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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not let my 11 year old have Whatsapp?

84 replies

thehorseandhisboy · 29/01/2019 18:56

I've always been of the 'I'm not going to break age limit guidelines' frame of mind, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to have to crack re Whatsapp. DD is in Y7, has only had a phone since the summer and can only call and text. She has no unsupervised online access.

A sporting activity that my child does outside school uses Whatsapp to communicate, as a register etc. She is the only one not on Whatsapp, so doesn't want to go to the activity as she feels left out. I get this and as the teachers are in the group, I sort of think it would be okay to let her have it.

Which would open the door to wanting to be in other groups etc.

What - if any - messaging apps to your Y7s use? I'm very mindful of their potential harms, but am wondering whether letting her use them while she's still talking to us is actually the best and safest way forward?

TIA

OP posts:
SinceYouAskMe · 29/01/2019 22:08

Regardless of the OP’s question, an age limit of 16 for WhatsApp is wildly unenforceable. How would anyone ever get their GCSE drama project done? DD’s entire life is organised on WA.

Surfingtheweb · 29/01/2019 22:15

It's the same as text & has security settings. I don't think you're unreasonable, you do need to learn how things work though so you can make informed decisions.

Yolande7 · 29/01/2019 22:25

The difference between Whatsapp and texting is that you can send videos and photos for free. Quite a few children send inappropriate images or texts or are exposed to them. The underage daughter of a friend of mine just send a topless photo of herself to a boy. That is illegal. She thought it was "funny". There is a reason Whatsapp is for 16 year olds. You might think your child would never do that, but my kids had boys in their Y3 (!) class watching porn and that was in a very mclass primary school and their parents had no idea. 11 year olds don't understand the risks of sm.

Aenn · 29/01/2019 22:29

I’m going to sound like a misery guts here but WhatsApp has an age limit of 16. It’s shocking that a teacher/leader person is ignorant of this.

It most certainly isn’t just free messaging. WhatsApp own everything sent via the app, photos, info etc. It can do with it what it wants. In addition, WhatsApp is actually owned by Facebook. WhatsApp is also basically a fucking stalker, they know the details of all contacts, I think they know what device you’re using and the bloody app can actually track you I think and give your location to others.

Furthermore, children are far more inclined to write stuff they shouldn’t on group chats than they would be on a text conversation. It’s used for bullying as well in some cases.

I thought I read somewhere that WhatsApp was going to merge with Facebook.

I have a similar aged child begging for it as well. Education of parents and children isn’t keeping up with technology.

It’s a no, and the activity group shouldn’t be using it. Social suicide for your dd to tell them this though I suppose.

artisanscotcheggs · 29/01/2019 23:32

@Aenn whatsapp, Instagram and Facebook messenger will be merging.

artisanscotcheggs · 29/01/2019 23:35

@Aenn sorry I meant to add this

mashable.com/article/facebook-data-merge-privacy-concerns/?europe=true

grenadezombie · 29/01/2019 23:39

It's how people let the teachers/leaders know if they're not going to be there, send reminders etc.

That should be between you, the parent, and the leaders. Even if your child did have WhatsApp, the arrangements should go through you, not them.

Hotterthanahotthing · 29/01/2019 23:42

If joining a WhatsApp group is just for notifying about cancellations etc then why do t you join the group not your dad.That way you can share the info with her.
I would also be having a word with the teachers about this being a suitable site to encourage younger children to join.

SassitudeandSparkle · 29/01/2019 23:49

I don't like WhatsApp because, as a PP said, you can be added to a group by someone and then everyone in that group has got your phone number.

Titsywoo · 29/01/2019 23:51

Ds has WhatsApp and to be honest it's been a lifesaver. He's autistic and he's in group chats for his form and also a homework chat for his form. I keep an eye on it but it's helped him connect more with the other kids and the homework group is fab as he has huge issues with short term memory and on this chat they all remind each other what needs to be in the next day or whatever.

paxillin · 29/01/2019 23:58

All but one of the year 6 kids I know here have it.We do read the messages and all WhatsApp friends have to be real friends (and aged 10-11 or thereabout).

