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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed at 12 week scan?

67 replies

Mamalexi343 · 30/01/2019 20:36

Hi everyone just wondering if IBU

We went for our 12 week scan the other day and it's left me feeling a bit disappointed, we arrived in good time and I'd downed a large bottle of water so my bladder was full per to their instructions and we were then left waiting for over an hour all the while I was terrified I would sneeze and pee myself lol

We are eventually seen and I'm immediately told I have to go for 'half a pee' because my bladder was too full (gee I wonder why) so I did and then they said the TV monitor was broken so we would just have to look at the scan monitor which was fine but as the image of our little one popped up she didn't turn the screen so I could see only my DH so he got to see baby for a while before me. I asked if she could turn the screen so I could see too and she said it doesn't turn that way so I'll just have to try to look without raising my body which was near enough impossible as it was turned so far away.

I caught a glimpse of baby for a second and then a second nurse starts talking to me about my blood results so I had to listen to her and before I knew it the scan was over.

Now I know these scans are to check baby is healthy and growing well but after suffering 4 miscarriages I was so desperate to see my baby for myself to know it was alive and everything was ok.

We were given some pictures and quickly ushered out the room so I didn't have time to ask any questions.

AIBU? My DH says I have pictures so I should feel fine knowing that everything is ok but I can't help but feel I missed out, he got to see baby and was saying things like oh look there's a hand, oh it's touching it's face and I didn't get to see that.

Sorry for the long rant I just feel a bit upset by it all Confused

OP posts:
darceybussell · 30/01/2019 20:41

Sorry it didn't go to plan OP, and sorry for your losses Thanks

At least you know everything is ok. Why not book a private scan so you and DH can go and see everything properly.

YetAnotherThing · 30/01/2019 20:41

It’s a bit crappy, but as you say the aim of it was achieved. If you want to have another scan those private baby clinics are not very expensive and will be more holistic.

Waveysnail · 30/01/2019 20:45

It's the nhs and as u said it's to check the baby. Book yourself a private scan so you can have a bit more time and ask questions

User758172 · 30/01/2019 20:45

YAB a bit U. The aim was achieved and all was well. There was nothing they could do about broken equipment. Look into a scan at a private baby clinic.

purplemirrors · 30/01/2019 20:46

I understand why you feel like this, maybe go for a private scan xx

Bombardier25966 · 30/01/2019 20:48

You are being unreasonable because you know that the purpose of the scan is not for you to have a look. If you want more time and better facilities you need to go private.

I'm sorry about your past losses. I hope things go well for you moving forward.

Shadow1986 · 30/01/2019 20:49

I understand your disappointment OP but YABU to moan. They were probably running an hour late because they’d likely had an emergency or difficult case to deal with before you, so you can’t really moan about that. The screen, well this is the NHS. I think you should book a private scan where it will be a completely different experience.

WineAndTiramisu · 30/01/2019 20:51

I'd book a private scan, will give you plenty of time to look. Unfortunately the NHS one is medical, so as long as they can see that's all that matters really

Smoggle · 30/01/2019 20:52

You know you can pay for a scan if you want to watch the screen and enjoy it as an event?

A medical scan will prioritise necessity over enjoyment.

Original poster
Mamalexi343 · 30/01/2019 20:57

DH won't do a private scan, he's seen baby so everything is fine in his opinion, no point paying more money for something we've seen.

I know it's the NHS and they can't help broken equipment but we'd talked about my previous MCs and they said they would make sure I could see baby.

Like I said I understand that it's for medical purposes but at the end of the day I'm still human to want to confirm for my own piece of mind that baby is there any everything is ok instead of everyone else saying it, not that I don't believe them.

it was just the manner of it all really I think. And of course I'm happy baby is healthy as that's all that matters but I still would have like to have seen it.

OP posts:
Skimmedmilk1 · 30/01/2019 20:58

It's disappointing, but you do realise they were probably running late as they were consoling someone who unexpectedly found no heartbeat?

Smoggle · 30/01/2019 20:59

Your dh doesn't have to go to the private scan, go on your own.

timetoriseandshine · 30/01/2019 21:00

@Mamalexi343 do you need your husbands permission to have a private scan? If so I think you need to rethink your relationship. If not then book one off your own back and go yourself

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 30/01/2019 21:02

To be honest even when they point stuff out, at 12 weeks it's just a blob. It comes in and out of focus, so the picture is actually the most clear thing. Sorry it wasn't what you wanted but soon you'll have lots of things to look forward to - feeling it move in a few weeks and the 20 weeks scan a few weeks later where hopefully it will all be working and you will be able to see lots more anyway. If it's broken again you could ask your husband to take a video for you?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 30/01/2019 21:03

Also private scans are a lot of money, I think it's normal for couples who share finances to consult with each other on large purchases especially with a baby coming!

Chingling · 30/01/2019 21:08

Also private scans are a lot of money, I think it's normal for couples who share finances to consult with each other on large purchases especially with a baby coming!

From about £50?

HexagonalBattenburg · 30/01/2019 21:08

Even at the 20 week scan if the baby's not in a cooperative mood it can be a bit of a wash-out. DD1 showed what a stroppy bugger she still is now by shoving her hand out to block the view like a celeb fighting the paparazzi and then turned over to just give us a splendid view of her arse! She's still a stroppy contrary sod now!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/01/2019 21:10

I don't think you should accept your h saying no. He might have seen the baby, but you the one who's actually pregnant hasn't. Very mean of him imo to object.

Sunshinewithshowers123 · 30/01/2019 21:11

Our private scan was £37. I realise this price will vary on location. We were blown away by the quality compared to the NHS scans I'd had in previous pregnancies. Utterly amazing experience.

PolkaDoting · 30/01/2019 21:15

Your husband won’t let you have a scan?

FFS!

Rachelweasel · 30/01/2019 21:16

I had a crappy experience for our 12 week scan too but for different reasons. I completely understand where you're coming from, you need to know and see yourself for your own peace of mind. I was the same. If you can't do a private scan, the 20 week one will be here before you know it. They check a lot more then so you can hopefully watch the whole thing if the screen is working. We were in there for about 15 minutes so had a good look :)

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, it's so exciting!

ThunderStorms · 30/01/2019 21:16

Go by yourself to get a private scan. Ours was not more than £50.

Barbie222 · 30/01/2019 21:17

I'd just pay for a private scan. Wait a bit longer so you'll have better pictures and it will let you save up too. I wouldn't blame the nurse here at all, the objective was achieved. If money is tight, they will have likely fixed their machine by 20 weeks and you'll get a much better picture.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2019 21:19

I can understand that you feel like that.

Hopefully you will see the 20 week one. And before you know it you will have the baby to look at.

I am not sure about private scans. IIRC you aren't recommended to have any scans that aren't necessary.

Dairymilkmuncher · 30/01/2019 21:21

In a couple weeks if you still feel the same way go for a private scan.

This isn't up to your DH, it's upto you