I can't cope anymore with no sleep (13 month old)

[FedUpAndTired2018]

Just that. He doesn't sleep. I've had enough. Don't want to do this anymore

Two naps at 13 months is a non-starter for a difficult sleeper! Neither of mine would have slept at 9 then at 1 then at bedtime.

Focus on the nights, that's what is the killer for your mental health.

The first night of sleep training it took 2 hours to get my DS to go back to sleep after he woke the first time, but he did eventually settle and then slept for 5 hours - the longest period he had ever slept.

When he wakes at night I keep things dark and quiet, pick him up and he usually goes straight back to sleep. Some nights I give him a bottle if he's been awake over an hour. It's not a magic cure, although he'll usually go down about half an hour later

The advice I had, which worked, was not to pick them up and not to give a bottle - because those reward your child for being awake in the night.

Pat, reassure, say boring same phrase every time, leave.
5 minutes later
Pat, reassure, say boring same phrase every time, leave.
5 minutes later
Pat, reassure, say boring same phrase every time, leave.
5 minutes later
Etc

We did this for several weeks, extending the 5 minutes to 10, then 15, etc.

Having someone else give us the instructions meant that we weren't changing our minds in the middle of the night - we just did exactly what we were told.

It did work eventually.

Also cutting out any long naps was vital, so she just had maybe a half hour at some point in the day, not too late.

So he's predominantly breast fed?

It may sound harsh but I would stop co sleeping and put him in a cot. Ours were in their own rooms by 6/7 months and we all slept better. He is getting older and needs to learn night time isn't for playing. We would put ours to bed around 8 at that age, now at 3 and 5 they go around 7/7:30. You are going to have to let him cry, for your own sanity. Tell him it's bed time, lie him down and be consistent. Mine had musical things that shone a dim light that they liked too, that might help as a distraction and to soothe him, maybe one that projects onto the ceiling. I couldn't have coped if my boys hadn't slept, I'm tired enough as it is, I hope things get better for you soon

@Namestheyareachangin could you talk to me about milk protein allergy. I've always thought ds was allergic but he was breastfed for first six months and docs convinced me it wasn't possible. When he went to formula he could never stomach regular formula and I had him on comfort.
Now he's 13 months his face is covered in a rash the doctors are no help with and he's starting to get dry skin all over. Tried soya milk and felt it started to clear up but moved to try lactose free just as its what the milkman has.
He's never slept well I'm knackered. I'm trying soya again, what else do I need to avoid?

Was LO a sucky baby? Could it be reflux?

*sicky

@weshouldopenabar

CMPA babies often allergic to soya too.... so try cutting both out. Lactose Free still has milk proteins so if true CMPA then neither soya, nor lactose free will do it. Try a high fat Oat milk if LO will tolerate oats.

Oh OP and those suffering I feel for you.

I know MN do not agree and will flame me but I wouldn't have ever considered it, but the only thing that worked for us was crying it out. DTs are 12 months and apart from a few odd nights, tend to sleep through.

Put DTs in bed, read a story and lay down, said night night and left the room.
Left to cry for 5 mins, then went in and lay them back down. Said night night and left.
Then increased by a minute each time but didn't say anything. Just left to cry.
They now self settle.

For PP who asked, Our current routine has just changed as they were taking longer to get to sleep and then waking more often.

Wake up anywhere from 5.30-7am, however I do not go into them until 6am.
Bottle downstairs at 7.30-8
Get dressed
Breakfast 9am
Snack 10.30-11
Lunch 11.30-12
Nap 12.30-3
Dinner 16.30-1700
Bottle 1800
Bath 18.30
Story & bed 1900

When doing cio method, do yous Rey leave them if there like screaming, breaking their heart kind of crying? I dnt think I could do that x

What about your partner!
Child’s dad?
Family?
Friends?
What area are you? Pm me

We learnt to distinguish between the cries pretty quickly to be honest. Now we don't have any cries going to sleep.

The first two times were horrible, it's not something I enjoyed doing but we had tried all other methods and with two it was impossible to manage independently as I was on my own trying to get them to sleep.
The only way they slept before CIO was to sit rocking them. As soon as I put one down to rock the other one, the first one would wake up again.

