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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my bigger friend to borrow my clothes?

62 replies

Harriettah · 29/01/2019 23:07

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet. A friend of mine who is a mum recommended that I join here even though I'm childless because there's loads of useful life advice generally. I hope that's ok.

So my problem is that I have a really close friend who I live with. The last couple of weeks though she keeps asking if she can borrow various items of my clothing. I'm a size 6-8 on the top, and a 10-12 on the bottom, whilst she's a 16 for context. She has a lovely figure, she's just shaped very differently to me.

I have said yes to her borrowing my clothes as I don't want to hurt her feelings by implying that she's big in any way, especially because she is quite sensitive about her weight. She just returned a top of mine though and it's stretched out so doesn't look flattering on me anymore. I haven't said anything about this yet.

How do I tell her gently and kindly that I don't want her to borrow my clothing in the future if she asks again?

OP posts:
timeforteaplease1 · 29/01/2019 23:08

Just keep saying no til she takes the hint.

Nellabella · 29/01/2019 23:10

Just say no!

BumbleBeee69 · 29/01/2019 23:11

Stop being kind and be honest, tell her your clothes do not fit YOU after she has worn them, no insults required it's a simple case of differing bodies.

Don't be a doormat, when it comes to the clothes you have bought and cared for, stand up for your Clothes Flowers

Notcontent · 29/01/2019 23:12

Just say no and explain that you don’t like sharing clothes.

I am very attached to my clothes and would hate having someone borrowing them on a regular basis.

Original poster
Harriettah · 29/01/2019 23:22

Thanks for your responses. I suppose the obvious answer is just to say no, but then she'll ask why and I know she'll be upset if I mention her body or size. The issue with saying that I don't like sharing clothes is that I've lent another friend clothes many times who is the same size as me, so I probably wouldn't sound very consistent iygm.

Maybe I'm just being over sensitive because I know I'd be devastated if anyone even insinuated that I'm big, but maybe that's my years of poor body image and disordered eating talking!

OP posts:
PiningForTheFjords · 29/01/2019 23:28

How about "Sorry Tracey, your boobs are bigger than mine and my tops can't take it! I got it at xxx shop though, you should definitely get one for yourself"

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 23:32

As pp above said- I’m sorry but your boobs are bigger then mine and we are a different shape. You know that top I leant you? Well it’s stretched a little and doesn’t fit me now, and I can’t afford to keep buying new clothes. You understand’ and then a big smile! 🤷🏻‍♀️

EugenesAxe · 29/01/2019 23:47

I agree with last two posters. You just need to say that you didn’t think the differences in body shape would matter too much, but that they must as the top you lent doesn’t fit you anymore, and you can’t afford to keep replacing clothes.

I’m a bit pissed off on your behalf TBH. I’m quite big and I would always be aware of the potential for stretching if I ever had to borrow clothes. Speaking as someone who is a size 16, if you’re a larger size you can’t be all offended if someone points out the difference in a practical way. You should lose weight or face facts.

whatsthepointthen · 29/01/2019 23:51

Just say no, I dont think ive ever borrowed anyones clothes Confused

pigsDOfly · 29/01/2019 23:52

If she's a size 16 how on earth is she getting into your clothes they must be incredibly tight on her.

Bumblebee39 · 29/01/2019 23:54

I wouldn't lend someone my clothes or borrow them off someone else

I did a couple of times in the past (last minute nights out) but regretted it because what I borrowed looked dreadful or what I leant came back stretched or damaged
Tbh that was a teenage/early 20s thing anyway not something I would do as a fully fledged grown up

These days I'd have to wash them first anyway

PositivelyPERF · 29/01/2019 23:56

There is no way She doesn’t know that the clothes are too tight on her. If she has stretched your top, then she must have felt it right on her or squeezed into it. She just doesn’t care and is putting her needs before yours. I think you need to go down the bigger boobs line, if you don’t want to tell her outright.

Inertia · 30/01/2019 00:00

How on earth is she even fitting into your clothes? I'm a size 14 , my DD is a size 6-8. I'd barely fit one boob in to one of her tops.

Original poster
Harriettah · 30/01/2019 00:03

Just to clarify, a lot of the tops she's borrowed off me have been those that are intentionally a bit oversized to have a looser fit on you. But for the stretched one it's now too 'oversized' for me and looks silly.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 30/01/2019 00:05

Omg I once did this to something a friend leant me on holiday to cover up when I was sunburnt. I was absolutely mortified and never borrowed anything from her again. You do need to say no OP. The bigger boobs excuse is a good one.

TheMaddHugger · 30/01/2019 00:06

Hiya and Welcome ((((Hugs))))🌸🌼🌺💐🌻😻

RCohle · 30/01/2019 00:07

I'd just say you're not actually a big fan of sharing clothes. I doubt she's likely to actually challenge you on the inconsistency even if she thinks of it. If she does maybe say you haven't felt comfortable telling other friend how you feel but you know she is so understanding and easy to talk to that she'll totally get it.

Ellie56 · 30/01/2019 00:10

I'd give her the last top she's stretched, and say sorry you can't lend any more as you are different body shapes/her boobs are bigger.

Why does she not buy her own clothes?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 30/01/2019 00:10

Can you not put the stretched top on in front of her and show her the problem? I'd be mortified if I did that to someone's clothes, I used to borrow my dads jumpers when I was a teen as baggy jumpers were fashionable. He moaned about my boobs damaging the shape which I dismissed until he put the jumper on in front if me and I could clearly see two globes and realised it was a permanent change , if she's upset, that's awkward but unless you can afford a whole new wardrobe you are gonna have to be assertive . My dad had to give me the ruined jumper but I felt bad and didn't do it again.

HelloDarlin · 30/01/2019 00:14

I have a mate who used to want to borrow my shoes. She’s two sizes bigger!

FortunesFave · 30/01/2019 00:15

YANBU. I'm small on top and my big busted mate RUINED a number of my tops. They never came back to their original shape.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 30/01/2019 00:21

She can't be unaware that she is 4 dress sizes bigger than you!

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/01/2019 00:24

The borrowing clothes seems to be a 'thing' these days. I dont remember doing it, but my niece and her friends do it all the time - my sister constantly sees my niece is wearing something 'new' and its a friends item.

Aridane · 30/01/2019 00:29

I would give her the stretched top as she liked it enough to borrow it, explain that being blessed with boobs (lucky thing!) she's stretched it and it now doesn't work for you because of this, and probably best you don't lend her anything else! But, hey, why do we go out clothes shoppers no together?

user1473878824 · 30/01/2019 00:30

“I’m so sorry, I actually really hate lending clothes to people. I just haven’t had the guts to say so to XSameSizeAsMe, but you get it, right? Sorry! If you like it though I bought it from *”