To ask if you have 2 children close together?

[ATouchOfColdFeet]

And how did you find juggling it all?

NC in case DP finds this thread...
DD is currently 5 months and DP is already on about having another, and although I have a bit of baby fever I'm not sure if now is the right time (if there is even such a thing). I'm full of anxiety over the decision, my main worry being how DD will feel if we were to have another baby, will she feel pushed out? Will she be resentful as she would have no memories of a life without a sibling?

Then there's the actual anxiety of another pregnancy- I had a terrible time with DD as placenta was anterior meaning I experienced a handful of kicks at best throughout the pregnancy, multiple hospital visits for lack of foetal movement and in the end she was born by emergency c section at 37 weeks due to no movement in 4 days and a heart rate that dipped with every contraction. I saw my consultant last week to check up on further complications due to undiagnosed endometriosis (diagnosed only after c section) that has been irritated by the c section and she told me that my only hope of living pain free was another baby and that a year gap is ideal but not essential.

I'm just so unsure about how I would cope with a new born and dd going through her terrible twos. Would love to hear how others found the experience.

Why are you worried your dp will find the thread ?

Oh... We also found second baby was soooo much more laid back because we left her to it a lot more than the first. Much more independent. You just find a way through it. First few trips out took me a while to sort out - which child you put in the car first, which one you leave in house etc. How to get them both around when it's just you... leaving the pram to chase the toddler and realised the pram was rolling away (thankfully safely in a park so no harm done). We used to "man mark" at night.... Husband dealt with toddler if she woke and I did baby as I was bf.

Mine are three years apart. The first year was tough. Feel it's a good gap, any less and I'd have lost the plot, any longer and I might have started to think one is easy etc. Second year was a bit easier, sleeping through, toilet training etc makes a huge difference.

I'm 36 and can say that every year counts at this age when it comes to parenting. I'm tired so quickly.

14 months between mine, but my firstborn was the easiest baby ever so it was an easy decision. They were both excellent sleepers, but little sods during waking hours. I was also only mid twenties so had bags of energy. I wouldn’t do it in my forties, but it was so much fun then!

I have 18 months between the first two then 3 years. I needed to recover from 2 pregnancies close together. The pregnancy was very hard, DD1 started walking when I was 4 months pregnant, BF until I was 6 months pregnant. But she grew up very quickly when DD2 was born. When they were little they played together very well but now it's half thick as thieves and half at each others throats!

Activities with a toddler and baby are easy, whereas poor DC3 didn't do any baby activities because if you're doing the school run twice a day with a new born you don't want to leave the house again. All 3 are at primary now and that works well but I think the gulf between the girls and DS will widen again once they start secondary. And I'm not looking forward to having 2 at university at the same time, the parental contribution will be like childcare costs all over again.

I wouldn’t do it in my forties, but it was so much fun then!

I did it in my 40s! Can't say I have any less energy than I did in my 20s.

There’s 12 months between 2 of my boys.

Was hell for a few years, got good when they got old enough to play together.

I’m glad they have each other but I feel elder one missed a lot of his babyhood as o was pregnant, big, tired, then there was a new baby and he wasn’t a baby anymore when he should have been really

17 months apart here. The first six months was a doddle sling !...
Then DD2 started crawling and she went one way and DD1 went the opposite way. Life got busy .

I'm really glad we had them close together though. The mischief they got up to as toddlers...

Either they're the best of friends or the worst of enemies, it fluctuates hourly. Life is never dull and DD1 can't remember a time without her sister. Currently 8 & 9.

There's under 11 months between my two. Took 6 years to get pregnant the first time, one bloody shag to get pregnant the second (and my pregnancies don't go to full term - hence the very eyebrow raising timescale).

Gist of it - you cope because you cope. Mine are incredibly close now (but still bicker like mad) and that is a really really adorable thing to see, plus they're into the same things in terms of toys, TV and the like - so you don't have scenarios like crawling baby + sibling with Lego everywhere, or one child being bored shitless being dragged around the dinosaur exhibit for a sibling who's obsessed with them or whatever... but the early bit was just like a double load of nappies, feeds, clean up and more nappies. DD2 projectile vomited for the first year of her life with happy chucker reflux so basically my life was shit and sick essentially.

Wouldn't swap 'em for the world now - but gawd the thought of them both being teenagers together terrifies me!

Plus point - I have all the costumes for DD2's dress up days at school (they have a lot) sorted out and filed away by month required so I look really bloody organised! They adore each other though - for the entire first year she was at school DD2 told every single visitor to the classroom that she had a big sister in the other class... and DD1 is STILL holding a grudge years later against the practice nurse who made her baby sister cry giving her her vaccinations - it's hilarious to see how she's lovely and chatty with everyone other than this one woman whom she still looks at in a way that could curdle milk because she made HER SISTER CRY!

