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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not send my boy to school

83 replies

Clairaloulou · 03/02/2019 18:20

My DS has brittle asthma and a blood disorder. He has symptoms every day and he is more unwell that not at the mo. He has been in hospital very poorly, with confirmed flu (positive test result - I say this because so many people say they have flu but it's a heavy cold), a secondary bacterial chest infection and it has triggered his asthma. He was on oxygen for 36 hours, hourly nebulisers, oxygen levels 87% without oxygen. We got out of hosp on weds. Tamiflu, antibiotics steroids etc etc. His asthma has settled now and he's over the flu symptoms, still cough, white as a sheet and wiped out. He seemed to have perked up so we came out for tea, but he's completely done in now, asleep in the car both ways and has gone straight up to bed to watch tv. He started being poorly a week ago thu night so he had fri off and then the whole of last week off school.

I'd originally said to school he'd be back on mon (tomorrow) but now I'm worried I'm pushing him too hard. I don't want to risk making him poorly again, but I'm conscious he's had lots of time off already. Part of me thinks bugger school, his health is more important. But on the other hand he struggles with school with dyslexia and a few other bits and bobs.

Id appreciate other people's thoughts please Smile

OP posts:
Clairaloulou · 03/02/2019 19:40

Forgot to say, school are very supportive, they know we live in a shit situation and do everything they can to support us.

OP posts:
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 03/02/2019 19:41

I would absolutely keep him home. You haven't said how old/how much pressure you are under but I would trust your gut and do what is best for your boy.

My DD suffered terribly with tonsillitis and I felt so much pressure to get her back -in hindsight a day or two more at home to get properly better would have helped prevent more illness. It shattered her immune system-she was always sickening and struggling in, then home and then under pressure to get her back too soon-a vicious cycle.

Poing · 03/02/2019 19:43

Similar story with asthma here. I spoke to Dc's teacher at the beginning of school about the possibility of missing weeks of school due to asthma and hospitalisations during winter. DC's teacher said we could drop by the school and pick up school-work for DC and work through it at home. Is this something you could do, too?

MumUnderTheMoon · 03/02/2019 19:43

Perhaps you could get in touch with education welfare and see what they could suggest.

Cafetiere · 03/02/2019 19:44

Def keep him home
I have dc with health issues and low attendance we always make sure they recover from anything fully before sending back to school

strawberrypenguin · 03/02/2019 19:47

Keep him home. He doesn't sound well enough to manage a day at school yet.

whatswithtodaytoday · 03/02/2019 19:49

He needs to stay at home and recover properly. When I had flu I was off work for two weeks, and that was as a healthy adult in my early 30s, with no other complications. It took another few weeks to really feel like myself again.

Absolutely have him do some school work later in the week as he starts to perk up, but it sounds like he needs a few days of rest first.

trinity0097 · 03/02/2019 19:49

Don’t send him in, but agree a phased return is what is necessary. Make sure it includes a break time so he can interact with his mates.

WhiteDust · 03/02/2019 19:52

Not a chance would I send him in. Schools are full of coughs and colds at the moment and he hasn't recovered fully. It's great he can perk up for a few hours and get out but he is still recovering and it sounds like he's very up and down.
School can wait.

SandunesAndRainclouds · 03/02/2019 19:54

No way. Turn the alarm clock off and plan nothing other than rest days for both of you. He needs time to recover and get his strength back.

expatmigrant · 03/02/2019 19:54

Teacher here too. Keep him home until he's fully recovered, especially with this horrible weather at the mo.
Get him to do the work the school sends home for him, but also have a look at some online learning pages. There are some really good ones that will be fun for him to do if he gets bored .

BIgBagofJelly · 03/02/2019 20:00

Is there any way you can afford a tutor OP? Or get involved in home ed groups even if he isn't permanently home-ed? Sounds like you're doing a great job for your son OP! He's a lucky boy!

MaegorT · 03/02/2019 20:01

Nah, sod it, keep him home. He'll be able to catch up when he's better.

Onandonandons · 03/02/2019 20:03

Definitely keep him home.

dementedma · 03/02/2019 20:04

agree keep him home. I missed loads of school as a child due to asthma and bronchitis but still went on to higher ed etc. He can do bits at home and online, but really needs to rest and sleep and get well. School cn wait.

Goldmandra · 03/02/2019 20:12

If a child misses more than 15 days of school (they don't have to be consecutive) due to a health condition and the parent can provide evidence of the health condition, they are entitled to home tutoring to prevent them fragments falling behind. The home tutors should work with the school to make sure he is covering the same work as his classmates.

You can find more in the SEND code of practice which is easy to find and download by googling.

pollyglot · 03/02/2019 20:13

Definitely don't send him to school! Brittle asthma is not to messed with. Best of luck!

Jezzifishie · 03/02/2019 20:24

Do you have access to a Hospital Education service, or similar? Might be something to look into, the one in my area does hospital bedside tuition and home visits. I think it's only an hour a day, but it provides work to be getting on with and a chance to ask any questions.

kateandme · 03/02/2019 20:35

wow deff not.he obviously still a very poorly boy.please don't.
maybe its time to have achat with the school.what do you think?
so he doesn't lose leanring or the fun social side of school perhaps you could discuss how to go about this with him being ongoing poorly?
so could he go in for shorter times.or certain half days.and then have lesson work to catch up on at home.
how old is he?could he get some home help or a mate bring round some work notes?

kateandme · 03/02/2019 20:42

just seen your update.oh op sounds really tough.your doing a brilliant job.
I think you should seek more help though.not because you aren't doing great but because you deserve more support.
its really tough being in those years at school.they can feel so massively important.but he is important,his health is.and it can make it even worse to think life is haltered and changed by re accurant illness but its how it is so its how to work through it so he can be the best he can be with curret circumstances.he can still be a little star :D

Gooseygoosey12345 · 03/02/2019 20:43

Don't send him. I had actual flu (not a bad cold) too and I was laid up for near on 2 weeks and still felt rotten long after that. That's as an adult with no asthma etc. Keep him off til he's really better, he will catch up in the grand scheme of things and if you're worried ask his teacher to send some activities for you to do with him. You don't want him picking up something else because he's immune system is low after being poorly. His health is definitely more important, bugger school.

Fundays12 · 03/02/2019 20:45

I wouldn’t his health is way more important.

MumW · 03/02/2019 21:05

Themfirst time I had proper flu, I was in my 2nd year at Uni. After five days, I was feeling better so went back to lectures. Big mistake, wasn't well after all and ended up,havimg nearly another fortnight in bed. I didn't have asthma or other health issues.

Keep him off. Talk to school about phased return amd some work for home so he doesn't get too far behind.

Hope he feels better soon.

CloserIAm2Fine · 03/02/2019 21:09

Don’t send him, if he’s wiped out after going out for tea he won’t cope with a full day at school. He’s been seriously ill, he needs time at home in the warm away from the germ factory that is a primary school!

Ask the teacher what literacy stuff you can do with him at home if he struggles with that, so you can help him not fall behind. I appreciate teachers haven’t time to set work for kids who are taken out of school for holidays or who are just missing the odd day or two, but a prolonged absence due to medical issues is different.

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 03/02/2019 21:11

Teacher here ... No to school. Keep him near you xxx

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