Equal time off

[JustAnotherOneOfThemUsers]

Married parents. Parent A's a WOHP Mon-Fri, parent B's a SAHP. Childcare shared 50/50 when A's at home. Parent A had a work "crisis" requiring them to work a weekend, so parent B had to do childcare all weekend. Parent A says that this was a "joint sacrifice". Parent B feels that they did parent A a favour, and A should (e.g.) do all the childcare next weekend. Who is BU?

Is parent B going to work? It sounds a bit too "tit for tat" a genuine work emergency isn't "dodging childcare", it can be hugely punishing. If anything A will be more frazzled come next weekend having worked 12 straight days under pressure.

I'd say, as parent B does 50% childcare when at home (and I'm assuming housework, this would make a difference) that them working is allowing the sahp to not have to work and, unless the sahp wanted to go back to work and take on the financial responsibility, they should be understanding to the work emergency and just take the hit that weekend. Things like this usually even out in the long run anyway.

If the childcare and housework was 100% on sahp all the time, my response would be significantly different.

**ffs parent A!

They won't be staying married for long with that kind of attitude so maybe it's best if they get used to having the child alternate weekends...
Person B is clearly being unreasonable but you knew that and are clearly parent A

Come on then OP, which one are you / what do you think?

Sounds ridiculous.

Parent A has to work

Parent B is sahp so has to take care of child when parent A is working ????

Arguing about it instead of just supporting each other . Very disfuctional

All I can say is im glad that I never had this with dp. Dp would do childcare when I was away for work throughout the week, and thought nothing of jumping in if I suddenly had work problems at the weekend that needed seeing too. Plus actually we never had a ‘do childcare’- if we were both home then we done it together.

What a terrible attitude. Why have kids if they are just a burden to squabble over!?!?

Why don’t A and B plan some lovely family activities with their kids this weekend and enjoy themselves?

Parent A should acknowledge that the weekend was tough for Parent B doing all the childcare on their own (a little present wouldn't go amiss). Parent B should acknowledge that it's pretty shitty having to work all weekend. Have a lazy weekend this weekend, then book a babysitter next weekend and have a nice night out to give yourselves a treat and remember you do actually like each other.

Equal time off also does not make you sound like a family

Looking after children isn’t transactional.

If Parent A is a fully functioning engaged parent when they are there and are there most weekends then I think B is being unreasonable.

I think it would be nice if B had some extended time out over the weekend but I disagree they ‘did them a favour’.

This is all very petty when the bigger picture suggests one parent is working full time outside the home but fully pulling their weight when they are there.

Not enough info.

Very small or high needs vs school age kids. Neurosurgeon/police officer vs a low stress office role

Parent A is right. One day off each next weekend if that's what you want, or joint family time if that's what you want.

Parent A should LTB. For starters, Parent B clearly doesn't believe there was a crisis at work. Parent B might not have had a break from childcare but Parent A hasn't had a break from work. The work which enables Parent B to be a SAHP.

Parent B is BU

What a bizarre way to carry on. All this fuss over one weekend? FGS.

Both parents had to work extra that weekend.

That doesn’t change the fact that Parent B may very well need a little break worked in somehow. Something akin the the lunch or coffee breaks that parent A gets regularly. So maybe one evening soon parent B goes out for coffee or whatever it is that gives parent b a little break from the kids.

I have just reread this post poor dc .

Sounds like no one actually wants to spend time with them.

I think it’s pathetic. You covered the weekend so parent can work. Big deal. Shift workers here and this is what we do.

Whenever A is working, B should be doing childcare. Whether that’s normal weekdays or overtime or overnight trips or weekends. Both parents should be sharing the childcare any time that A is not working.

A is right, having to work the weekend is a joint sacrifice. You both have to work the weekend in different ways.

Is op going to come back and confirm which one they are?

I think op is A.

I think both parents worked that weekend, neither had a break! It's hard for both of them. Unless the working was going on a jolly that they enjoyed

arethereanyleftatall me too, I just like it confirmed haha

Of course B is being utterly unreasonable. They both had to work extra that weekend.

If B dislikes being with the kids to that extent, it would be much better for everyone if he/she just got a job and arranged childcare. I'd hate to see my kids as a chore.