GaySon · 30/01/2019 00:26

I don't think that not allowing someone social media is good. It is their phone and they have a right to do whatever they want with it. Breaks it? You aren't the one paying. Constantly checking their messages is also a problem, since it is an invasion of privacy. If you are worried about inappropriate reasons, then why? If you don't want them to know about sex, why? They will find out either way, and since they are in middle school they probably already do. What is the problem with relationships? It's their life and the should learn from it. If they fuck up, it's their problem. That way, the mistakes they make will be learned by them. Just constantly saying one thing over and over again will not do anything except worsen your relationship between you and your child.

grenadezombie · 30/01/2019 00:34

I don't think that not allowing someone social media is good. It is their phone and they have a right to do whatever they want with it.

Not when they are 11 years old they don't. What an idiotic comment.

artisanscotcheggs · 30/01/2019 00:42

@GaySon uhh she's talking about an eleven year old CHILD. Not an adult or a sixteen year old.

hunibuni · 30/01/2019 01:05

DD (12) has Whatsapp with the condition that I can check at any time and her phine is handed in by 9:30 because some of her friends are constantly on their phones. She's told them all that I will be checking but so far all her contacts are school friends that I know and can contact their parents. She's not really interested in SM at this stage which makes it easier to police and guide her.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 30/01/2019 01:10

Gayson Hmm based on your response I'm going to hazard a guess you're not even old enough to drive, nevermind mature enough to give 'advice' that a 10/11 year olds privacy should trump their safety. And if you think its ok for a 10/11 year old to learn about sex via porn then you're beyond help and I hope you're never in a position of responsibility for a child's safeguarding as you clearly have zero awareness of boundaries.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 30/01/2019 01:12

Also nice first post...

CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 30/01/2019 01:26

I think whatsapp is fine for an 11 year old. Just have regular chats about keeping safe and being sensible. At secondary school none of the kids seem to text, it's all Whatsapp.

SuchAToDo · 30/01/2019 06:31

I would love a what's app style app that allowed more control over who can be added / people not seeing your details if you aren't in their group

That can be done with whatsapp, instead of accepting an invite to a larger whatsapp group filled with her friends and unknowns...your daughter can actually create her own group (nobody can add themselves to.it only by her adding them, ) meaning she can create a group just for her and her friends and no others can see it or comment on it etc...

PhilomenaButterfly · 30/01/2019 06:34

I think if the activity uses WhatsApp to communicate, she's going to have to have it, but you need to be free to check it.

Pinkprincess1978 · 30/01/2019 06:36

My 11 year old has what's app. I'm not one for breaking age guidelines either usually but I think what's app is important. Not least because his contract only allows 30 texts a month.

For me it is a messaging app not a social media app. Apparently he is the only one of his friends not allowed snap chat though.

huffleclaw · 30/01/2019 06:53

It would also be worth you signing in to 'WhatsApp Web' using her number. You can then see, read and access all messages sent. It would be an easy way to monitor if you had any worries.

Zoflorabore · 30/01/2019 06:57

I have 2 dc, ds is almost 16 and dd is almost 8, year 11 and 3 respectively.

My ds has AS. Whilst he is a very bright kid, his social skills need working on, he communicates with his friends via SM a lot aswell as being in groups for his GCSE options choices which has proved very helpful.

However, we have had dd recently telling us that her friend got a mobile phone for Christmas ( the girl isn't 8 until July ) and she uses snapchat etc. I've told dd not a chance she will get one until she is 10.
We have several spare phones at home and can afford to buy one so that's not the issue, I simply think under 10 is too young.

If a child is preparing to travel to secondary school ( possibly alone as my ds did on multiple buses ) then I think it's fair to give them some element of trust re: having a phone and using WA.

As far as I'm aware, my dd's friend is the only one in her class with a phone.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 30/01/2019 07:51

I don't understand the issue with with WhatsApp, you can have group messages on standard text messenger too, you just need the phone number, which I think is the same for WhatsApp too.

Strugglingtodomybest · 30/01/2019 08:12

I dont see Whatsapp as social media, it's just another messaging service.

I'd let her have it and then monitor it. That's what I've done with my boys and there've been no problems so far.

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