy and told him that his picture wasn't accurate as his skin was darker than that and he had to colour it over. The DC was really upset.

His mum went nuts.

Grace212 · 05/02/2019 18:12

this is mad isn't it

agree the teacher doesn't sound too bright but I would find it baffling as well as upsetting

OP is British and her husband is British

I didn't know the EAL designation existed but it sure as hell doesn't make any sense unless the school are specifically informed about it surely?

I can't imagine how upset I would have been if this happened to me at school. It's all just cementing the idea that if you aren't white, you can't be British.

Coyoacan · 05/02/2019 18:12

Not the same, but this reminds me of a substitute teacher who "taught" my dd's class that Mexicans wear huge sombreros. My dd is Mexican and had been asked to tell the rest of the class about Mexico by more enlightened teachers. The entire class let the teacher make a fool of herself and didn't say a word.

Ferrisbuellersdayoff · 05/02/2019 18:13

Did you talk to the teacher today, OP?

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 05/02/2019 18:13

I'm mixed race and as much as I agree it's an error in the teachers book it's very presumptuous. It's a question I get asked sometimes as an adult so it's a presumption but I can see the point of view that it could err on prejudice.
Either way, you need to have a word with the teacher. Hmm

callmeadoctor · 05/02/2019 18:49

Blimey, how is it a big deal? Teacher may have made a mistake, child may equally have made a mistake! maybe another child had said that your child could speak cantonese/ chinese whatever. Maybe the teacher misheard, maybe they misread the register. Really can't see that its important when there are children dying of starvation in other countries!

Frazzledstar1 · 05/02/2019 18:54

I would go in cautiously in case your son has misunderstood something but definitely say something and if his recount is correct that’s not on!
It could well be a clerical error, my sons school had him marked down as Ghanaian and he is the palest kid you’ve ever seen with blond hair and blue eyes! When I pointed it out to teacher she was baffled lol clearly a wrong box ticked etc. But it does sound like an assumption has been made. Cheeky!

busyhonestchildcarer · 05/02/2019 19:02

If this is correct then the teacher should maybe look at how she stereotypes and stop! I went to pick children up once from a playschool.They had been looking at all things to do with France and asked the kids to dress up so mine went in normal clothes no difference) but when I picked them up the teacher had drawn moustaches on all of them and the teacher had a string of onions round her neck.I wasnt pleased

Lunde · 05/02/2019 19:06

A friend of mine suffered this type of stereotyping when she she moved back to the US. On the basis of her name - Lopez - the school insisted on placing her son in the bilingual Spanish/English class despite her son not speaking a word of Spanish. Then the school complained that her son was not making progress. My friend kept explaining that although her son was bilingual he spoke Swedish and not Spanish. The school refused to accept this and accused her of trying to obscure a learning disability by her "absurd" claims that her (hispanic looking) child could speak Swedish rather than Spanish. Luckily her parents stepped in and offered to may for private school from the start of the next term. However, the teachers were left stunned and having to pick their jaws up from the floor on the last day of term that her Swedish ex attended and it was clear that he was indeed a Swedish speaker.

pollymere · 05/02/2019 19:09

Dd does not look Chinese. It didn't stop her being hauled out every bloomin Chinese New Year. One year a Chinese kid actually whimpered 'why do I need to have my photo taken with her?' as the only two Chinese kids in school!! Teachers mean well. Chinese is DH mother tongue officially but he's far better in English, and dd can only speak it if you remind her just before, other than the Cantonese for mango pudding! 😂 Gung Hei Fat Choi!

Ivegotthree · 05/02/2019 19:12

I think this is a misunderstanding.

I would definitely resist the temptation of taking offence until you know what actually happened. Your son is 5 and his account may not be the correct one.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 05/02/2019 19:17

Maybe the whole class can speak Chinese, our school is certainly doing Chinese New year, they are learning about food, the teacher could easily have taught then hello or goodbye and described the language as Chinese rather than confusing them by saying mandarin or similar. My daughter,5
thinks she can speak French but actually can only say hello, goodbye and a couple of colours.
If the teacher has made that assumption id be surprised and very disappointed to put it mildly

legolammb · 05/02/2019 19:21

Definitely say something. I had similar at school but didn't want to cause a fuss even though it made me uncomfortable being singled out like that as a shy kid, so I didn't tell my parents. Still angry about it years later.

BertrandRussell · 05/02/2019 19:24

“If they have someone speak to them in another language in their family (and have a certain level of contact with them - though not much is needed!) they get put down as EAL.”
I don’t think this is how it works...

BlueJava · 05/02/2019 19:26

Capitalise on his new found enthusiasm and get him in classes to learn - amazing skill to have. Sounds like the school records are wrong "She looked in her book"

zebakrheum · 05/02/2019 19:27

I went to school with a boy whose parents were from Cameroon. He clearly looked African, and (as is common with people from Cameroon where French is spoken) had a French name.

He was born in England, his parents had come to the UK as children and didn't speak French, but the poor boy was put in the top O'level French set despite being useless at languages and not being able to speak a word. The teachers wouldn't accept his protestations at all.

bookmum08 · 05/02/2019 19:27

When my daughter was in Nursery she was obsessed with the Japanese film Ponyo. She learned to sing the song in Japanese by listening to it a million times. She would regularly sing 'in Japanese' to various teachers. She would 'write' Japanese too. Or rather do some squiggles - although she couldn't write in English then either. I remember one of the teachers saying that if she was asked what she had writen she would say in such a serious voice "Oh you can't read it. It's Japanese"!

She is 10 now and trying to actually learn Japanese properly.
(we are totally white British by the way).
I am quite impressed with your son's blagging it on the spot skills. That may be usful in later life!!

HumansCannotEverChangeSex · 05/02/2019 19:30

Did you speak to the teacher op? I find it so cute that he just made it up and totally believes he can speak it. And playing with his toys, it would be so hard not to laugh at him making up this language he is convinced he can speak. Hopefully it’s a simple error and wasn’t coming from any assumptions based on how he looks.

mumsastudent · 05/02/2019 19:36

slightly off point but not completely - a dc I looked after did a drawing of df with purple hair - teacher told her that her father's hair was wrong colour - No it wasn't her df was a rock musician with vivid deep purple locks - dgrandma took photo in to prove it!

carrotflinger · 05/02/2019 19:44

"She looked in her book"
Maybe she has confused ethnicity with EAL - saw "White Chinese" in the "book" and thought it meant he could speak "Chinese".
Is she recently qualified? She might not have "got to grips" with EAL/ethnicity issues yet.
I worked with some people like that in primary schools - absolutely clueless about things like that. Some people seem to need training for all sorts of things which should be common sense.

Have you been in yet OP? I'd just mention it to her when you next see her so that she knows what the score is.

Tjzmummabear · 05/02/2019 19:44

He's dual heritage. Havent Grandparents taught him Mandarin or Cantonese?

Grace212 · 05/02/2019 19:54

Tjz - I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with "heritage". I never met my grandparents btw. It doesn't worry me that I don't speak a language spoken by my ancestors. I'm an English woman, that's it. London is my heritage and my history.

@callmeadoctor "Really can't see that its important when there are children dying of starvation in other countries!" What are you doing on MN, you should be sorting that out, surely?

Grace212 · 05/02/2019 19:55

how far back does this "heritage" thing go? If I find a French great grandparent, am I supposed to be interested in that too?