To get complete rage when my teens are on their phones while watching tv?

[brownmouse]

This gives me the RAGE. Particularly when we are watching something they want to watch: then they are just on the phones scrolling through pictures of nail polishes!!!

I think what gives me the rage is the lack of concentration on a single thing, which I think ultimately is pretty poor for your mental health.

AIBU and want to turn off "their" programmes and watch Great Canal Journeys instead?

"I don't like watching telly without a phone as well. It's not "enough" some how. I'm 40."

I have this as well and I'm 38. I dislike the "mindless sponge" feeling of just soaking in whatever is on, a lot of TV just isn't engaging enough to need or earn my full attention. In fact, I know when a series or a film is good because I do put my phone down to watch it properly!

I also re-watch a lot of favourite TV/films and don't need to be fully watching them to be aware of exactly what is happening and whats on the screen.

There's a definite anti phone/screen bias on MN that seems to be strongly of the view that anything technology based (phones, computer games) is morally weak, I certainly don't agree with that view that anyone on a phone is unengaged or mindless or childish. I find the idea of spending all evening only watching TV with no other stimulation rather horrifying! This also goes hand-in-hand with my vast library as good literature IS stimulating enough to occupy my full attention.

I have adhd and I do this. Before phones It was doodling, flicking a pen on and off, I can't sit still.

I do this a lot. It boils down to the fact that I find my phone (predominantly MN) more interesting than tv.

If I do happen to be engrossed in a programme and the adverts come on, I immediately reach for my phone........I can't stand adverts.

I read while I'm watching TV. I get fidgety just watching without doing anything else. Sometimes I knit/crochet. I'm on my phone and watching True Blood while feeding the baby at the moment.

BrownMouse. Your kids are right, you do sound about 100. (I know they say 80, but they’re young, 80 sounds very old to them).

I understand the irritation of them choosing the program then not seeming to be watching it. My Dad used to do the same, news on (or whatever boring thing he wanted to watch) AND the newspaper. Back in the dark ages when there was ONE TV and mobile phones/laptops etc weren’t even invented, let alone common useage...used to drive me mad. But you know, we were kids so 🤷🏻‍♀️...

It is still annoying when people choose what everyone is watching then appear not to actually be watching it...but these days there are more options and with recording you’re not having to miss what you prefer watching.

It’s the way of the world though.

I’m on my phone or iPad if the TV is on because there’s very little on that’s interesting enough to actually just watch. I can listen and use my phone, iPad, or knit etc at the same time. I record anything I really want to watch and do it when I’m on my own then I’m not wound up about having crap TV on in the background 🤷🏻‍♀️

If we are playing a game though (atvTHEIR request), phones go away. End of. I am not saying ‘Your turn’. ‘Your go’. Etc etc play or don’t, I don’t mind, but if we are playing then I expect you to be paying attention. I will too 🤣😊

You won’t change them, you need to change your actions (out your TV on/go into another room/send them into another room) and/or your mindset. Record what you want, let them choose and enjoy their company and read a book or knit or whatever.

We also do ‘Movies’ we choose to watch a movie together and phones go away. If they don’t want to watch they can go to their rooms - but not sit in the lounge with gadgets. It’s nice for a change, but it wouldn’t happen for crap tv.

I'm 49 and I agree with them. Some people can multitask and process through more than one stream of data at the same time.

In fact it's my preference to do so.

We didn't allow phone addiction and they have grown up managing to watch a film, eat a meal without scrolling.
Tell them one thing or the other, either tv or put phone away.
it's best to start when they first get phones and set your boundaries.

@brownmouse YNBU. It was actually one of my New Years resolutions this year (and I'm mid 30s). I realised I couldn't remember the last time I sat and watched a show from start to finish, without flicking through my phone too. I've been sticking to it quite well, but now I notice my husband half watching / half scrolling and it does gently annoy me for some reason! And I can't quite put my finger on why. But he's a grown man and can do what he likes.

I'm on my phone and watching True Blood while feeding the baby at the moment.

This makes me feel really sad that your eyes are not on your baby. I remember my days of feeding my dc and just staring at each other. I'm glad I didn't have the option of staring at a blaring screen to 'entertain me'. Sorry, not getting at you personally, but this just feels really sad. We are becoming so disconnected and mindless!

I feel the same about DP. he just stares at his phone while we're watching TV. It drives me mad.

And if what you're watching isn't engaging enough in itself, why on earth are you watching it?!

Mine do this and, yes, it does irritate me as I find it hard to believe they can do both at the same time as I certainly can't.

They assure me they can do both and they always seem to know what has happened on the TV so I just ignore it now - they're all over 18 so I can't tell them what to do anymore.

Brownmouse I'm mainly on your side but that comment to a mum feeding is out of order.

I BF both of my Ds's - one fed quickly (5-10 mins) and I used to look at him the whole time becuase it was quick.

My other was a slow gainer and a feed to 45 mins until he wasabout 18 weeks - I still spent plenty of time gazing at him, but also some of the time I might watch TV, or a quick read of MN.

I still have plenty of memories of feeding them both, but what you said could really upset vulnerable new mums in the early days of surviving being sat on the sofa feeding a baby for hours on end.

I do agree with you and agree that the lack of focus in the smart phone generation is a real concern, and it's something I've noticed in myself as my iphone and ipad usage has increased - whereas DH, who hates all that kind of thing, is highly focussed.

However - I watched endless TV when feeding DD as she was a very slow feeded and fed for absolutely ages, and then fell asleep in my arms. Location x 3 and Being Human were my friends (I wonder if there's a connection between breastfeeding and watching hot vampires, I'm sure a psychoanalyst could have a field day with that!).

I find it hard to believe you exclusively stared at your baby for the hours it can take to feed a new baby?

The only thing that stopped me losing my absolute mind in those days were TV, Books and Smartphones. I refuse to be shamed about it. They've all grown up perfectly well adjusted.

Apologies for upsetting anyone with my comments about using a phone while feeding. TBH I find it sad when I see parents out with their young children just staring st the phone all the time. I remember when mine were young and there was a huge fuss about trying to get prams that faced the pusher so you could interact all the time - that would seem entirely pointless these days!

Apologies though if my comment caused upset which I did not intend.

What was on the TV?

I thought you meant were talking on their phone, which would be more than annoying. Scrolling on the internet is fine, what's the difference with looking at a catalogue or painting your nails?

I only watch tv to distract me when I have to do some ironing, never stopped me from getting the plot of whatever movie is on.

Parents used to be mad about children stuck on the only phone of the house for hours, now kids are on the internet. I don't believe things have changed that much

TV is not a valid reason to put your phone away. Meals, days out, just a normal conversation are valid reasons! Then it's rude to look at your screen.

Brownmouse - no worries, and I agree with you when out and about! Although I think it's something i've probably been guilty of in the past. The key is though - keeping it in check - so 30 mins of quality interaction followed by a 5 min breather on your phone whilst you stop for a coffee - fine. But it is hard to stop and that's what I think people need to be mindful of.

There a very few films or tv series that I can't watch if I'm doing something else. In fact most I can follow fairly easily while do two other things, e.g. film + phone + sport

Easy really

Sometimes there is nothing better that reading peoples comments on Twitter whilst you are watching a live programme - Eurovision I'm looking at you

Not a new thing! I have always had a book or magazine on the go while watching telly. My grandfather will watch telly on mute with the subtitles on, listen to the radio and read the newspaper at the same time! And can tell you exactly what is going on in each! Beat that for multi-tasking!

I put my phone down if I’m watching a film with subtitles that’s about it...