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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed at 12 week scan?

67 replies

Mamalexi343 · 30/01/2019 20:36

Hi everyone just wondering if IBU

We went for our 12 week scan the other day and it's left me feeling a bit disappointed, we arrived in good time and I'd downed a large bottle of water so my bladder was full per to their instructions and we were then left waiting for over an hour all the while I was terrified I would sneeze and pee myself lol

We are eventually seen and I'm immediately told I have to go for 'half a pee' because my bladder was too full (gee I wonder why) so I did and then they said the TV monitor was broken so we would just have to look at the scan monitor which was fine but as the image of our little one popped up she didn't turn the screen so I could see only my DH so he got to see baby for a while before me. I asked if she could turn the screen so I could see too and she said it doesn't turn that way so I'll just have to try to look without raising my body which was near enough impossible as it was turned so far away.

I caught a glimpse of baby for a second and then a second nurse starts talking to me about my blood results so I had to listen to her and before I knew it the scan was over.

Now I know these scans are to check baby is healthy and growing well but after suffering 4 miscarriages I was so desperate to see my baby for myself to know it was alive and everything was ok.

We were given some pictures and quickly ushered out the room so I didn't have time to ask any questions.

AIBU? My DH says I have pictures so I should feel fine knowing that everything is ok but I can't help but feel I missed out, he got to see baby and was saying things like oh look there's a hand, oh it's touching it's face and I didn't get to see that.

Sorry for the long rant I just feel a bit upset by it all

OP posts:

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/01/2019 22:34

My NHS scan was quite long as the baby was moving so much but I didn’t get to see much at all on the screen. My husband was gasping in wonder but I couldn’t sit up so saw very little. I understood though as I wanted to ensure the sonogrspher was doing a thorough job. No wall screen there either. We had 3 private scans and they were all amazing experiences though!

Igotthemheavyboobs · 30/01/2019 22:36

Yanbu OP, I would be really upset too. Is there an option for you to get a private one done? I think they are about £80 but might help put your mind at ease.

Good luck on the rest of your pregnancy!

CoffeeRunner · 30/01/2019 22:38

I don’t recall being shown my baby on the screen at 12 weeks at all (I have 3).

At 20 weeks certainly, but pretty sure I only got a photo at 12 weeks.

I’m sorry but the NHS is there to check your health & that of your baby. Not to provide nice photos.

Heronwatcher · 30/01/2019 22:51

Sorry OP but I do think you’re being (understandably) a bit U, but then I have never understood this idea that scans are the equivalent of an intra-uterine slide show for all the family. In our parents’ day there was no scanning at all. My own 12 week scans didn’t even look like a baby, and my 20 week scans for my eldest showed talipes and for my middle child spina bifida (talipes false alarm, spina bifida confirmed, child thankfully doing brilliantly all in all). If you walk out of a scan and you get an all clear you’ve basically won the lottery! Plus the nhs is absolutely on its knees. I’d give it a few days and if you’re actually worried rather than a bit disappointed then as others have said most private scans are affordable, especially if you look for discounts etc (plus who made your partner boss of scans?!).

Justaboy · 30/01/2019 22:55

I would have thought that knowing your past sad experinces that he could have been a bit more thoughtfull, really do!.

Tartsamazeballs · 30/01/2019 23:02

You'll enjoy the 20 week scan- it's so in depth. I hope you have a sonographer like we had for our second- she walked through every nook and cranny of our baby explaining all the while. It was "this is the heart, all four chambers, this is the liver and here are the kidneys, bladder, here's the femur, bow I'm doing measurements of xyz" it was absolutely fascinating.

I think your 12 week scan does sound disappointing, we saw our first baby do a little wave at us. If you have the disposable income I'd definitely tell husband you're doing the private scan and that's all there is to it. I'd probably book it and tell him he's welcome to attend. If not take a friend to be excited with.

Is it possible that your partner is being a bit cold to your feelings because he is struggling himself with your past losses? My friend had a similar number of losses as you and their midwife had to take the husband aside at 30-something weeks and say "you know you're having a baby this time, not a miscarriage?" As he was subconsciously refusing to accept and bond with the pregnancy. It was weird.

gallicgirl · 30/01/2019 23:06

You can get scans on Groupon sometimes. Take your mum or sister if DH isn't interested

Starlight456 · 30/01/2019 23:09

I think apart from the obvious why does your dh get to decide?

The fact they were running late will mean they are playing catch up . They may of been behind for all sorts of complications.

I have seen offers on groupon before in money is tight

Sindragosan · 30/01/2019 23:16

It can feel like a long time between the 12 and 20 week scans, so if you are going to go to a private scan, one around 16 weeks might help ease anxiety a little.

Anyat212 · 30/01/2019 23:30

I don’t think YABU at all OP. I’d be gutted if I was in your shoes (I’m 29 weeks pregnant at the moment) and my first scan was okay I couldn’t have praised the staff enough.

I don’t think OP is comparing her experience of waiting around to others who haven’t heard a heartbeat. I think she was talking about the whole experience in general and not being able to see her little one moving around on the screen like her partner. It’s not a competition nor an excuse to brush things off as “well it’s the NHS” As someone else mentioned we all pay into this service. OP wasn’t exactly expecting to have a red carpet rolled out for her with champagne on arrival - but literally to see her little baby for the first time on the screen is hardly unreasonable particularly with her history.

I too would vouch for a private scan OP you can get fab deals online as PP have said and it is a long wait from 12 weeks to 20 weeks. I personally didn’t get one however, if I had a similar experience to you I would. It’s a lovely feeling.. Good luck in your pregnancy

Bigonesmallone3 · 30/01/2019 23:41

After the losses u have been through u should get a private scan!
I paid £39 for mine.. well worth it for that reassurance..
It's not your husbands decision to make, he's not been through it like you have

Youseethethingis · 31/01/2019 07:45

Your peace of mind is worth £30 or so. Get the private scan and shame on your selfish husband.

Meangirls36 · 31/01/2019 08:39

Get one of those super posh 3d scan thingies

starshollow1 · 31/01/2019 08:53

Go and have a private scan OP. There is nothing like seeing your baby moving their tiny hands in that first scan. It's unlike any of the others really. I say this as someone who also had a miscarriage, probably why I place so much significance on it. It replaced the horrific 'empty' scan from the first time that was all I had in my mind before.

KonekoBasu · 31/01/2019 10:54

YANBU. When I had mine it was set up so you could see the same screen the sonographer could see, there wasn't a separate screen.

I think considering your history being able to see would be beneficial for your mental health and therefore would be a medical need. At the very least they could have allowed your DH to film it on his mobile.

MissB83 · 31/01/2019 10:57

There are always promos on private scan places on voucher sites. Or a few friends had great scans at Mothercare? (Bigger branches).

Mmmhmmm · 31/01/2019 12:08

Can you just pay for the private scan yourself and go without your DH?

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