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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get complete rage when my teens are on their phones while watching tv?

80 replies

brownmouse · 04/02/2019 09:16

This gives me the RAGE. Particularly when we are watching something they want to watch: then they are just on the phones scrolling through pictures of nail polishes!!!

I think what gives me the rage is the lack of concentration on a single thing, which I think ultimately is pretty poor for your mental health.

AIBU and want to turn off "their" programmes and watch Great Canal Journeys instead?

OP posts:
CharDeeMacDennis · 04/02/2019 09:59

YANBU at all, this would piss me off too. Although I think PPs are posting about crap TV (like GMB for example), which doesn't require proper attention / engagement. For dramas, films, documentaries etc, you should be watching, not pissing about on a phone.

I have been known to passive-aggressively pause the show we're watching and just wait for him to be done if DP gets his phone out (only do this if it's something we both actively enjoy watching together, like Game of Thrones, Fargo, Westworld etc, obviously I don't care what he does if it's just something I'm watching myself).

Boom76 · 04/02/2019 10:02

I do this. I can’t watch a film without googling things about the actor. Height, who they’re partner is, age etc. I’m terrible for it

Walkingdeadfangirl · 04/02/2019 10:05

I think it is phone addiction, pure and simple

Its pretty normal in the 21st century to watch a film/tv whilst on social media discussing the action.
You see an actress wearing a nice dress you google it to see how much it costs. You might want to vote someone off. Maybe tweet a how bad the acting it. Sometimes you dont understand whats happening and need to read the plot.

And god forbid you get a message, what are you supposed to do, wait 90 minutes until you reply, how rude.

Original poster
brownmouse · 04/02/2019 10:09

Maybe tweet a how bad the acting it.

Why on earth would anyone be sufficiently interested in your opinion that you should stop watching a film to tweet that a middle-aged woman in Woking didn't think George Clooney was up to scratch? Are you AA Gill?

OP posts:
Grace212 · 04/02/2019 10:15

I'm 43 and I do this

I do pay attention to stuff that I'm really interested in but if it's a casual watch I often Tweet at the same time. It's fun if your fellow Tweeps are watching the same things. Some hilarious conversations come up. If it's the kind of TV that requires deep concentration, then I don't do it.

also I would never complain that I didn't understand the plot, but most shows and films have a few seconds of not much happening when you can write a quick Tweet or see what others think of it.

Does anyone remember Jamaica Inn? That would have been nothing without Twitter Grin

Grace212 · 04/02/2019 10:16

P.S. I'm spending a lot of time with my mum at the mo, she is 80. I haven't yet brought the phone along when we watch TV as I think she will have the OP view on the situation.

newnameforthis7 · 04/02/2019 10:20

@brownmouse

I see your point OP. I used to feel irked when my DC (now both early to mid 20s,) were piddling around on their phones when we had put a film on for the family to watch. It felt rude and ignorant. I even got them on their phones all day, when we went on day trips. It used to annoy me a lot.

I thought 'we have brought you out on this lovely day trip that's costing us money and time and effort, and you are spending 50-60% of your time on your phone.' They even went batshit one time when we were in a forest, because there was no signal and they had no phone for THREE QUARTERS OF AN HOUR!!! So yeah YANBU to be pissed off!

I still get a bit irked when they come to visit and spend about a third of the time here scrolling through their phones! I feel like 'turn the fecking thing off FFS!'

But I also get that it's an addiction, genuinely. And I know many young people are the same. It's what they have grown up with. So I am cool about it most of the time now....

Probably best that you just kind of go with the flow and try and accept it. Because things aren't going to change. Sorry! Blush

Original poster
brownmouse · 04/02/2019 10:21

Definitely Grace! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
brownmouse · 04/02/2019 10:23

New name: But if you think it's an addiction, isn't it better to point it out and try to reduce it?

I also have a dc in their mid twenties and we let her use her phone as much as she wanted: she is now incapable of holding a conversation without staring at her phone and I really despair for her.

OP posts:
bigKiteFlying · 04/02/2019 10:24

I even got them on their phones all day, when we went on day trips. It used to annoy me a lot.

Not had that yet - they may have a phone for train journey bit but they're better than DH with waiting for meals as they seem to want to talk to us.

Though I don't allow screens at meal times so maybe there just applying that despite DH behavior.

