To ask if you have 2 children close together?

[ATouchOfColdFeet]

And how did you find juggling it all?

NC in case DP finds this thread...
DD is currently 5 months and DP is already on about having another, and although I have a bit of baby fever I'm not sure if now is the right time (if there is even such a thing). I'm full of anxiety over the decision, my main worry being how DD will feel if we were to have another baby, will she feel pushed out? Will she be resentful as she would have no memories of a life without a sibling?

Then there's the actual anxiety of another pregnancy- I had a terrible time with DD as placenta was anterior meaning I experienced a handful of kicks at best throughout the pregnancy, multiple hospital visits for lack of foetal movement and in the end she was born by emergency c section at 37 weeks due to no movement in 4 days and a heart rate that dipped with every contraction. I saw my consultant last week to check up on further complications due to undiagnosed endometriosis (diagnosed only after c section) that has been irritated by the c section and she told me that my only hope of living pain free was another baby and that a year gap is ideal but not essential.

I'm just so unsure about how I would cope with a new born and dd going through her terrible twos. Would love to hear how others found the experience.

I had 2 under two. I also had PND with the second. So not a whole lot of laughs that year.

That said, there are things that were absolutely fine. Nappies for example. You're so in the zone with nappies for one that nappies for 2 is nothing. You have all the kit, all the equipment, all the clothes, and everything is very fresh in your mind.

What's also fresh is all the mistakes you made as a first time mum and you do stress less about routines, sleep regressions etc. You feel like a bit of an old hand at it. You're much more blasé.

I would say classes are realistically the first thing to go, tbh. Just being honest. It's too hard to do a whole lot outside the house with 2 who may do a poonami at any time.

I had my first in nursery though by about the 7th month of pregnancy and that was immensely helpful for both him and me. I knew he was getting good stimulation and play, and I could sit there all day breastfeeding like Jabba The Hud.

I have 10 months between my eldest two, they are in the same school year. I would never, ever have chosen to do it but it was fine, we all survived. I then had a third three years later and she was easier still. In your position I'd wait a bit and you'll be ready when you're ready.

BTW mine are great pals. The great advantage to a small gap is that they are on virtually the same level with what activities and cartoons and toys and silliness they like.

I have 18 months between my first 2 boys. It took us ages to conceive ds1 and then we ( wrongly) thought the same would happen again. Ds2 was born at 34 weeks meaning an eighteen month gap. It was very hard but they are close now. I also have a less than 2 year gap between ds2 and 3.

Dd was 8 months old when I fell pregnant with DS. There’s 17 months between them.
Having 2 in nappies was way easier than what I’ve got now
They are 2 and 3, and both absolutely feral. Actively try to murder eachhother multiple times a day....I’m also pregnant with DC3. It’s the same with anything really: when it’s good it’s brilliant, but when it’s bad, it’s really bad!
Best thing is that they are interested in the same things at the same time, so they don’t tend to argue over what type of toys come out or what comes on the tv etc. When they play nicely together, they get on like a house on fire, but when they fight, they are absolute savages!

I did all the baby stuff with DD but to be honest looking back, I don't really think she got much out of having ribbon wafter over her face next to other babies. The only thing I did which I'd like to do more of with DS is swimming. We do manage it sometimes but it's exhausting on my own with the two of them. Again though, DD swims off and plays and doesn't seem bothered about her cling on bro. I thought I'd be sad about not doing all that baby stuff but now number 2 is a bit bigger we do playgroups which they both enjoy, and generally he just gets to hang out with his big sis and her friends which he loves far more than he would love baby sensory and all that stuff.
Best advice I've had so far in the chaos was from my mum - "Aim low!" You get to achieve what you set out to do, and beat yourself far less when you drop your aspirations

All the baby sensory classes etc - wasn’t arsed the 2nd time! Didn’t need them, I had enough going on and had made parent friends through the first kid! We did lots of stuff that both could do - Park, beach, playgroup. The 2nd one didn’t miss out becuase she had an automatic playmate so gained there. In fact most people I know didn’t do all the stuff with the 2nd or 3rd kid regardless of age gap, you just don’t need it the same way when you had one child to practice on with the whole parenting thing!

I have a 6 year old , 18months old and a 4 month old. It's lovely to be honest everything falls into place and once you have your own routine going on it's amazing , tiring but amazing, seeing the bond between them and them growing up together , siblings and best friends is heartwarming !
The bond my three have is wonderful and I couldn't be happier.

