To not want to be called "mum"?

[AllourmoneygoesonAptamil]

... Or any variation of? (mummy, mam etc) I have an 8 mo DS who I adore, but I had a less than ideal experience of being parented myself and really can't deal with being called mum/mam/mummy myself. As he learns to talk, AIBU that I want him to call me by my first name? (it's short and easy to say) Does anyone else do this? Please no judgement just trying to do my best and make a good life for my LO. TIA

What do you think he might want as he grows up? Would that factor in to your decision?

Do what is best for your family and ignore 'helpful' advice from people who haven't walked in your shoes.

It's unusual but do what feels right to you. As he grows he won't know any different but there will be questions when he gets older why his friends call their mothers "mum"
I had a friend who called his parents by their first names. I thought he was cool

Its fine! It's completely up to you what language/name you want to be known as. You will have to be prepared that other people will automatically refer to you as 'mummy'/'mum' when talking to your DS, but there's no reason for you to worry what others think or not be called by what you wish to be, It's your life and your son, so it's your choice.

A bit weird...especially since a child’s first babble tends to be ma ma or da da as it’s easiest for them to say.

I can’t see a little one trying to say Amy or Pam Pam

BUT, it is your choice. However when your child is older and really wants to call you mum like their friends at school, what would you do then?

You can want what you want. I think it’s a bit sad. What if your child wants to call you Mum? Like everyone else in school? You’ll struggle to avoid it at nursery etc.

I think it will be to confusing for you LO when he hears other children saying mummy and your known as your name. Do you want him to be the odd one out at school?

I have three children. My youngest DS (10) calls his Dad and I by our first names - it’s a bit odd but his choice!

A friend of mine always called her parents by their names because her older brother did. No issues with it.

my dd (sn and few words) calls dh by his first name. always had.
took ages to get her to say mum, so I can't understand not wanting it. but up to you what you do. but bet he calls you mum.

I'm sorry to hear that your experiences with your own mother were difficult. Might it help with the healing process to hear your DC call you 'mum', in what is a new, different, and much more positive relationship? You will be in a different role this time. I wonder if you might find in the event that you quickly get used to being called mum, and it loses its current negative charge?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but I wonder if it will cause questions in the future when he learns that most others call their parents mum/dad. Personally I wouldn’t do anything for me that would make my children ‘different’ but I am probably a bit over worried about bullying etc. I think you need to do what’s right for you and your family.

I hope this doesn't sound condescending, I really don't mean it to.

Have you dealt with your past issues? Maybe had some sort of therapy to help you make sense of it? Mine helped me a great deal. It helped me put some things to bed and not let them negatively impact me going forwards.

I feel like it would a shame for him not to be able to call you mummy, especially when all of his friends will be calling there's mummy. At school it might spark rumors like "oh he's adopted/that's not his real mum" - children can be unkind and the smallest thing that sets them apart from thier peers can be made into something negative.

I'm not going to force him, when he's older he can decide for himself, but just for now I'm happier this way. School is a long way off but where we live when he's at school isn't in the UK so the children will actually use a different word anyway. It's really not a massive deal I was just curious

The decision you make here isn't just for you, it's also for your DS. Some children are resilient creatures who aren't phased by anything. Others feel more hesitant and need more support, and don't necessarily like standing out. If your child is more like the latter, then they may feel awkward calling you by your name, when all of their friends are calling their mums 'mum'.

Just something to keep in mind.

By the time your child starts school your child will be able to know that your name is Allour and you are his mum. He is highly unlikely to be confused by that.
Loads of kids grow up in blended families and the older children say Dave and they know that Dave is Dad to them but Dave to the big ones. This is one of those things which sounds complicated to describe but is actually simple in practice. You just tell other key adults in DSs life you call you Allour when talking to your child, then he will learn that you are called Allour, and as he gets older, that Allour is his mum. If an adult says 'where is your mum' he can point at you. Most adults now say 'where is your grown up' - my kids don't address me as such, but they know in context that it is me.
Honestly don't sweat it.
If he wants to call you mum at 5 , you might feel differently, as you'll be a more experienced parent. But until he can express a preference, it is entirely up to you.

I think it’s up to you, and it’s not unheard of at all. There’s no reason why you have to be mum!

There are only 5 people in the whole world who can call me mum and that is very special to me. But that's me, do whatever makes you happy, he will decide himself when he is older anyway.

My DP has always called his mum by her first name! I found it a bit odd at first but it's really no big deal, do what you want.

Can you use the other word for mum that children will use in the country where he'll go to school?
My mum had similar issues being 'grandma' because of her experiences so we looked at words from other countries and cultures and she uses/we use the German 'Oma'
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I thought this was going to be about being called 'mum' by people like doctors or health visitors who you are dealing with in regards to your DC.

It used to drive me mad to to be called mum in those circumstances and you might find it happening in the future to you, although from the sound of it you're not in UK so maybe it's different where you are.

It''s really up to you what you want your child to call you, but it might be an issue for him when everyone else in school is calling their parents mummy and daddy or some sort of equivalent and might lead to him wondering if he has the same relationship to you that they have to their mummy.

You don't have to be called mum if you don't want to. It may be the kind of thing that changes though, you don't have to make a final decision now.

My 17 month old currently refers to me me by the nickname my husband and family use! I haven't discouraged mum, but I don't really mind what he calls me. I assume at one point I might become mum. Otherwise nickname it is!

Make sure he knows you are his mum, and your name is eg Lucy, just in case nursery tells him to show something to mum or ask mum. Our family fosters, and Foster children call us by our Christian names, but schools, brownies, shop assistants by default assume primary female caregivers are known as mum. So long as the child knows 'mum' means 'adult in charge' you're good.

That said, I do like the idea of using the word other children use, especially if it doesn't have the same connotations for you. DH is foreign but grew up in the UK. His parents are mama and papa, never mum and dad.

I felt like you, just didn't want to be reduced to a generic title more than because of any history though so my experience may not be relevant.

In time the generic title thing changed, it wasn't long before I became proud of being Mum. My first was an amazing child who made me so happy each day that being her Mum was a privilege iyswim? I owned the title rather than the title reducing me.

My 5 year old calls me by my first name because dp does, its not that odd