AIBU to not let my 11 year old have Whatsapp?

[thehorseandhisboy]

I've always been of the 'I'm not going to break age limit guidelines' frame of mind, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to have to crack re Whatsapp. DD is in Y7, has only had a phone since the summer and can only call and text. She has no unsupervised online access.

A sporting activity that my child does outside school uses Whatsapp to communicate, as a register etc. She is the only one not on Whatsapp, so doesn't want to go to the activity as she feels left out. I get this and as the teachers are in the group, I sort of think it would be okay to let her have it.

Which would open the door to wanting to be in other groups etc.

What - if any - messaging apps to your Y7s use? I'm very mindful of their potential harms, but am wondering whether letting her use them while she's still talking to us is actually the best and safest way forward?

TIA

I'd think it wasn't appropriate for the teachers/leaders of this sport to be in a group chat with children!

Parents and leaders but not children!

My y6 has started using WhatsApp with the proviso that I will dip in at any time to read messages and I need to know all WhatsApp friends. We also started a family group with her. So far so good and she no longer feels left out at school. I won't alow SnapChat as the messages disappear!

Sorry posted too soon..

My 11 year old has WA but it's not caused an issue. My friend with girls have said there has been issues in group chats etc but my ds doesn't seem fussed with them as the constant notifications annoy him!

It's all Nintendo switch atm... I don't allow Snapchat and insta Facebook etc

It's not used as a 'group chat' per se. It's how people let the teachers/leaders know if they're not going to be there, send reminders etc.

I don’t think WhatsApp is much different to normal messaging to be honest; you can have group messages in text messages and share pictures. It is easier in what’sapp but I wouldn’t call it social media.

I think that's it. It's easy to not allow things if your child isn't fussed about them. DD isn't fussed about Snapchat and the like and not being on it doesn't cause her to be the odd one out in a sporting team, so it's easy to say no to that!

My daughter is in year 6 and 11 years old. She got a mobile for Christmas. She was the last girl in her entire class to get one. I won't let her have any apps she's underage for, like instagram, snap chat etc. However, I do allow Whatsapp as all her friends have it and it's how they communicate. I do look at her messages and chats fairly regularly, just to make sure there's nothing inappropriate or mean is being said. She knows I check her phone, it was a condition of her being allowed the phone. So far, there has been no problems with whatsapp. It appears to be the only way they communicate, ie, no one texts. They also use it to video call and chat to each other. So far, so good.

Yeah I suppose in year 7 they can take more responsibility for arrangements etc... working in education the idea of being in students what's app group seems uncomfortable!

I work in a 16 + environment and oversee our student union but wouldn't dream of being added to their group chat!

I think WA if monitored tho is fine 🙂

The minimum age for WhatsApp use is 16 OP

i think whatsapp is fine for an 11 year old, especially for what she wants to use it for. I personally would also let her join the groups her friends create, so they can all chat together, however if it made you feel more comfortable you could let her know that you will be checking these chats daily, to see what is being said. you can also change who can see her profile picture, when she was last on whatsapp etc. (To do this, click on the WhatsApp icon on your phone’s home screen, then tap the 3 dots on the top right then tap Settings > Account > Privacy > Status.) to be honest, i think the main problem with whatsapp is the chain messages that get sent around by younger children. i would have a conversation with her before she gets the app about these messages, and what to do if she receives them (say sorry i dont send chain messages, and then ignore them).

all the best x

I won't let DD have it (also 11). You can message anyone with What's app if you have their number in your phone (e.g. if you type a random number and they happen to have What's app). If you haven't shared a number with someone but are in a group chat with them you can see their number. I don't mind this when using it as an adult - but I can see how it woukd cause problens as a teenager.

I have allowed her to have Skype and set it up so that she can only be contacted by people in her contacts list- which means she can message use photos and vice versa without charges to her phone bill. She also uses Google duo to video call her friends to void using all their minutes.

I would love a what's app style app that allowed more control over who can be added / people not seeing your details if you aren't in their group.

Aaaargh apologies for all the typos above. She messages us using Skype.
Her friends avoid using all their minutes.

The safeguarding training I've received is that the parents should be in the Whatsapp group with the leaders and not the children! If the sporting activity teachers are doing this as a job (ie they're not volunteers), then they should know better.

My DD 11 (year 6) has whatsapp, insta, snapchat and twitter. All heavily regulated and set to private. I check her phone every night, I follow her on insta and she needs to ask before she accepts or follows anyone on any of them. She even asked my permission to let my sister (her aunt) follow her so I know she took me seriously!! Most of her friends with phones have the same socials she does.

Today was the first tine my Y7 12 yr old dd asked about WhatsApp.
I’m a bit unsure still, I’ve asked her to give me a reason why WhatsApp is any better to use over messaging when she has unlimited messages. I’d she can reasonably convince me then I might say yes.

As to ‘leaders/coaches’ using WhatsApp with their team this is definitely a safeguarding concern if there isn’t a parent of each child on the chat as well.
Adults should not put themselves in a position where they be open to accusations of abuse and having young people’s phone numbers on your personal phone stored as contacts is a no no.

I think WhatsApp is fine. It's the only one DS 10 has so he can send photos to family etc. And have long meaningless emoji exchanges with his pals...

Its only like a text.

I wouldn't. It's not something you can monitor externally because it's encrypted.

As a volunteer with a youth organisation I would never have children on the WhatsApp group! It is very definitely for parents and volunteers to communicate. It would be hugely against the safeguarding rules to allow what you’re suggesting.

I’d say the same about texting the coaches btw. It’s not specifically a WhatsApp concern. All non face to face communication should go through the parent.

Well the minimum age for WhatsApp is 16
parentinfo.org/article/whatsapp-a-guide-for-parents-and-carers

My 11 yr old hasn’t got Wattsapp, or Instagram or any of the other things some yr 7s have got. He didn’t have a phone until secondary school and that is monitored (not that I don’t trust him).DCs Football team, team, dance school groups only have adults in.

I don’t see the difference between WhatsApp and texting/i messaging but I’m happy to be corrected.

DD uses all, but she discusses who is in what group and knows that I sporadically look at her messages.

WhatsApp group messaging is a real hive for bullying and excluding behaviour.

It’s not allowed for under 16s.

To send individual messages it’s not a problem but as soon as you’re on it people can add you into a conversation.

It's so tricky! We have always done WhatsApp to save running up messages for sending gifs etc and haven't had any issue. My DD is also year 7 and last weekend we set up Instagram which I'm still quite nervous about but all is well so far. She has a locked down account and will be 13 this year. I haven't allowed snap chat yet. Most of her friends have WhatsApp and some of them use an app called telegram which is the same but more locked down?? Proviso is I know the password and can look at messages etc whenever I would like to. To be honest it's more used for modern day equivalent of chain letters with DD friends..