To tell my friend her husband is on a dating app?

[KarmaKhameleon]

I'm devastated for her but need some perspective as I cannot decide what to do. I'm divorced, but only just getting into the idea of dating again, so recently joined a dating app on Friday night. One of the first matches was with a good friend's husband.

It was a photo he has used before eg on his LinkedIn profile, but he had altered his name. Given correct age.

What would you do? Would you confront him? Tell her? Do nothing? I have been round and round in circles. I'm trying to think of a reason why it could all be entirely innocent...could/would someone have used his picture to create their own profile without him knowing? I'm so new to all this that I don't have any sensible or plausible excuses for him! Is he just a cheating scumbag?

They have two children and have always appeared rock solid and happy. He is very successful and high flying media exec who travels a lot.

Over to you! Anyone been in any kind of similar situation please who can help?

Came across one of my husbands married friends on an app (was going through an app with a single friend), Id only met his wife a few times so no way in hell did I say anything. If a good friend I’d say something otherwise I wouldn’t.

I do wonder how dumb certain people are to cheat via an online app where anyone can come across you.

I would take a screen shot and explain in person as PP suggested.

First I would look online (reverse image search) to see if his photo is there for another reason.

If not, it's very, very unlikely that it's been stolen.

Who are these idiots anyway, who are married and posting their photo on a dating app?

Make a fake account and message him to see if it’s old/not him.

Someone used my picture before on dating website & I know other people it has happened to. It could be entirely innocent.

I’d probably take a screenshot & show her

Please tell her.
I disagree with the PP's saying to play innocent and just mention it in front of both of them, because A) it gives him an immediate get out clause and B) It's a horrible position to put her in and she'll be very uncomfortable and shocked.

You don’t have to say he’s cheating ( you don’t actually know he is) you just say his photo is on the site. What happens after that will depend on what the truth actually is. I generally do not believe in telling random people this kind of information but if she was my friend I would tell her - phone or in person? Hard to say.... she might not want to be upset in front of someone but she’s your friend so you no doubt know her better than any of us.

Exactly OnlyFools, this man is hugely tech savvy and is very very senior and influential in his industry. It just doesn't make sense that someone like him would take a risk like this! I would have honestly thought it'd be far easier for him to book 'room service' - ahem - whilst on a work trip if all he was interested in was a shag. This is where I start to question if someone is using his picture.

But then I agree with the majority of you who say to tell her. God, I'd want someone to do that for me should I ever get married again!

I don't know anything about online dating so this may sound like a silly question.

How are there so many threads like this on MN? I mean, is it because these men live in the same area, so that narrows down the chances of seeing them on the app?

If someone has stolen that picture it has to be online somewhere.

And vice versa.

Could you set up a conversation with him to see what he comes out with?

I’d screenshot for evidence. Then I would message him and say that you have a very good friend who would be interested in a date and give his wife’s name. Tell him he has until the end of the week to tell her because then you will. Don’t reply to anything he says after that and tell your friend.

The thing is that if it's a fake account, he needs to know and if it's not, she needs to know.

I agree with everyone saying 'screen shot' because they always deny!

And I like the suggestion of telling him in front of her in a "is it fraud?' way.

Like you, I'd hate myself if I didn't say anything.

Message her "omg someone is using your DH's photo on their online dating profile"

I'd want to know. I'm married, happily, I think, and I would want to know. Because if DH had no idea, we could report it, work it out and get things back on track, and if DH was a scumbag I'd rather be without him.

My daughter’s school friend’s mum took a screenshot of my (now ex)h on Tinder & sent it to me. I will be forever grateful to her.

Exactly what @CatnissEverdene said.
You do need to tell her if you actually want to stay friends!

Take a screen shot, meet her for a coffee and gently tell her. She’ll feel far worse if she finds out and she also finds out you knew.

Suggesting your pretend think it's fraudulent just gives him an out so I don't think that's the best way to go. It's not OPs issue to manage, all she has to do is tell this lady then leave what she decides to do, up to her.

So he’s well known in his industry and the picture is from his LinkedIn? His pic could therefore be on any number of professional websites, news sites etc. It is entirely plausible it has been used by someone else in order to catfish.

I would definitely raise it with your friend but you actually don’t have any facts here, so you should do as pp have suggested and take the line that you suspect his photo has been stolen. Let her do the detective work, he’s her husband not yours.

Either way she needs to know. He's either cheating or someone is using his pictures.

My DP is in the same industry and has his pictures taken of him and also of him and us together and used to create fake accounts on various websites. It does happen.

I'd tell her and then let her decide on how to handle it.

If the Birthday is the same then it's more likely it could be him?

Get them at a time where they are together and show them a screen shot. Tell them either he's a freaking asshole or someone has stolen his picture online. You could make it sound slightly jokey but concerned. His reaction will no doubt be telling.