To ask if you have 2 children close together?

[ATouchOfColdFeet]

And how did you find juggling it all?

NC in case DP finds this thread...
DD is currently 5 months and DP is already on about having another, and although I have a bit of baby fever I'm not sure if now is the right time (if there is even such a thing). I'm full of anxiety over the decision, my main worry being how DD will feel if we were to have another baby, will she feel pushed out? Will she be resentful as she would have no memories of a life without a sibling?

Then there's the actual anxiety of another pregnancy- I had a terrible time with DD as placenta was anterior meaning I experienced a handful of kicks at best throughout the pregnancy, multiple hospital visits for lack of foetal movement and in the end she was born by emergency c section at 37 weeks due to no movement in 4 days and a heart rate that dipped with every contraction. I saw my consultant last week to check up on further complications due to undiagnosed endometriosis (diagnosed only after c section) that has been irritated by the c section and she told me that my only hope of living pain free was another baby and that a year gap is ideal but not essential.

I'm just so unsure about how I would cope with a new born and dd going through her terrible twos. Would love to hear how others found the experience.

I had three under two! A 2y/o a 1y/o and a new born. I look back and wonder how I did, but I did it and I loved it.

Yes it was hard, but certainly no harder than my friend who had an 8year gap between her two. I was still used to night feeds, nappies and days out being like organising a military invasion of Europe.

My daughters grew up incredibly close despite a lot of arguments as children they are all very close and loving towards their sisters.

I wouldn’t have it any other way, looking back now (I’m in my late 50s, daughters are 30,29,28) I’m so glad I did it my way.

Ask me anything op, dm if you’d prefer, but being mum to three babies was nowhere near as daunting as it actually sounds. It’s not like it was all thrust on me in an instant, I had time with my first born ‘E’ to establish a routine before her sister ‘A’ arrived and the same again with my youngest.

I had two 18 months apart. They are now 28 & 29!
I planned it that way because I grew up with a 4.5 year age gap between me and my sis (I was older) and I hated it as we were so far apart on things we enjoyed doing, games we played etc. I wanted mine much closer together. It's a hard couple of years in the beginning. But I think overall it is a lot easier. And my two were definitely a lot closer as kids than me and my sis were. My eldest also coped fine when the youngest was born. He adored her from day 1 and I never had any issues over dividing my attention between them. I don't regret it at all.

I said earlier about my youngest two (14 month gap) but my eldest is 8. To anyone saying that any gap is an equal struggle - The 6 year gap was a complete breeze, the older one helps out, is unlikely to still be waking up screaming in the night and wake up the other one, can understand about waiting turns when you need to see to the baby, can walk confidently to the car and doesn’t need to be picked up or hand held across the road, they can do seatbelts themselves, dress themselves for bed, help tidy up, they don’t nap anymore so you aren’t struggling to make sure they both get their rest etc

I think even with a 3 year gap you see some of those benefits.

Mine are only 2 minutes apart! 😂

I've had 3 under 5 and absolutely love it! The older two are 2 years apart and very close, interested in same things, play so nicely together. Little one is only 5 months but he's started to find them really funny and interesting. They obviously don't know any different and enjoy being around each other. It is chaotic but so fun

mine are 15 months apart and I barely remember the first 2 years of the youngest one's life

the youngest one was born very poorly and coupled with a 15 month old, who I had to drag back and forth to hospital, it made the first few years absolutely nightmarish

it's great now, don't get me wrong, but, personally, I would never recommend that type of age gap especially if you have no family help nearby (I didn't)

DD had 13 months between her eldest, they're like twins rather than an older and younger child

I have 4, the gaps are 14m, 17m and 23m. It was fine really.

The hardest bit was toilet training DS1 when heavily pregnant with DS3. So the bump made the getting up and down to sort DS1 and the pot out. Made worse by DS2 trying to put his foot in the used pot while I helped DS1 sort his clothes out!

Fun is the last word I’d use for it. I look at photographs of my second child and I don’t remember any of it. I feel like I’m looking at photos of someone else’s child.

My ffirst child is extremely bright. My second child had slight delays. I could not nurture either of them adequately. I was in survival mode and I feel I could have done much more for them esp my second if I had had more time.

You have to literally tear yourself in two as neither child is old enough to understand. You can doing well if you can do just ‘enough’ but you can’t give extra one to one time with either.

If they were twins they would both be at the same age and progress.

With a small age gap, doing just about enough wasn’t good enough ^for me*.

It also badly affected my marriage as family life was non stop work with little to no time left for any fun.

yes I would agree Blooming. I think it's hard enough if they are both born healthy and NT. But if there are any health issues whatsoever, it makes a small age gap incredibly difficult and trying for everyone.

We had three under three. At the time, it was fine, you just get on with it. Looking back, I think I must’ve been friggin nuts. Those years are just one long foggy memory. Fair enough, a lot happened in those years, death of a parent, kids diagnosed with autism etc, it was really full on.

Some positive points: you get the ‘baby years’ over in a shorter, condensed period of time. Your sleep pattern isn’t disrupted because the eldest still isn’t sleeping through by the time the next baby arrives, so you’re already used to surviving on very little sleep.

If I was at all house proud then I don’t think I’d have coped in those early years.

Me abs my sister are 15 moths apart. My mum said it was easier as there was no jealousy and the baby and toddler stages were over in one go.

Literally overwhelmed with all the replies, thank you all so much! Sorry to have just vanished but DD has come down with the mother of all colds (most probably caught from sharing toys at baby sensory )

I think I will put my foot down and wait a little while to start trying as knowing my luck we'd fall on with twins. Getting all the baby stages out of the way sounds great but having such a stuffy, grouchy 5 month old is making me think that another one on top would have me in tears. For now.

You never know we may end up with a happy accident anyway as DD was a pill baby....tell God your plans and all that...

Although I think that 5 years would be too much of an age gap for us, I must admit to being a little envious of friends who get to enjoy having only one baby at home and the older kids in primary school.
Hope your DD is better soon.

2 years apart and 2.5 years. Nice gaps as they play well together but not so close they are in competition