Grace212 · 04/02/2019 10:25

OP, definitely my mum would have the same view, or definitely Jamaica Inn would not have been the same? Grin

I am debating moving in with my mum after dad died....so if it crosses out of "visiting" territory then she will have to accept me being on my phone during some TV shows. Mum's neighbours recently had their adult DC round for dinner and apparently everyone was just on their phones...I was saying, that's family life now I think...I don't have DC so I don't know.

I wouldn't say I have phone addiction, I don't use it during The Really Important TV Shows Grin

Grace212 · 04/02/2019 10:26

@brownmouse "she is now incapable of holding a conversation without staring at her phone and I really despair for her."

is she incapable or is it just that she doesn't want to?

Floralnomad · 04/02/2019 10:32

I’m in my early 50s and I don’t think I can remember the last time I watched tv without also being on my iPad at the same time and I never miss any vital bits of programmes .

newnameforthis7 · 04/02/2019 10:42

@brownmouse

Oh I have pointed it out (that it's an addiction) numerous times. (Over the past 10 years!)

But they ignore me. So I just let them get on with it. They're adults (in their 20's) Not much I can do about it. And most young people are the same (addicted to their phones/the internet.)

Not great, but what can you do? Sad

As I said, you just need to chill IMO.

newnameforthis7 · 04/02/2019 10:42

As for your teen not wanting to talk at all sometimes. That's most teenagers I'm afraid.......... It will pass.

VallarMorghulis · 04/02/2019 11:01

Yes! I had this conversation with my teen last night. Three friends of his there, we're watching a movie it took a long time to decide on, and they are all on their phones...

My son's final argument: "if I want to be on my phone while watching a film, you can't stop me. Besides it doesn't harm you so mind your own business..."

Fair enough but grrrr... I get it OP! Angry

VallarMorghulis · 04/02/2019 11:06

I'll add that it's fine if it's some tv show that doesn't need your full attention, then I do it too, but for a movie I think it's better to concentrate, you miss half the pleasure of the cinematography if you don't actively watch it. After all you wouldn't dream of doing it at the cinema (or at least I hope so, if you do I hope someone complains and you get told off)

Original poster
brownmouse · 04/02/2019 11:09

EXACTLY VH: it's definitely doing this during films that gives me the biggest rage. Films they've have chosen. But then can't concentrate for... it probably took ten years to put together! It's a work of art! You chose the bloody thing and now you are scrolling through shite on instagram!

OP posts:
Mishappening · 04/02/2019 11:12

I do it too.

Seriously, they are not taking drugs, battering old ladies over the head, getting drunk etc. - save your battles is the rule with teenagers. If you blow your top over this, what are you going to do when one comes home pregnant or stoned?!

They have reached an age when they can make their own decisions - you do not have to like those decisions.

Butteredghost · 04/02/2019 11:40

For dramas, films, documentaries etc, you should be watching, not pissing about on a phone.

Who says you "should" be? It's TV, not an exam. It's for enjoyment. There's no right or wrong way to watch TV.

GhostsToMonsoon · 04/02/2019 11:53

I can't do that continuous partial attention thing. If I try to use my phone when the TV is on, I miss what's happening. But then I'm not a teen.

blackteasplease · 04/02/2019 11:56

I don't like watching telly without a phone as well. It's not "enough" some how. I'm 40.

Original poster
brownmouse · 04/02/2019 12:02

I don't like watching telly without a phone as well. It's not "enough" some how. I'm 40.

How do you cope at the cinema???

All these people on their phones: there is no WAY you are taking in all the details of a film, or that you will propely remember it.

I really do worry about people...

OP posts:
Grace212 · 04/02/2019 12:04

Documentaries are often the worst for repeating themselves and filling time with random crap. It's doc 101 isn't it - tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, then repeat it!

For drama, watching "Cleaning Up" - wouldn't be on my phone because that's really well paced and I need to pay attention.

Tonight going to watch "Australia" (film) with mum and I've seen it before, but I'm always fascinated by scripts and direction etc so I will watch that without my phone and would do so even if she wasn't with me.

but I did watch Winterwatch with my phone. They are often just chatting.

anyway, not saying there's right and wrong for TV or film, just that we are all different.

Grace212 · 04/02/2019 12:05

OP "I really do worry about people..."

cross post. There's an awful lot to worry about with people, but this isn't something to worry about!