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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him if it doesn’t stop I will press charges?

55 replies

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 31/01/2019 14:08

I left stbxh 7months ago due to his aggressive behaviour when drunk. It was the 2nd police call out and we have 2 v young dc and enough was enough

We have a court order for dc contact and finances are sorted so we should be moving on

I put in a claim with cms as he refused to pay maintenance. He is now desperate for me to cancel cms and come to a private arrangement. I don’t want to because he had given me a million reasons not to trust him so I think he will cancel payments as and when he wants.

The thing is he never stops messaging me about it. This week he has sent me so many messages including hoping my best friend dies a slow painful death. That he will move in with his gf of 7 weeks to reduce cms (she has 3 dc), that he will register as self employed to reduce cms, that he will move all salary into pension to reduce cms etc etc plus veiled threats that he will “motivate” me to cancel cms

He won’t let the dc take there toys home from his ( dc are 3 &1)
He swears at me on his weekly Skype with dc.
He messages me through the night when he is drunk and then deleted them so I just see he has sent me loads of deleted messages between 2am and 5am

Tbh I have had enough. I am living in rented whilst he kept the family home as he bullied me into a seperation agreement. I cannot cope with the sheer volume of message from him.

I recently made a statement to the police as I feel I am been harassed, they agreed and said I should message him saying if he contacts me again about anything other than the dc I will press charges....But I am worried that when I send this message everything will get worse for me and dc.

If I do press charges and he is convicted he would lose his job

Would it be unreasonable to tell him one more message and I will press charges? And wibu to then follow through?

OP posts:
Tighnabruaich · 31/01/2019 14:11

I wouldn't send him another message, no. Why give him another chance? He's basically torturing you like this and he sounds totally unstable.
Can you go and stay with family? Block his number?

Suziepoozie · 31/01/2019 14:12

Do it. He’s a thug. What a dick OP. At least you’re out of there and don’t have to live with it. He’ll get bored eventually but you shouldn’t have to put up with this. Do what the police have advised them absolutely follow through

Thehop · 31/01/2019 14:14

Do it now. Horrible little bully.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 31/01/2019 14:14

Have you asked him to stop contacting you about anything other than the kids?

redastherose · 31/01/2019 14:15

It wouldn't be unreasonable at all to send that message. He clearly thinks he is above the law. Definitely don't cancel your application for maintenance through CMS as you are right he will constantly pay late/never and leave you chasing him for payment. He will love controlling you that way and you don't need the hassle. You should do what the police said and send one last message saying that 'you will only communicate with him in relation to access for the children and are not being drawn into talking about finances. He has proved that he cannot put the children first and pay maintenance willingly so his own actions forced you to apply to the CMS in the first place. If he contacts you again in anyway not related to the children and arrangements for access then you will be formally reporting him to the police for harassment.'

AppleKatie · 31/01/2019 14:30

Follow the advice of the police to the letter.

He does not have your or your DCs best interests at heart.

Bombardier25966 · 31/01/2019 14:31

At this stage he would be issued with a harassment notice, it's not a charge and he wouldn't go to court/ get a conviction. It's basically a written notice that his conduct could amount to an offence and further incidences may result in action against him.

It might be what he needs to curb his behaviour. If he doesn't, then you've taken the first step in having the police deal with it.

JustAnotherOneOfThemUsers · 31/01/2019 14:35

I think you should do exactly what the police have told you to do.

Consolidatedyourloins · 31/01/2019 14:36

Not unreasonable at all.

Could you create an email address just for him and limit all contact to email? Change your number and don't let him have the new number?

Missingstreetlife · 31/01/2019 14:42

Supervised contact, save the messages. Do what police say. Email only or through solicitor. Poor children. Be strong

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2019 14:43

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer is he?? I mean, putting all the ways he's planning on defrauding the CMS in writing isn't very bright is it? What a knob

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2019 14:48

Don't respond to threats ever lovely, ignore. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2019 14:48

OF COURSE you should report him. He's harassing and threatening you. Be absolutely sure to document EVERYTHING. Every text, email, call, etc. You should put an immediate end to the Skype calls and consider blocking him on your phone.

Zwischenwasser · 31/01/2019 14:48

If I do press charges and he is convicted he would lose his job

Hopefully that will make him stop and think. Nobber.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2019 14:48

p.s. Yes you should have already pressed charges.

LadyandGent · 31/01/2019 14:50

When you start thinking you know better than police, you're screwing yourself.
Do you think things won't ramp up if you don't report him?
He's going to screw you over anyway, might as well get him done for it while he's at it.

Iloveautumnleaves · 31/01/2019 14:50

I have a different opinion. I’d just let him carry on. I’d keep every single message. I’d look at it as an investment for the future. The more of a twat you can prove he is, the less likely he will get much contact with the kids, he may even get what he has now reduced. I’d play the long game.

Definitely don’t cancel the CMS though.

Hugglessnuggles · 31/01/2019 14:53

Do what the police advised

Original poster
Marlboroandmalbec34 · 31/01/2019 14:54

Thank you everyone. I think I will send him a version of @redastherose message and then if he messages again I will go back to police.

I cannot stop contact or Skype as its court ordered unfortunately. I am thinking of getting a phone just for him. I cannot block him as the children are too young and I would be terrified of something happening when he takes them on holiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marlboroandmalbec34 · 31/01/2019 14:57

@iloveautumnleaves I think that’s what I have been doing. As much as possible I have ignored and print screened them but it’s getting worse not better

The thing is the dc adore him so whilst I wish he would fuck off to the far side of fuckity my 3 year old would be crushed if he had less contact.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 31/01/2019 15:05

Yes get another phone for him alone, and keep it switched off when you don't need to hear from him.

I'm not sure what the law is on this, but if you told him beforehand could you record the Skype calls and show them to court - if he continues to swear at you in front of the children surely you can stop the calls until they're old enough to not need you involved?

OopsInamechangedagain · 31/01/2019 15:13

At least if you get things formalised via the CMS you can chase him for back payments from when the case is opened. If he still won;t play ball and carries on with his harassment then press charges. Even if he did lose his job (which won't be much of an issue if he's capable of going self employed) you'll still be no worse off than you are now as he's been refusing to pay you anyway.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 31/01/2019 15:18

You can put an app on a phone too that records all the calls. Plus a panic button app can be downloaded too.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 31/01/2019 15:20

Always amazes me that these nasty brutish men seem to take pride in not supporting their children. Wow, you're so manly and capable there with your whining and temper tantrums and leeching off the new girlfriend. Why did you ever let this prince go, OP? He's kicking off because he's not getting his own way, and needs to keep the people around in him in a state of fear so he can feel superior in some way, because he sure as hell can't draw self-esteem from his behaviour.

EmeraldShamrock · 31/01/2019 15:22

He is a thug, can you apply for a no contact order.
Definitely call the police, do not underestimate this bully, he sounds awful.
Stay strong, record any contact and do not speak to him unless it is a last option.
Hopefully when he sees you are sticking to your guns he will get on with payments.
What a dick.
Please log his threats.