Mine will not go to sleep unless I’m in bed with him and he has Ewan the Dream Sheep clutched in his sweaty paw. He only has one nap per day (sleeps for an hour or two after lunch at about 1-2pm). I thought one nap was fairly standard at about a year old, mine definitely wouldn’t sleep at night if he had two naps a day.

How much food does he have during the day? Does he still have milk? Are you breastfeeding?

Strict routine and fresh air. If you can't get out open windows and dress warm. Kicking a habit is hard xX

My DS was a terrible sleeper.

What worked was night weaning and learning to walk.

If you're breastfeeding it needs to be someone else who does the night weaning. That person goes in when they wake and offers water instead of milk when the child wakes.

If your child is not yet walking, encourage him to learn. Those VTech baby walkers are great.

Sorry if this has already been suggested. My son dropped his morning nap at 11 months. The way we knew it had to go is it took him 1-2 hours to go down for his afternoon nap. Is that an idea?

Oh god and night weaning - TOTALLY! I nightweaned at 8 months with help of sleep consultant. I honestly thought he'd perish in the night but within 3 days he was sleeping through.

Similar position here with an 11 month old.
But in my case it’s me, DS sleeps better for DH and slept perfectly for my sister when she took him for a sleepover to give me a break. Unfortunately DH works night shift so he can’t do it very often.
Is your health visitor any good?
I was on my knees 2 weeks ago, called my HV and she was amazing. She got me to see a GP same day (I’m on antidepressants and he raised the dose) and arranged free daycare for DS for one day a week. Just knowing that one day a week I can go back to bed and sleep for 4+ hours straight has been life changing. She also gave me some tips and advice to try once I’m feeling stronger. Just now I’m just so angry during the night it’s terrifying. Me and DH will work out a plan in a week or so to try and tackle it.
Take any help you get. Be kind to yourself, it’s horrific when you are in the midst of it

Stupomax has the right advice in my opinion. Before naps and bed, take into a quite room, close curtains and read a basic story book in a very quiet voice. Don’t look at him and make it as boring as possible. Read a few times until he feels more relaxed. Don’t get anxious, they pick up on it. Never get him out or give milk in the night. He absolutely doesn’t need it. Its all a reward. Stroke his back, whisper ‘goodnight’ once. Go back out. It takes a long time, but just remember whilst he is in his cot, he is safe, warm and not hungry. He can be left alone without too much interaction.

I’ve just remembered, when my 17 yr old was a baby, Tracy Hogg ‘The Baby Whisperer’ was all the rage. She had numerous books all with brilliant advice.

So many people have been in the same horrible boat! That might not make you feel better, but they do get through it. It sounds like you’re close to cracking it. Keep going! Just as you think they won’t get it, they do.
I did about 1-3 days of half milk, water then stopped feeding at night at about 6months. If a normal weight, they will get the new habit in a week or so. Good luck xx

You're on the cusp, I swear. Hang in there for about 2/3 mths. All of my 3 ones were a disaster still at this age. They all turned a corner a few months later.

You have my sympathies. It's utterly exhausting and really unstables your mental health. Xxxx

Oh god, you poor thing - I remember it well!

Our son was a fantastic sleeper for the first 6mths & we were SO smug...then it all went to shit for the next 2yrs!!

He'd go down, good as gold, at 7pm ish & sleep till 11pm ish & then it was anybody's guess from then till 6am - totally erratic & random. Some nights he'd wake for 10mins every hour, others it'd be 1hour of crying 2or3 times & pretty much every other combo inbetween - none of us had a decent unbroken night's sleep till he was 2.5yrs old. I was on my bloody knees & my very last nerve!!

You name it, we tried it. Ended up cracking it with controlled crying, which I hated with every fibre of my being, but there was no other option. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life - my husband used to have to physically stop me from going into him when he was wailing my name at top volume & sobbing his heart out - I usually ended up crying too!!

Stick with it - if you can go through the pain & crack it now, you'll start to enjoy life so much more. I know it feels like there's no end right now, but it WILL come - honestly.

For what it's worth, music helped us - it seemed to calm him a fair bit so we bought a cheap CD player & used to put it on repeat & just leave the bloody thing going for hours!!