Hard first year but been absolutely fantastic ever since. They are best friends. I’ve never seen anything like it. They just adore one another.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who sacked off all the baby sensory classes with the neglected second child
Your toddler provides plenty of sensory stimulation for the baby anyway - endless noise, finger in the nostril, it’s all sensory processing

I’m 7 weeks into 2 under 2 at the moment. I have an 18 month gap. Finding it hard work but manageable. We aren’t going to any of the groups I went to with my first but that’s ok, he tags along wherever we are going and I think the groups were more for me first time round rather than the baby. I found the pregnancy hard to be honest and my son wasn’t walking until nearly 16 months so it was very hard on my back carrying him all the time. But a hard pregnancy and looking after a toddler has made looking after a newborn and toddler feel a bit easier I think!

I had 4 kids all around 18 months apart, hard work but it was the best way for us to have the family we wanted and we enjoyed getting all the baby days out the way in 1 go the smallest is 2 this week and the oldest is 6, some days are still a little crazy but we don’t know any different and the kids are all close

Mine are 15 months apart now aged 14 & 15. Best accident I ever had!

I can't get over all the people reassuring op "it will be hard work but fine" and completely ignoring her saying

"DD is currently 5 months and DP is already on about having another, and although I have a bit of baby fever I'm not sure if now is the right time (if there is even such a thing). I'm full of anxiety over the decision ..."

Op doesn't think now is the right time to try for another baby. Hear what she's saying.

Our #2 was born 2 weeks before #1's second birthday.

So far, so good. There's been a couple of murder attempts but generally she's been great. She's quite a quiet, clever girl anyway and we did lots of grunt work reading books and explaining what was going to happen which helped.

I don't think I'd want much sooner than 2 years gap, and I have a feeling that 2.5-3 years might be easier still. we

I've just had my second and my first DS is 5. Everyone is different but I know for me, had I had them closer together I'd have been a disaster. DS is great and quite independent but trying to make him feel like he's still a priority while juggling a newborn and lack of sleep etc is hard. No idea what I'd do if I was in the position of having another baby crawling/toddling around instead and trying to make sure they're fed and entertained and not tearing my house apart... I have no idea. But I have friends who make it look easy. I'm admittedly quite lazy though

13 months apart it took ages to get pregnant the first time so we started trying right away. It’s igreat now they are older most of the time. The baby years were extremely hard but once the youngest got to say 16 months it was a doddle they were great friends with each other and played well together with each other and other toddlers/babies and were both into the same things at the same I.e. soft play, play groups, films, books etc etc. So life was easier than friends who has a baby and a 3 or a 5 year old.
Quick Negatives: it was bloody hard work and I felt like I was cutting myself in two and both were missing out. My anxiety levels were through the roof. No sitters neither GP’s would contemplate looking after both of them together.
Positives; they are both good at sharing, sociable, companionship, close (most of the time), neither are demanding or spoilt attention wise unlike my bloody spoilt nieces who are 8 years apart are both mouthy, demanding and think the world revolves around them. Our eldest is extremely academic, a high achiever and I couldn’t be prouder. The youngest is much more laid back and creative they are middling acadeimically as they have dyslexia. They are both polite at school and in restaurants but both have their moments at home.

PS I loved the eldest so much when I got pregnant with the first I worried I wouldn’t have enough love but I definitely did.

17 months between my eldest two! It was hard work when they were small

I’ve got 3 - 14 months between the first two and 19 months between the next. Youngest is 7 months and the oldest almost 3 and a half.

I’m exhausted and haven’t stopped in months. I often feel guilty that my kids don’t have much individual time, but they have each other and I’m sure they don’t mind as they don’t know any different. It’s such a joy watching the older two who really like each other and laugh at each other all the time. You just get on with it really.

20 months between my two. When they were small it was busy but manageable, enjoyed similar activities & child care was easier (although expensive) as they could go to the same childminder, after school & holiday clubs together. They are now in their 20s & the best of friends

12 month gap here - HARD work. Really hard. I was a young mum though so that probably made it even harder. They’re 11 & 12 now and much easier. It’s nice that they can share interests (and clothes )

I have a 14 month gap and they are now 6 and 7. Like everyone has already said its very hard work when they are small but for us it was the right decision as were late 30's and didn't want to wait a couple of years and then do all the sleeps nights again. They now play together really nicely and really support each other. They have similar interests and capability so frequent ly want to do the same things. That age gap also means the older one just accepted the baby and never felt pushed out. As small together they also napped together. There's no perfect gap but at times I wish I had cherished the early years more but to be honest it was just very tough. Really good now though!! Good luck with whatever you decide.

My 2nd and 3rd are 14 months apart. Quite honestly I would have left it longer if I could have done, I felt and still feel guilt about not giving them the same amount of individual attention as I did to No1. I don’t enjoy it as much because I am always panicing, if both are crying you have to pick one to go to, they fight, they are always collectively referred to as “the babies”.

They are gorgeous but I feel a lot of guilt.

Mine have a 22 month gap which ive found largely great