My mum had 3 under 3. Grant it this was over 50 years ago but she still talks about it. Having said that we are all very close. Not sure if that is the age thing but it probably helps. Then my sis came along 3 years later-She was definitely an unplanned one

I have 2 that are 16 months apart, my friend has 2 kids that are 12 months apart, i found it fine, obviously some hard times but also, they are very close, you get all the baby/toddler stuff out the way at the same time, I have no regrets, neither does my friend.
there's six years between my middle and youngest and that was harder, and still is now they're 13 and 7

There's 23 months between mine. I literally can't remember the first 6 months of DD2's life

I have a 4 year age gap and it was bliss. Slightly different now as they have very different interests (9 and 5) but that’s just a matter of organisation. I was aiming to have close togethers but it didn’t work out (multiple miscarriage) - and I am glad!! Do t overthink, op, but if you’re anxious already, as I was, a bigger gap is less stressful

It was hard, very hard at the beginning. But now aged 18 months apart 3&5 they are the best of pals.

Currently fast asleep together in one bed. They won't sleep apart, despite having there own rooms. Together always and I adore it

18 months between mine and that was planned. It was hard at first but now they are 2 & 3 tbey play so well together that I am quite glad we did it this way. There will still be two school years between them but I hope they will grow up and form a close bond.

I also know a girl who had twins 5 years ago and just gave birth to a second set recently. My reaction to that was oh fuck!

Its possibly already been said but it’s not advised to have another pregnancy so close after a c-section. I’d wait a bit if I were you OP, particularly since you had a difficult first pregnancy. Give your body a chance to recover.

Mine are 15 months apart. It was a really, really tough first year. I’m hoping it pays off long-term and they’ll be close, but their personalities are very different so the jury’s out on that one!

Mine were nit that close - 2 years apart. The A levels and GCSEs going on at exactly the same time was no fun at all. I know it seems like a long time away....

I have a 12 month gap between my 2.

Ds1 was emergency section, ds2 was vbac

It was very hard to begin with but sooo many positives. No jealousy, amazingly close siblings, common interests and friends. My physical recovery took a while but nothing to worry about.

Oh and you shouldn’t feel pressured by your DP. YOU have to go through the pregnancy, YOU have to go through the delivery and recovery and YOU will (most likely?) be doing the majority of the grunt work with the children. So it really is your decision to make not his. Put your wants and needs first.

While I wanted DD2 very much there were plenty (and I mean plenty!) of times when I thought “why the hell have I done this to myself”

Just under 17 months between oldest two. It was hard in the early days and very tiring but honestly it has paid off. They play together all the time and we have gone on to have a third - they are now 4, 3 and 11 months. I absolutely love it, the feeling of having the early hard bit done is nice and they are all into similar, little kid things. Can't wait for the next couple of Christmasses, with all believing in FC for example.

Mine are close together. I would never recommend it. I had PND with my second child and coupled with the terrible guilt I felt at not having enough time for my first and spending as little time as possible with the baby so I could get back to spending time with my first, I completely lost all sense of myself.

They are now at school and it is still hard work. They are so competitive with each other.

Even though they were planned, I also felt and still feel quite embarrassed at the small age gap. I HATED having a double buggy. I felt like a nanny instead of a mummy. Even now saying they are consecutive years old in age, makes me feel like a teenager who wasn't in control of her birth control.

If I could go back, I would leave at least three full years minimum between the children.

My two dds are 18 months apart. While we didn't deliberately choose to have a small age gap (dd2 was a surprise baby after much difficulty conceiving dd1) I actually found it a nice gap. Dd1 seemed to find it quite easy accepting a new addition and they have always had a positive relationship.

There are hard bits - both being in nappies was hard work, and trying to get everyone out to groups was a lot of effort. Dd2 spent a lot of time in a sling while I carried on with dd1's groups.

They are not 7 and 5 and get on well and play well together.

I loved having a double buggy and was so proud of both of my children I was proud to push it and show them both off (but I got a practical sized one not an expensive monstrosity) so I could get in and out of most places relatively easily.
I did feel guilty for my PFB and guilty that I didn’t have time to properly enjoy DD’s baby years. Everything was a rush and I was very stressed. We didn’t deliberately plan such a small gap but with being an older mum with my first we felt under pressure to try for a second. It is doable having children close together but also very hard work in the early days but it’s easier later on (positives and negatives for small gaps and larger gaps). A friend of DH’s told us he had a three year age gap and he felt the age gap was too big. But you shouldn’t be pressurised into it OP.

My two boys are 18 months apart. I actually found the 1st year ok but I think that's mainly due to the personality of DS2. He was very laid back and placid so once he was fed he was happy to sit in his chair and watch everything going on. I also kept DS1 in creche 2 days a week for a few months.
The hardest thing for me was that DS1 didn't start to walk until 19 months so I was constantly having to plan how I would manage to bring both of them anywhere. E.g. creche was on a busy road so I would have to park up, put DS2 in a sling then carry DS1 on my hip. Can only imagine what I looked like!
It's great now they're a bit older but I think an age gap of 2-3 years is probably a bit more manageable in the early years so I'd advise you to wait a bit OP.