I can't cope anymore with no sleep (13 month old)

[FedUpAndTired2018]

Just that. He doesn't sleep. I've had enough. Don't want to do this anymore

I would drop the early morning nap, give him an big, early lunch at 11ish and put him down for a couple of hours then. He'll be refreshed for the afternoon, and can maybe get his extra 30 mins later in the afternoon.

In my experience they go down to one nap at about a year old. Sometimes an early nap at 10.30-11ish.

Could you butt a cot up against your bed with the side off and bungees to hold it in place so at least he and you have your own space?

Is there anything which could be waking him ( do you or your dp snore?)

He's just gone to sleep. Fuck knows what I'm supposed to do now. I'm not waking him for a while, my ears need a rest. Ffs.

buggy I don't think so? He wakes up regardless of whether he's in his cot or in with me. The only thing I've noticed is he's very windy

Mum of a crap sleeper here who would do back flips if i realised I got 4 hours straight sleep!!

At 13 months dd routine would generally be
Wake 6am -given a bottle
Breakfast 8am
Nap 10am for around 45mins
Snack
Lunch at 12
Sleep around 1ish for an hour n half
Dinner at 4ish
Snack of sweet at 6pm while watching in the night garden for wind down
Every other night bath
By 7ish settling for a bottle and bed time story
Put In cot
Sit by cot
Stand up put dd back down
Sit by cot
Stand up put dd back down
(Continue for about an hour)
Dd would sleep and then wake up

However after doing the same routine and occasionally lying by the cot and holding her hand for about 3 weeks she eventually learnt to self settle without me.

She is now 17months. Routine is almost the same but we are now down to one nap from 12 till 2ish.

She will wake between 4 and 5 for a bottle but will settle back down till about 6.30am

One day i hope she will sleep through but it's better than nothing.

Will say teeth cause alot of upset and we stagger Calpol and ibuprohen which gives some rest

For a week we had a tummy bug... queue changing bed and pjs an hour after going to sleep but we knew it was a blip.

Try and get a routine that works and stick to it.

The sitting by the cot was my version of disappearing chair. Would sit on the floor with my head in my hands and count with my breathing to stay calm. Dd would cry and throw dummies at me. I ignored until I counted to my target (1min, 2min ect) I would stand up put her back down with no eye contact or speaking.

Even now when I go in at nihht I don't communicate just do what I need to do and leave again.

Must say dd has been vetter since we have her a duvet instead of a sleeping bag.

This weekend we are taking the sides off the cot. . Baby gate on the door... wish me luck!

Keep going when you get a routine or method that works it's great but you have to have alot of resolve to not pander to the crying. Also you will learn the difference in cries... the one when they are upset and the one when they are being a pain in the backside

Wind could be worth mentioning to your gp - could be a sign of a food intolerance.

What happens when he wakes up in the night? Do you get up? Do you put the light on? Give him any toys? Or do you keep it dark?

At ten months ds had never slept alone /in the dark due to illness and in hospital.
Dr showed me sleep pattern charts, how vital it was for dc to fall asleep in their own cot /bed.
Usual night time routine, bath +bf/bottle. Wait for sleepy cues, down no fuss in the cot, no chat, walk away. Cry? Leave 1 minute, return, lie dc down /tuck in, no chat walk away.
Cry? Leave 2 mins, return,lie dc down /tuck in, no chat, leave the room.
Repeat, ds wasn't hysterical just twisty, had a flask ready for a rough night.
After 8 mins of not really crying (couldn't do cio and had told Dr so!), ds slept a good few hours, repeating method as necessary.
I SWEAR HE SLEPT THROUGH ON THE THIRD NIGHT
I was a transformed woman!!
Did it with last dc at 9 months. Took 3 nights.

Oh sorry to add.. Dd only napped in pushchair or on me until she moved up a room in nursery and learnt to nap on the floor mats. Now I can lie her down and she stays asleep

Are you BF? If so, night wean. Also, how much physical activity does he get?

Is he walking yet?

I think you need to move to one nap a day, its not too soon. DS has had one nap since about ten months. He usually has lunch at 11.30, then sleeps 12.15-2.30 ish and goes to bed at 7. We do still have night wakings and I breastfeed at night but he doesn’t get fed to sleep in the day any more, and just has milk first and last thing.

