Background: exDH and I have been separated for nearly 2 years. We have DD age 4. Since we’ve split up, we’ve both had new partners. I’ve been seeing DP for around a year. ExDH was seeing a woman for around 6 months then split up with her and has now been seeing another woman for around 3 months. The new woman he’s seeing has two DDs age 4 and 6. He has our DD each Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday, though we are flexible and generally have good communication if either of us have different plans. DD has met the other DDs quite a lot, because they’re similar age they all seem to get on well, they go out to park, cafes etc and I’ve dropped DD over at their house rather than exDH’s house a couple of times when he’s been there. Things are amicable and I’m happy to all get along.
DD will be turning 5 in April and she’s having a whole class party (Reception class) at a church hall with an entertainer. When going over dates, I made sure exDH knew when the party was (for him to come and to tell his Mum, DD’s Nana), and the first thing he asked was “Can I invite Sally and Molly?” (his new DP’s girls- not real names!). I said “Erm well I’ll have a think about it but to be honest I’d probably prefer not. It’s a family occasion with grandparents etc being there as well as DD’s full class, none of whom Sally and Molly will know”. He’s only been seeing their Mum a few months (since November), I haven’t met her yet. I suggested that he have a birthday tea party the following day with the two girls, have balloons, party hats, cake etc and make DD feel special.
That was all a couple of weeks ago. This morning he texted me about an idea he has for a present for DD’s birthday, we texted back and forth about it a couple of messages then I said “Are you happy to pay half of DD’s birthday party- half of hall hire, entertainer and food?” (Last year, our first year separated for DD’s birthday, she had a soft play party and we paid half each). His reply was, “Can I invite Sally and Molly then if I’m paying half?”
I just don’t know what to say?! On the one hand I want to say “Nevermind, I’ve got it” and pay it all myself. Of course he and his mum etc still welcome. I just don’t see why his new DP of 3 months and her DD’s need to be there?! They won’t know anyone. But then I feel like he’ll be making out to the new DP that I’m unreasonable “oh, Riverside won’t let your girls come to the party” and get us off on a bad foot, when I do want to have a good ongoing relationship with her if they’re to stay together in the long term. Other side of me wonders if I should call his bluff and say ok if it means that much to you, invite them. Then be all breezy and welcoming at the party. I don’t know what to do!
Also, it’s petty but I fail to make it through my OP without mentioning his passive aggressive dig at my new DP, when I said “Well, DP won’t be at the party either” (he doesn’t have kids), and exDH’s reply was “Oh really, I thought he’d like some jelly and ice cream and enjoy the magic show” (because new DP is 10 years younger than him, 6 years younger than me 🙄)