Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate cannabis?

59 replies

Dunin · 01/02/2019 19:46

I’m not a smoker and never have been but I live with one. He’s a “recreational” user but I find his moods unpredictable (when he’s not smoking) and he has weird/paranoid thoughts/feelings. It’s very hard to have a normal adult conversation with him. Grumpy one minute, high the next (when smoking). Does anybody else (non smoker) live with a smoker? How do you feel about it? How does it impact your relationship? Wondering if I’m BU to hate it and wondering if I’m OTT about it and it’s impact?

OP posts:
Ragnarthe · 01/02/2019 19:47

YANBU

Hugglessnuggles · 01/02/2019 19:48

This won’t help but-i don’t think you are being unreasonable to leave him. I would never live with someone who smoked it for recreational purposes. You are already seeing the effects of smoking it paranoia etc, it will only get worse.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2019 19:48

Then leave.

Why do you tolerate it ? He sounds rubbish.

TabbyCat44 · 01/02/2019 19:49

Yanbu, I couldn't live with a stoner.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 01/02/2019 19:49

I hate it too, I hate how people become paranoid, reclusive and lethargic. I know many people say it is not as dangerous as alcohol, but most people I know are only social drinkers, whereas smokers use daily.

erja · 01/02/2019 19:53

I'm for it being legalised to be honest, it's less dangerous than alcohol by a mile. But to me it should be treated like alcohol, when you have a night off (no children anywhere in the house) maybe once a month - same as going out and having drinks. I wouldn't have a DP who smoked everyday or even every other day or was at a point where they were dependent on it - and what you described sounds like dependency and not 'recreational use'.

nomoremrsniceguy · 01/02/2019 19:53

I did live with a smoker, it wasn't a big deal at first bit over the years it turned into a massive issue. Rolling joints at 9am was normal for him. Paranoid thoughts, grumpiness if he didnt have any weed. He would smoke in front of the kids habitually. He couldn't see what the big deal was at all. It drove me daft worrying about the safeguarding issues in my own home never mind the constant pull to go home when we were out anywhere so he could have a smoke. Eventually I got myself in a position to manage financially & practically without him and threw him out. Such a relief, don't miss him one bit. From my experience the issues only het worse with time.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 01/02/2019 19:54

I can’t stand the smell of it when walking around and I catch a whiff of i, it makes me feel nauseous. There’s nothing on this earth that would convince me to spend time with anybody who smokes the stuff, let alone live with someone who does.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 01/02/2019 20:00

I never got on with it. I found it made me restless and skin crawly and paranoid rather than chilled and hungry like all my peers. So I stopped using it long before they all grew out of it. I didn't mind if they rolled a joint in front of me so long as they didn't want me to participate. Would have been different if I'd been a parent in those circumstances I guess. Even my most "dedicated" friend gave up when her children were babies.

vengefuldog · 01/02/2019 20:03

I hate it too. Smokers are always so convinced it's not addictive Hmmbut in my experience they're awful when they don't have it and will beg, borrow and steal to find a way to get some. It makes people awful to be around and especially awful to live with.
If it can be enjoyed occasionally I don't see the problem with it, but when it's a daily habit it's just disgusting.

dragonsfire · 01/02/2019 20:04

Did he smoke before you lived with him?

If so why did you agree to live with him? If not then you need to move out.

Either way you need to leave this relationship your not happy and he won’t change!

Ragwort · 01/02/2019 20:06

I wouldn’t tolerate it, did he use cannabis before you met? If yes, why did you move in together?

C0untDucku1a · 01/02/2019 20:08

Leave him. He isnt what you want.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 01/02/2019 20:08

If its a big deal for you, it's a big deal for your relationship. It doesn't matter whether some other people would be fine with it or not. It's not right for you and you don't have to talk yourself out of that. Fwiw, I wouldn't stay in a relationship with that dynamic - I would find a paranoid, lethargic partner wearing.

One of my friends has a weed issue and one of the saddest things about it is that she no longer trusts her own feelings. She knows she gets paranoid and anxious, or ignores things which actually are important, or worries that she's fucked up her life, because of the weed. So she never knows if she is paranoid about someone or actually right that they don't like her, or if she really did piss someone else off, or what is important. She basically just circles back to "feelings can't be trusted" so she never really knows how she actually feels. And then all she wants to do is get stoned to ignore it. It must be really awful.