Would he stay awake in the morning OP? At that age i kept her awake until lunch, she'd have milk on waking, breakfast about 20 mins later, snack around 10:30 then fed her lunch at 12ish then she had a nap for 2hrs, that was her only nap. Also, we used white noise, a heartbeat sound, helped her a lot, drowned out any outside noise, she also has a little square of muslin that is her comforter, somehow it helps her settle that she can rub that on her face, either of those an option to try?

Move to one nap a day (over lunchtime)

Stop any milk at night during sleeping hours.

My one year old’s routine (to fit in with sibling who is nearly 3):

7am - bottle and breakfast;
Out for morning activity;
12pm - lunch;
1230-1300 - put down for nap;
1430 approx - wakes (woken by 1500 if not already woken - usually only needed if in bed nearer 1300);
Out for afternoon activity;
1700 - evening meal;
1810 - bath;
1830ish - bottle;
1850 - bed.

If DC2 is particularly tired at lunchtime, I give an earlier lunch at 1130/1145 and then bed at 1200. I try not to put down to sleep before then because DC2 may wake up before 2pm which makes it harder to get through to 7pm.

Milk isn’t offered during the night even if DC2 does wake unless in exceptional circumstances when clearly hungry (eg was ill last week and ate a lot less than usual so would have been prepared to give a bit of milk to get through the night if need be - I sort of think about how I feel when I’m ill and how my eating drinking habits might be different as a result!).

Can you take your DC out in a pushchair for a lunchtime nap so he gets the concept of sleeping at that time? After that you may find it easier to get him to sleep in his cot. I did this with both mine when they were younger.

Who are you getting the sleep training advice from? I have done a lot of this work and that instruction seems a bit odd to me. You need an experienced person along side of you who will first need to know exactly what is going on ie sleep diaries for a week and then work out the best strategies for you and your family. No quick snap ideas on here are going to help. Does your health visitor have any training/experience in sleep management? Some do. some don't. Generally start from good naps, do not try and reduce daytime sleeps

Thanks everyone. Not walking but very close. When he wakes at night I keep things dark and quiet, pick him up and he usually goes straight back to sleep. Some nights I give him a bottle if he's been awake over an hour. It's not a magic cure, although he'll usually go down about half an hour later

I see a lot of poor advice on here

I really sympathise with you OP. Really...
My DS was an appalling sleeper for the first two years. 4/5 awakenings per night were the norm. I was beyond exhausted. He is 3 now and still wakes on average 1nce per night but it's SO MUCH better. He falls asleep on his own in his own bed but wakes up.

Nothing I did made any difference..
I went to bed super early during the worst phase -19- and DH did the first awakening -22- .So if I was lucky I would get 3/4hrs stretch.

You will get through this...

GP is very unlikely to be able to help if there is nothing physically wrong

Sleep training typically takes longer than 3 dayssorry OP! Stick with it for up to 2 weeks before you give up on itbut it probably won't take that long. Also try baby massage and black-out blinds. These things really help them calm down and sleep better.

DD went down to 1 x 2h nap by 12 months and looking back she’d been ready for 4-6weeks by that time. I resisted because all the books suggested it was a phase and 2 naps was the norm till nearer 2. I don’t know who these kids are. She’s now 2 and the 1 nap is becoming hit and miss...

Does your son have any other allergy symptoms other than windiness - so eczema/dry skin, sore/red eyes, excessive snottiness or repeated ear infections, bloating? Is he usually cheerful or often quite grumpy? Sicky baby until quite late on?

I ask because my little girl was miserable as sin and slept like shit. It took me a year to realise she had Cow's Milk Protein Allergy. within 2/3 days of stopping dairy she was like a different baby. Worth a try at least, or talking it over with your HV?

It's awful though, I felt subhuman on an hour or two's sleep at a time for a year. You're not alone!

DS has just turned 12mo, and this is our routine:

Up around 8am
Nap from 1230 usually for 90mins-2h15 (seems to depend on how active a morning we’ve had)
Bed around 8pm
Maybe one night waking to bf around 0530

Sounds like a lot of naps on your plan, OP?

We had this, did controlled crying / comforting and persevered with it. Worked wonders after about week 1 - week 2

Oh yes and the naps - try and push him out to the afternoon, you'll get a longer nap, and consolidating naps really improved my little girl's night sleep as well.