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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Equal time off

64 replies

JustAnotherOneOfThemUsers · 30/01/2019 22:40

Married parents. Parent A's a WOHP Mon-Fri, parent B's a SAHP. Childcare shared 50/50 when A's at home. Parent A had a work "crisis" requiring them to work a weekend, so parent B had to do childcare all weekend. Parent A says that this was a "joint sacrifice". Parent B feels that they did parent A a favour, and A should (e.g.) do all the childcare next weekend. Who is BU?

OP posts:

Paperplain · 31/01/2019 07:11

Tit for tat parenting which isn't healthy for anyone. I sometimes have to work late late hours and then weekends on top and if my DH said he was due a weekend "off" because of that I seriously wouldn't be impressed. As it is, because I miss my children when I'm going through a busy patch when I can i actively WANT to spend one on one time with them to read-group.

OnBail · 31/01/2019 07:12

So poor person A (the op) worked all week, had to work all weekend, has to work all this week then have the kids all weekend. So when is person A’s down time? Very unfair.

And a little prezzie wouldn’t go amiss? For looking after your own child? Bloody crazy. Why can’t the SAHP buy the op a present for having to work all weekend?

adaline · 31/01/2019 07:20

I think A could be more appreciative of how tough it is to look after children for what will be 12 days straight without any real downtime.

Yes, work is work and it's hard but you do at least get adult conversation and the chance to eat a meal and pee without a child in your shadow!

BlitheringIdiots · 31/01/2019 07:22

You keep score OP about looking after your own child??!

workornot · 31/01/2019 07:24

when did parents start providing 'childcare' for their own children? it's called parenting and spending time with the DC (dp and I work, 1DC is severely disabled - neither of us gets time 'off' so to speak).

OP, your children must feel really wanted if their parents argue about who should be providing 'weekend childcare'.

TheBigBangRocks · 31/01/2019 07:28

Poor kids, they are obviously seen as a burden by parent B.

Parent A is financing the household, it's not a favour to look after your own children fgs it's called being a parent. I'd be telling B to go back to work if that was their attitude to my work that was funding their non working lifestyle.

adaline · 31/01/2019 07:31

Poor kids, they are obviously seen as a burden by parent B.

I don't think so - I think B is saying that looking after small children for 12 days straight is bloody tough going. They normally get help at the weekend and it wasn't provided.

I don't think that means in anyway that parent A should be on duty the entire of the next weekend but maybe some recognition both ways would be nice? It's not how either of them wanted the weekend to go, I'm sure.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/01/2019 07:41

Parent A is right. But it would be polite for them to have thanked parent B and been appreciative of the extra work they had to do.

ScreamingValenta · 31/01/2019 07:44

They both had to 'work' the weekend, so should carry on as normal after that.

anniehm · 31/01/2019 07:49

Parent b is being vu work crisis happen, that work is paying the bills. Working all weekend isn't dodging childcare! It would be nice for parent a to suggest the following weekend parent b gets 2-3 hours of "me time" but certainly not the whole weekend. I was a sahm the deal is you do the childcare mostly in return for all the bills etc being paid by the working parent, help from them is only when they aren't at work.

Ladyoftheloch · 31/01/2019 07:55

Seems like small beer. If it’s happening regularly I would understand wanting to make sure there’s balance, but for one weekend I couldn’t get too invested in it.

RedSkyLastNight · 31/01/2019 07:58

Well let's extend this to other situations.

If B is ill at the weekend is A doing them a favour if they look after the children?
If B' mum is in hospital and needs support, is A doing B a favour if they look after the children?
If A looks after the DC while B (say) deals with tradespeople or goes to a meeting at school, is this doing A a favour?

Or are these things just part of the normal give and take of 2 parents? If this was every weekend, I'd suggest that both parents should look at ways to get a break, but it wasn't ...

AlexaShutUp · 31/01/2019 07:59

But it would be polite for them to have thanked parent B and been appreciative of the extra work they had to do.

Would you also expect parent B to thank A for the extra work that they had to do?

I can't believe that someone suggested A should buy a present for B to thank them. WTF! A is not off doing a hobby, they are both working for the mutual good of the family. Be appreciative of each other, by all means, but recognise that neither is doing anyone any favours!

greathat · 31/01/2019 09:23

Attitude of both is horrendous. Poor kids!

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