NotHeightyButMighty · 01/02/2019 20:10

I have the T-shirt for this one, EH was smoker and I vowed not to get involved with another. Idle, moody, quit jobs, crap sleeper, depressive.

Fast forward a year and got with a smoker who 'needed a reason' to stop but I found out when I was pregnant that he hadn't stopped at all when the house got raided. Liar, abusive, impulsive, head in the sand, aggressive, depressive.

Now a single mother (happily!) who again vows to stay away from drug users. Please get out now before he gets you in a pile of debt and makes you realise he loves the drugs more than he loves you.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 01/02/2019 20:10

I’m in Canada, where it was legalised in October. Nothing has changed.

Patroclus · 01/02/2019 20:11

Stoned people are the dullest people you could imagine.

OddBoots · 01/02/2019 20:18

He sounds a nightmare to live with, he might still be a nightmare without the drugs but they can't help.

BrokenWing · 01/02/2019 20:43

Cannibis isn't the problem, the person who smokes it is. Don't hate the Cannibis hate the behaviour of the user. If he's always been a user you don't know if it is the Cannibis or just him. Get rid, especially if you have or plan to have kids.

Bumbalaya · 01/02/2019 20:45

Yadnbu.
My whole childhood was ruined by my parents cannabis addiction.
YADNBU

mogulfield · 01/02/2019 20:47

I concur Op. Weed destroyed my brother, lead to much harder drugs and made him paranoid to the point of panic attacks.

The people bringing up alcohol are right, that's bad too. Doesn't make weed any less of an issue.

I'd move on.

Starlight456 · 01/02/2019 20:51

Yanbu . My exh smoked it same as pp always going to give up sly , spent our money . Really was going to give it up so we could try again . I said no. Oh he admits he is going to smoke it the rest of his life .

Leave nis my advice

slimthinpin · 01/02/2019 21:17

I don't think every single person who smokes it is a complete loser, but I have noticed that, on the whole, most habitual users I know have done sweet FA with their lives.

I've been through periods of smoking it myself and it did me no favours (paranoia, anxiety, depression) and even now when I indulge at a festie or whatever I get the same feeling.

I think so many people are blase about it when actually it's a very dangerous drug. A close family relative has been smoking since early teen years and developed bipolar with psychosis, I believe this was strongly to do with the fact he's been using it since childhood and even now as a grown man uses all day most days. He now has a serious MH condition that's turning everyone's lives upside down and still uses!

He also becomes abusive if he can't get his fix - stomping about, petulant, aggressive. It's awful.

Plus it's so strong these days! The makeup is not the same as it once was, the psychoactive componends are bred to be up to 10, 20 times stronger than say 20 - 30 years ago, without the substances within it that reduce the psychotic effects. You simply don't know what you're getting when you do get hold of it.

People have their head in the sand about the danger of it, and I think it's sad.

It's turned long term friends who used to be sociable into hermits with depression, anxiety, grumpy.

People also never seem to move forwards with their lives - completely hooked.

My view has completely changed on it over the last couple of years, I say be very wary of anyone who has a long term habit.

This may sound like overkill. I am sure some people can use infrequently and be ok but I've seen the lasting damage it can do and am highly skeptical.

user1486250399 · 01/02/2019 21:20

YANBU
Mine stopped in the end as I'd have left otherwise. Was a rough road to that point.
7 years later we're very happy, now married with 2 kids.

KittyVonCatsworth · 01/02/2019 21:21

YANBU. I'm coming from it from the other side, I was the 'recreational'' smoker and it impacted my relationship to breaking point. It's only when I stopped did I realise how dull my life actually was when I was smoking. I love it, I really enjoy the feeling of just absorbing into nothingness of not thinking and not doing but it's a half life. You function from 9-5 then nothing. No energy, no conversation, no real thinking. It's nothing. And you have someone who has signed up to be with you for the person you are/were when you're not and you're leaving a gaping hole of unfulfilledness in their life too.

What I'm saying is that it's an acceptable hobby/pastime/habit if you're single but it's not fun if you're forced to being part of that. You need to give an ultimatum. Good luck xx