DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

@bethy15 I don't think you understood my post. My point is that nowhere has OP stated that this woman is 'just' FILs girlfriend so I don't know where people are getting that from. She has clearly said several times that she is her partners step mum.

I consider myself reasonable, calm and rational.....but this women is OUTRAGEOUS. I’d never let her alone with DC every again.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer

Op stated

DP's father lives with her

She is fils gf

From OP's post yesterday at 1511:

To those of you who have asked about gf opinion, he said he's staying out of it. I suspect he knows his wife is in the wrong, but he follows her blindly and wouldn't say a bad word against or to her.

SM would appear to be FIL's wife.

Oh my god, I am absolutley fuming for you! She is seriously out of order! I would go round to her house amd demand the lock of hair, and tell her to fuck off aswell.

Yikes! I would never let this woman near my child again. In fact I would never speak to her again.

Funnily enough your not being ott . In actual fact cutting someone's hair without consent is considered assault . Obviously this isn't assault just shitty behaviour but I'd be furious

Just awful. Why did she recognise saving a lock for herself as a keepsake but not for you. Livid I would be and would tell DP SM that I consider what she did to be an assault. Having hair cut doesn't make it grow for goodness sake, it's dead like nails. I am fuming for you!

She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me.

She took your child to have her hair cut without your consent? And it's her VERY FIRST cut? And she says the lock from that first cut is hers, and not yours?

Oh my God. I think the fact you're wondering if you are over-reacting speaks volumes about the kind, nice woman you are.

All the hairdressers around here have a special thing made of the first cut, with locks given out. Some even give certificates. It's a rite of passage, like the first pair of real shoes, and your partner's SM simply wanted to have it for herself, clearly. And the hat and instant apologies, followed by refusing to hand the lock over, rather proves as much.

It was in a tiny glass box in front of a photo of dd on the fireplace. After a very heated conversation (and her telling me to fuck off) I swiped the box and left. She saw me do it, she tried to grab my arm and say ' put that back'. I snatched my arm away and said 'she's MY daughter'. She asked for the glass box back at least, because the box it self belongs to her. I didn't object to this, I took the lock of hair out and handed her the box.

For example at 8 weeks old she told me I was killing dd by breastfeeding her. Breastfeeding is apparently not enough to live off.

Bluntly, she's an arsehole. Her poor husband has my deep sympathies - imagine having to live with her!

I'm really, really sorry OP. There are so many lovely firsts ahead of you, so don't be too sad on this one. But the woman in question has behaved horribly badly. And from all accounts, that's no aberration, but who she is.

YANBU. That’s not her place to do that & wholly unacceptable.

Omg how awful!, my son has long curly hair and always gets comments from family that he looks like a girl and it should be cut. I have expressed I don't want this as me and my son both love his hair so I'd be furious if someone I trusted to take care of my child did this.

I think it goes deeper than just a hair cut!, I think it's more about authority. I'd be demanding that lock of hair and she'd never be trusted with my child ever again.

I would go absolutely batshit crazy. Some things are sacred and for parents only!

YANBU! This is shocking.

What does your DP say?

Am a mum and a granny ...I know my boundaries with regard to my grandsons and try and always think back to when my mother in law interfered ..I will not do anything without approval,incase it is the wrong thing and a haircut Is dangerous territory for getting it wrong let alone a first one .I amsorry for you . that’s shocking and v sad . She needs telling fair and square how serious it is..it’s not just the hair cut but the lack of consideration for you as a mother and I wonder what else would she think is acceptable ..

YANBU- I would be really annoyed.

I would be blowing my top too, is she a penny short of a shilling? She sounds a bit weird to do all of this knowing that it could have dire consequences for her, ie cut off all ties. It's just the oddest behaviour unless she is a narcissist and does everything she wants to do without thinking of anybody but herself. Could you ring the hairdresser and ask what the SM's instructions were? I can't believe that any hairdresser would cut the hair so short. On that basis of what they tell you, would have strong words with the SM and cut off al contact. Just a small point, What does your daughter think of the hair cut?

ButterflyWitch I am actually with you and thought assault but then thought I was over reacting!!
FoxandtheHoundMy eyes popped out when I read she was keeping the only curl!!
The first cut my son had I kept locks for everyone inc one each for each birth parent, sadly his was never curly just a gorgeous golden blonde.
I would demand the curl back off her and refuse contact with her afterwards

I just read this on the daily email and felt I had to reply! It's so utterly out of order. Don't ever speak to this woman again!

This really doesn't need the police for God's sake - they have quite enough to do, but behaviour like this is beyond belief. It is outrageous to take someone else's child and cut their hair! I worked with small children and one little girl got her hair caught in another child's coat button and for all our efforts we could not get it free. This involved a tiny strand of hair but I still insisted we must ring the mother and let her know before we cut it. I would tell this woman in no uncertain terms that you are very angry with her actions and unless she can assure you she will NEVER take it upon herself to do anything so drastic with your child's appearance then she won't be looking after her alone. She obviously felt shifty as she left quickly - not to mention putting a hat on the child! What might she think of next that would be a good idea? Tattoos? Earrings?

This is crazy! I would be absolutely livid

something as personal as a hair cut is for the parents to decide not anyone else she was way out of order and when the hairdresser was cuttin too much off she was there why didnt she stop it nothing she can do can put this right she would not be having my child again whats next taking her for ear piercing? a tattoo? shudder to think

If it was a joke, wouldn't it be MIL took her for haircut?

I'm gobsmacked - YADNBU. I'm so glad you got a lock of her hair, the first hair cut is a big deal anyway and it's the sense of entitlement to your DD's hair that I just can't understand. It's absolutely batshit.

Years ago, my DM cut DS1's fringe ("It's getting in his eyes!" It wasn't.) a week before school photos: I was livid. He has super curly hair, and she would wet it and cut his fringe straight across so it would look horrendous for weeks and weeks afterwards. I ended up stuck in a loop of if I didn't trim it quick enough, she'd be in there with the scissors and it would make me silently rage yet again, so he always had a really short fringe and it looked a bit odd. I shouldn't have put up with it, but I did, partly to spare her feelings because she's my DM and because I didn't want to upset her. She picked him up from nursery while I worked and I didn't have another option at the time. I think she always thought I didn't notice when she'd done it.

I've got my own back with DS2 though - his hair is really long and blonde and gorgeous and she knows there's nothing she can do about it because it'd be way too obvious if she attacked his hair with scissors

YANBU I would be so upset too. Having her hair cut without your permission is bad enough but not to save a lock of hair for you is so thoughtless. Maybe she was so horrified by what she had done she wasn't thinking straight, but the very least she could do it give you the curl she had saved for herself- how would she have felt had SM been in your position.