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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being probed about toddlers bumps and tumbles in an accusatory manner.

59 replies

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 20:45

DS is 12 months and has been toddling since 11 months, he runs around (well tries to) so he has alot of tumbles and bumps which is to be expected of a toddler, surely?

One relative (who has no experience of toddlers or children at all for that matter) is forever commenting when he has a bump on his head, a mark or a little bruise from catching himself on the coffee table / tv unit etc. He's a boisterous little boy and does trip up several times a day as he tries to be fast on his feet.

It's starting to feel accusatory and I'm beginning to feel offended and annoyed, its as though they think we're deliberately pushing him over or god forbid hitting him. They haven't said as much but their inquisions stink of judgement.

I sent them a sweet photo of DS laid with his teddy bear today and he has a small bump on his head, the response was "oh I see he's had another accident" and started insinuating we shouldn't let him nap after he's had a bump to the head. He banged it yesterday ffs and it was a total non event.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? Would you be?

OP posts:

minipie · 02/02/2019 20:52

I’d be annoyed too OP as it’s not really their place is it.

On the other hand it might be worth adapting/childproofing a bit more till he’s steadier eg we removed the coffee table at this age and put foam pads on a few things.

Original poster

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 20:56

We've got foam pads on the corners of furniture but he's got a habit of pulling himself up the middle of the wooden t.v. unit and bumping his head as he does.

Our place is tiny and we don't have anywhere else to store the coffee table but i agree that getting rid of it isn't a bad idea.

I'm sure they mean well and I may be being a little sensitive but it feels very undermining that they make comments all of the time.

OP posts:

bluerody · 02/02/2019 21:03

My SIL did this, every time I saw her she would point out what was wrong with my child. She's a twat, I don't speak to her anymore.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 02/02/2019 21:05

Your family member is unreasonable as fuck.

WonderTweek · 02/02/2019 21:05

Oh I remember those days! My boy was ridiculously accident prone and always had bruises on his face despite me childproofing the whole house and never letting him out of my sight. There was a time when he was standing next to a radiator and managed to bump his head on it despite me actually holding him up with both hands! Our neighbours had a baby the same age and they used to constantly comment on my son, and there was a time when they were particularly focussed on pointing out all the little bruises whenever we ran into them. The dad sometimes went "oh gosh, my wife would kill me if my son had a bruise like that". 🙄 I think some babies tumble more than others but as long as you're satisfied that you're doing all you can to keep them safe then just keep calm and carry on. 😊 They bruise mega easily but also heal really quickly, and this stage shouldn't last that long. We went through a couple of months of falls when be was learning to walk but when he got the hang of it he was fine.

minipie · 02/02/2019 21:08

Ah ok. Yes they always find the one thing you can’t childproof! I swear DD managed to injure herself on a wall one day ...

I think you just have to say confidently to the relative “this is normal at this age, it’s all minor and he’ll bang himself less in a few months”. Hopefully they”ll back off.

Original poster

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 21:16

I sent them a link which detailed how and why toddlers were accident prone, they then replied to say that they weren't being funny with me or having a go they just hate to see him hurt.

I said yes that's fine I'm just showing you that it's completely normal and to be expected with a toddler.

They attempted to lighten the conversation and said if they were me they'd probably try diving in front of him every time he tripped so he could land on me.

I'm seven months pregnant

OP posts:

Original poster

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 21:19

Would they bollocks by the way. They don't leave their sofa unless it's to use the toilet or get food

OP posts:

whatsthepointthen · 02/02/2019 21:24

Ive had this with strangers, my son fell and hurt his eye it leaded to a massive black eye. When I took him out a woman approached me and said aggressiveky “What happened to his eye?!” I ignored her and walked off, another woman who must have seen what happened approached me and asked if I was ok and she shouted over “dont speak to her shes a bitch!” It was shocking. I was approached by 3 different people that day asking for an explanation.

TheLostTargaryen · 02/02/2019 21:24

I'd tell them they shouldn't bother commenting until they've had a toddler of their own.

Tbh my three didn't really have many bumps and scrapes at all but I wouldn't blink an eye seeing another toddler covered in them. Small people are crazy sometimes.

user1493413286 · 02/02/2019 21:29

It sounds like they didn’t mean to make you feel that way but I do know how you feel. My childminder used to record every bump and bruise on my DD (which I know is procedure etc and I’m not criticising her for) but I did feel quite put on the spot having to explain every bump especially as DD was learning to walk at that stage and could climb before she could walk so had a fair few tumbles

LovingLola · 02/02/2019 21:29

Stop sending photos

Original poster

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 21:32

It is really frustrating that people feel the need to comment isn't it.

I've had a stranger tell me to put some shoes on my (then not mobile) baby because his feet will get cold it was summer time

I've had one tell me he was crying because he's hungry he was teething

I think it gets to me more that it's a relative and gives me the impression they have little faith in my ability to parent.

No health professional has ever batted an eyelid or said anything at all, but somebody who's never had a toddler in their care for all but an hour apparently knows it all.

OP posts:

minipie · 02/02/2019 21:33

It does sound like they didn’t mean to offend you and it just came out wrong. And they are now unfortunately digging themselves further into the hole they have dug! Give them another chance.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 02/02/2019 21:35

Well my nine month old chose when I was changing her older brothers nappy on the deep pile rug right next to her, to stand up for the first time. Of course she was so shocked by what she had done that she immediately fell down, landing awkwardly and causing a hairline fracture of her wrist! I felt so awful, thankfully the consultant was lovely as was my health visitor but I felt so judged by everyone else!

Funnily enough she was cruising the furniture within a few days and actually started walking before ten months. By 12 months she was running everywhere. I babyproofed everything but still couldn’t stop her from breaking her wrist.

Original poster

Bangersandmash1 · 02/02/2019 21:39

I think it's nigh on impossible to prevent every single bump fall and tumble, anybody who can deserves a medal.

I'm not going to fall out with them over it, more like roll my eyes and sigh inwardly. It's not worth arguing over it just gets on my wick.

I wouldn't dream of commenting if it were somebody else's child and there was nothing to suggest they weren't being looked after properly but I guess some people feel more entitled to comment than others.

OP posts:

Siameasy · 02/02/2019 21:49

They’re projecting their own fears as well. They sound like they’re very sedentary, scared of exercise probably-you know the types who are always like oooh be careful and almost seem to imply exercise is dangerous. When being inert is actually more dangerous

GottaLoveAnOtter · 02/02/2019 21:53

Having a 3 year old whirlwind who still literally trips over his own feet and was very bump prone as a smaller toddler our saviour was plumbing pipe insulation foam. It went on the edges of the glass TV unit and glass table. Cheap fix and very effective.

www.diy.com/departments/climaflex-pipe-lagging-dia-15mm/5413257001143_BQ.prd

ReaganSomerset · 02/02/2019 21:55

they weren't being funny with me or having a go they just hate to see him hurt.

Yes, because you don't mind at all when he gets hurt.

I'd be quite ticked off too, OP. Mine isn't walking yet, but with my anxiety, relatives responding like this would be very upsetting.

SweetAsSpice · 02/02/2019 21:59

DS's forehead was basically one entire bruise for a few months. Walked early. Entire house was covered in some sort of foam. His forehead would still seek the danger.

Don't send them any more photos. Keep doing what you're doing. Wobbly toddlers get faster. And more wobbly. Then suddenly, they balance. Mostly.

headinhands · 02/02/2019 21:59

I'd just say you'd thrown him down the stairs. 🤪

MitziK · 02/02/2019 21:59

Just for balance, I wish somebody had been brave enough to question the number of bruises and bumps I and my brother got as a child.

The majority of them were not accidental.

MitziK · 02/02/2019 22:00

I did get shoved down the stairs and knocked out on one occasion. I was 4.

whatsthepointthen · 02/02/2019 22:00

My sister said I should stop my dd from getting hurt so much (she falls and bruises herself alot) shes 20 months am I suppose to carry her around and never let her walk?! this child trips over her own shadow!

gamerchick · 02/02/2019 22:03

God I remember this stage with all of mine. I was seriously considering some sort of bandaged crash helmet. Cushions all down on the floor from the settees but they still manged to bang heads on the teeny tiny bit of floor showing.

Tell your family member she's welcome to babysit for an afternoon if its so easy maybe

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